A
female
age
30-35,
*ancermelp
writes:So starting in April of my first year of college, this guy started talking to me, and we really hit it off and he was really into me. We both live in different states, so it was kind of bad timing, since we were both going back home for the summer in May, but he insisted that we continue to stay "together" even though we weren't official. We both thought it was a little too soon to make anything official just yet. We continued to talk throughout the entire summer and we were both loyal to each other and once a month we'd visit each other. He told me that he wanted a serious relationship with me, but that he wanted to wait til fall, because we were both still distant from each other (location wise). Finally school was starting and when we came back, he called me over to come meet his mother and I spent the entire afternoon with them. Everything was going very well, until about ten days later, (a little over 4 months after he first asked me out on a date), he said that even though he still likes me, he wasn't sure that he wanted a relationship because he had a lot of work going on this semester and that he wanted to still actually be friends. I was completely heartbroken, but I had no choice but to accept it and we continued to be friends...we'd always ask each other for help and we'd still talk, especially since we have almost all our classes together. He told me that he saw me getting with other guys before he's with other girls, just because he knew that I wanted and was ready for a relationship and that he wasn't and that he generally sucks at relationships.Then a week after that, I guess I kinda convinced him to let me come over to his place, and we both hooked up. A week after that we hooked up again, and it was really great. And he would still kiss my forehead and cuddle with me a lot. I asked him if he was interested in or talking to anyone else, and he said no. I told him that I liked him, and he said that he liked me too, and he gave me a list of reasons why he liked me as well. He also mentioned that night that he was going to visit a friend in a state 7 hours away in a couple of weeks.A week after our last hookup (which was mid-September), he texted me telling me that he heard that I was talking to my ex again and he completely blew up about saying that I bs-ed him about not being able to get over him soon. I told him that there was no truth to whatever he heard (there really wasn't) but he said he was still done with whatever was going on between us.However, he continued to be playful with me and showed signs that he still had something for me and showed little things that he cared...like waiting for me after class, wondering if I was showing up to class or not if he didn't see my car, etc. One time I went to party and I ended up getting super drunk and apparently someone at that party told him everything that happened. And he confronted me about twice saying how he heard alll about the party and what I did and stuff...even though it really wasn't any of his business.Then towards the end of October, I was at my friend's place who lives right next door to him. And he must have noticed my car or heard my voice, because he immediately texted me asking if he wanted us to hang out with him tonight as he's having people come over. I said sure but when I asked him about details, he was very vague. My friend and I had baked cookies, so he told me to come over and that he wanted cookies too. So I went next door and it was just him and his roommate and his best friend hanging out. We made brief small talk, I gave them the cookies, and just left. It was just really random and odd because he said he was planning on having a bunch of people over when it was just the three of them. He later texted me that night saying good night. Then a few days later, in class, he asked me what I was doing later tonight, and told me to come over and bring a friend along if I wanted. Again he was vague about the details, and he didn't contact me later about it, so I just decided to let it go, because I didn't want to seem desperate just running to him, every single time I get the opportunity to.Then less than a week after that, (a couple days ago) his facebook status is changed to "in a relationship" and a couple minutes later it was with the friend that he had visited earlier. Apparently she had come up to visit him too the weekend before for Halloween and he posted some pictures of them in costumes...they were just sitting on the couch putting there arms around each other - so it wasn't super romantic, I mean if someone saw the pictures by itself, you wouldn't necessarily automatically assume they're a couple.And this guy...he kind of does have an ego, he is really good looking and he is aware of it, (not trying to sound conceited by any means here) but I'm just as goodlooking as he is if not more, I just don't flaunt it the way he does. And he just always seemed like that kind of guy that would want a girl who's really goodlooking too. But this girl is really simple...and I promise I'm not trying mean, I'm not just saying this because I'm jealous or because she's with the guy that I want. It's just weird because I could look at his ex-girlfriends and see what he had seen in her, and I would give them credit that they are kinda cute together...but these two just seem to make such an odd pair......It just hurts and confuses me because the reason why we ended whatever we had was because he didn't have time for a relationship with anyone. And he always said that he wasn't into long distance relationships. So..how in a month and half's time was he able to stop having feelings for me, and develop strong enough feelings for someone else and be in a relationship with them already? Should I talk to him about it? It just kills me that he moved on super quickly and that it only took a month and half for a relationship to form with this girl....and I had to wait for almost 5 months, and just got no for an answer.
View related questions:
best friend, drunk, ex girlfriend, facebook, heartbroken, his ex, jealous, long distance, my ex, roommate, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2011): Well, the way you made it sound was like you did something you shouldn't have done at the party (ie, make out with somebody, kiss a boy, maybe kiss a girl, something ). But if you're saying nothing of that sort occurred, then perhaps he was just being short with you and needed to fabricate an excuse. This goes the same for guys too. Some guys will wait months and months for a girl to open up and give them their heart, but eventually feel like the girl doesn't seem to want to commit or want anything and leave. Do you feel like this might have been the case? Did he give up on you because he felt unappreciated? Was there something missing in the relationship that he wanted? Either way, just bring it up to him casually and don't sound needy. It's okay to talk about these things, but in the right manner. There must be something that happened, and it seems like you are willing to fix it. I say talk to him and try. You can get anything if you set your mind to it.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 November 2011):
 I don't think he did care... sorry. But if he cared then why would he believe in a RUMOR over YOU?? If he cared about you and took you seriously then your word should be good as gold, his loyalty would have been to you, which means he wouldn't have cared about any rumor at all. If he cared about you and took you seriously he'd have talking this rumor over with you, believed in your words, and fought to have you in his life, not ditch you without any explanation other than "he heard a rumor". That's just petty.
Cut the guy lose, he was stringing you along.
...............................
A
female
reader, dancermelp +, writes (2 November 2011):
dancermelp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf he wasn't serious about me then why did he continue this "togetherness" thing for so long. Why did he introduce to me to his mom?And he heard rumors about me talking to my ex after he ended things with me. If he was just using that as an excuse to officially end all ties with me, then why would me talking to my ex hurt him?And I really didn't do much at the party (which was also after we ended things). I normally don't drink, but I got drunk at the party, but I didn't sleep with anyone or anything. And he drinks all the time himself, so it's not like he didn't like the fact that I was drinking.and he was the one who let me go, so if he really felt that he lost something he cared about, why didn't he come back for me? i was ready to give him everything...and he knew that. what does he need to forgive me for? what harm did i cause?but i guess you're right, the only way i'm gonna get answers, if there are any answers at least, is by talking to him...i just don't know how to bring it upp...
...............................
A
female
reader, dancermelp +, writes (1 November 2011):
dancermelp is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIf he wasn't serious about me then why did he introduce me to his mom? And why did he continue what we had throughout the entire summer.
And we had decided to be friends before he heard the rumors about me talking to my ex.
And he has to know that I still have feelings for him, unless he's really thattt dumb.
Also me at the party was just less than 3 weeks ago...and I didn't do anything that would possibly betray his trust. I am a very faithful person, and he always knew that and trusted me.
He was the one who let me go, so how could he be the one who is need of a rebound relationship?
But, I guess you're right, he's the only one who would have the answers, if there are even any..I just don't know how to bring it up..
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 November 2011):
 The only way that you are going to get answers is to talk to him about it and ask him what the deal is. Talking about your comments on how she looks, well looks aren't everything, a girl needs to have a great personality to hold on to a guy and maybe he has fallen for her because of this. Also while you may think she is average looking he might actually think she is very attractive. Everybody has different tastes. Anyway back to the question, the only way you are going to get answers is if you talk to him about it and see what he has to say. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 November 2011):
His first reason, as far as I can see, was the time issue. That he didn't have time for a relationship (even though he clearly do have time now). But, the main reason he didn't want you any longer was because he heard stories about you talking to your ex again.
Whether they be true or not is irrelevant. He wanted the stories to be true, it gave him an excuse to pull away as he wasn't super serious about you anyway. It's not about looks. More a personality thing I guess. Or maybe his ego played in and he wanted a girl more plain looking so he can shine next to her and you were just too pretty? Who knows.
Bottom line is, he wasn't into you like that, and took any excuse he could get to move on to someone he was more keen on. Be that a plain and simple girl.
The reason he hooked up with you randomly was probably more of a "free milk without buying the cow" - thing.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2011): This looks like a classic case of rebounding. You must have hurt him and deeply affected him and it made him vulnerable for another person to come mend him back to health. This girl is helping him through having lost you. People feel very insecure when they lose something they care about. And I'm sure that spending that much time with you, he had to have developed some sort of concern and feelings for you. It seems like you were at fault to for what you did at the party. Maybe that was the mistake you made.He settled for this less attractive girl because he knows that he can trust her and she is less likely to do anything to harm him and potentially has more stability in a relationship with her. Its called "settling". The exact same thing may happen to you one day where an extremely attractive fellow, who you want to give your heart to and go the full distance with him, just doesn't reciprocate the feelings and emotion you have for him. As a result, you will feel like you're not good enough, insecure, lacking something and you will settle for anything. Your expectations will be lowered because of this damaging event. I think in time he will realize that this happened to him. He will get bored. He will realize he can do better and he may come back to you, who knows. You already know you are more attractive so just keep your confidence up. Walk away from him and see if he will come back to you because you are the better pick. It may take months, or years, but just don't let your guard down. If you go crawling back to him with your sappy story right now, it wont work because he's still frustrated at you. You have to let him slowly forgive you for whatever harm you have caused him and realize his over exaggeration and overreaction.
...............................
|
