A
female
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anonymous
writes:I have this AMAZING friend. He has truly proved himself to me that he is amazing. I mean most guys wouldn't bother being 'friends' with me if they knew they had no chance with me, but this guy, he doesn't care, he just likes me for me and really appreciates our frinedship. He's stuck by me when i've had two other bf's and helped me get over them. He's been there for me through thick and thin and our friendship has lasted longer then any relationship i've had with a guy before. Recently he told me hes in love with me. I sooo badly wanted to say it b ack because hes amazing but I just dont love him. Why don't I???? I trust him more then any other bf ive had. He seems so right for me. We have a lot in common and hes never ONCE treated me badly. My past bf's havent treatd me well and have tried to use me for sex. So he's so good in comparision to them but I just dont love him like I loved my ex bf. I dont understand why...any ideas?
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male
reader, oldfool +, writes (28 April 2008):
 It's funny, why is it that some women crave a abusive boyfriends who will bring them nothing but grief? Why is it that a "nice guy" is just too placid and unexciting to love?
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Hi,
the familiarity of this friend makes it harder for you to see him in a romantic light. But if there was a genuine connection the friendship wouldnt stand in the way and you would reciprocate the feelings.
To me you give a good clue by saying that your past boyfriends treated you poorly. This makes me think you are a girl who is attracted to the bad boys. A friend of mine always picks bad arses because she thinks she can change them - when she meets a nice guy she is never interested as she gets bored with them.
But at the end of the day if there is no spark there is no spark. The best thing to do would be to let your friend know that nothing is going to happen as he is obviously holding out for you. Now that he has put his cards on the table your relationship will change forever. You won't be able to hang out again when you get your next boyfriend as you know that he will wish it was him .
It's a shame, but you cant force yourself to fall in love with someone. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, katie-4632x.  +, writes (23 April 2008):
its not that you dont love him. Its probably because youre scared of losing the close friendship you both have, however with him loving you but you not being interested in him romanticaly it is putting strain on your relationship. You need to sit down with him and tell him that you like him as a friend and that you dont want to lose that closeness between you and that you do love him but not in that way. you must then make it clear that you want to stay friends and that the perfect girl for him is out there but its not you.
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A
male
reader, previasc96  +, writes (23 April 2008):
You do love him! Your just not attracked to him romantically. This is normal. Nice guys finish last, bcuz girls want the nice guy for a friend, not a lover
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2008): You got to know him as a friend. And that means you revealed everything to him without trying to "sell yourself" at all like you would to a BF. And that means you never saw him as a challenge. He has never been something to "achieve" in your mind so you place less value on being his GF than with another guy that you didn't "win" right off the bat.
It's just a different kind of relationship, and it's hard to reverse things after being friends with him like that for years.
There's one more complication that might or might not be at work here: If you've always had a thing for guys who treat you badly, then that may be the problem.
In this case you may not consciously think you would have liked him more (romantically) if he had treated you worse, but that might still be the case. Or maybe you wouldn't have ever really LIKED him romantically either way, but the only way he could have even been a possibility in your mind is if he had not been so nice to you.
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A
female
reader, lyd_foster +, writes (23 April 2008):
 I understand what you are going through
and it realy is imposible to fall in lovewith the perfect guy who is your friend
and it is simply because he is your friend a person that you can depend on when you want some help or comfort. You pick your true friends naturaly beacuse you know that you wont mess it up by 'falling in love' with him.
Maby the rumours are wrong maby they are true.
But i would confront him and tell him how you feel.
Good luck
=]
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (23 April 2008):
 There are two categories of men.
They are either friends or potential mates.
If your mind has decided that he is a friend, he will forever be a friend.
You judged him and do not think you will marry him and thus
you cannot find the will to fall in love with him .
It is build into your subconscious.
The chemistry and the spark is absent in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Sorry, I hadn't quite finished my answer to you.
Right, so ask yourself if he were to become romantically involved with one of your friends, would you be entirely happy for him, or would you be just a bit jealous? That'll give you some insight, I hope.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (23 April 2008):
I just want to tell you about my friend. Back when I was single, I had this great male friend who was funny, intelligent, supportive and quite handsome. I just thought of him as a good buddy, until one of my girlfriends met him and asked me, 'Who is he? Is he single? He is HOT!'
Well, my head snapped around and I took another look at him, especially since she had really good taste in men. And now my friend is my husband. :)
Wasn't I lucky she pointed him out to me?
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (23 April 2008):
 Hi
Maybe you have just known him as a friend for too long, and it wont ever be anything more for you. If he has been holding a torch all this time, then yes i'm sure he's a nice guy, but he has had alterior motives, it hasn't strictly been about friendship for him has it? Although it is a good thing he wasn't just after sex!
Is there any possibility you are used to bad boys because of something in your past? Not thinking you deserve to be treated well, so being mainly attracted to the tough guys?
It could well just be that you dont go for him sexually.
Ive dated a couple of real nice guys and there has been no reason why i shouldn't love them, i just never did.
It sucks but if it aint happenin, it aint happenin :o(
C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (23 April 2008):
Because he is your friend. You just don't feel like that about some people.
You have to have that passion and attraction in a relationship to take it to the next level and since you don't have that then you can't get into a relationship.
You can't switch feelings on, in the same way you can't switch feelings off. They aren't logical or practical things.
The fact he's said he's in love with you is a problem. You now need to back off and let him get over you or he's going to spend years pining after you and could miss out of meeting the girl of his dreams.
Be cruel to be kind and cut contact for a while.
Another point to consider is that many nice guys will have seen you with your friend and not approached you because they assume you have a boyfriend. It's only the arrogant nasty types who will go after you.
Good Luck!! xx
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