A
male
age
30-35,
*T1
writes: Ok ill start off by saying that i dated my ex for 2 and a half years and we were friends for like 6 months before that. We took everything slow and we fell in love with each other. we had some problems at the end and she started ignoring me and eventually broke up with me. After like a week and a half she was dating this other guy and tells him she loves him and he tells her he loves her. Before she started dating i told her i wanted her back but she said she needed time off. Anyways, eventually we started talking again after like 2 months of not contacting eachother and we fell for eachother again and we are even intimate. The bad thing is that this other guy is still in the picture but he is in boot camp but they are supposibly still together. We have been together everyday and she tells me she wants to be with me but she wont drop this guy, she says she wants to see if things have changed and if i am a better guy. i feel like i should just not talk to her but i love her too much to just leave her. i want to be with her really bad but i feel horrible because she wont break it off with him even tho she says she would rather be with me. I want to know a good way to handle this. i want her back but i dont like feeling like i am just an option. Should i stay with her and see what happens or should i just head for the door?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2010): I think if you allow the situation to stay as it is, you will always feel you are just an option for her, and you will doubt her intentions. I don't think she is being fair to either of you guys. I can understand if she is indecisive and doesn't know who or what she wants. But stringing you both along is not the right way to go about finding out. I am sure the other guy would not be impressed if he knew either.
I think you should break it off with her, and not allow yourself to be strung along in this way. It sounds like you have gotten to know each other very well. This other guy seems newer to her. Maybe she needs to get to know the other guy better before she can make a decision. But either way, don't wait around for her or put your life on hold for her. She clearly isn't. Tell her that she needs to decide who she wants to be with, if anyone, and in the meantime it is over between you. I know this is difficult and painful, but she is not being fair to you. She is effectively cheating.
Maybe she will decide she wants to be with you. Maybe she won't. No one can say. But in the meantime, I think you need to try and carry on with your life as best as you can, and not wait around for her. This will be hard at first, but I think it should become easier if you try and stay occupied with other things. If she makes up her mind to be with you, then it will be up to you whether you want to take her back or not. But in any case, she needs to decide - one or the other. Until then, I think you should get out of this situation. If she truly cared about you that much, she would be willing to try and work on the problems you have been having together. She would not be playing games with you and another guy, and she would not have the nerve to expect you to tolerate this kind of situation. Those are my thoughts.
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (28 October 2010):
 Everyone else has pretty much said it...
You're being played, so to speak. She wants to have her cake and eat it too... and she's trying to decide which side of the fence is greener.
You need to break it off... and move on. Permanently.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2010): find the dude on facebook or myspace of whatever and tell the dude yourself. she wants the best of both worlds. but she can only have one
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A
male
reader, LT1 +, writes (27 October 2010):
LT1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo in other words i should just tell her i dont want to see her anymore. Ive done this twice but somehow we always end up talking to eachother anyways. I feel like this is wrong but it also feels wrong to just not see her anymore since we both love eachother. She says she thinks ive changed back into the guy she fell in love with but she wants to see if this is just temporary or the real deal. Either way it sucks cuz i feel like crap because i think about it all the time. Any tips on what to do? And the guy is almost out of boot camp but he is going to live 7 hours away but she says she wants to stay here to see how things go between me and her till the end of her college year and if things dont work out he will move close to him or maybe even with him. . any advice helps no matter how harsh it might be i just want as many opinions as i can get.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 October 2010):
You're in love with a woman who is cheating on her guy with you, claiming that she wants to see you've 'changed'. that makes her a lousy person. She's playing you like a violin, and she's playing this other guy too. Face it, you've become a doormat to a girl who is playing you. The more you do this, the worse you will seem to better women. People won't trust you if they know you're doing this. And if she does actually come back to you, how long until she cheats on you? Not long. She's just not that great, and you're being dragged down to her level. It will have an effect on how you're seen by better women.
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A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (27 October 2010):
 Well there's no need to rush for the door,you still have time...How long is boot-camp? 6 weeks? So...you got 6 weeks to play! IJS!
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