A
female
age
36-40,
*aims
writes:Hi,am a lady aged 22,and i got married last year to a guy who is so possesive. It was a hurried wedding because he had to travel to south africa for further studies so he didnt want to leave me and his two year old son bak hom in kenya without formalising things. I was happy that he loved us that much to do so,though sometimes i get the idea that he only married me because he was scared he'd loose me to another guy which is absurd because i love him so much and i would neva cheat on him. The problem is that he is too possesive,too jelous.it was sweet at first but its getting annoying. He doesnt want me to have friends of all sexes,and he interogates me on the phone all the time. When he travelled,he left me to live at at my parents' house,where he thinks its too rural to meet someone nice. I got a college far from home but he told me not to go,that i should remain at home and choose another college and career altogether. He controlls my life and i'm tired of his behaviour though i love him to death.please help.
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female
reader, bobbles32  +, writes (16 July 2009):
 Well is there anything that says you can't stand up to him? or do the same to him? I understand that it's your culture not to but can you break free of that? or better yet, can you move? You could move to a country where that is not the culture and women are equal.
A lot of children have grown up with only one parent and they turn out just the same as children who grow up with both parents. It depends on the care that is given to them, not who gives it.
A
female
reader, Naims +, writes (16 July 2009):
Naims is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank u so much for replying,one thing though,in kenya,once you are married,your husband has the upper hand.i usually talk to my mum about these problems but she says i should do whateva he wants because he's my husband and thats what happens once you get married. She doesnt support his behaviour but she says i have to do it his way or that i'l cause so much trouble for my son and i. I dnt get why,but my family thinks i hit the jackpot when i got married to him,they think he's handsome,has a promising future,and cares for us. When i tell them about his bad side,they shrug it off,and tell me every man has faults,and i should count my blessings twice,for 'landing' him. Divorce is not an option in our family,and religion except where violence occurs. I've seen my cousins pack up and come home only to be persuaded,and taken to religious leaders to be pleaded with and are forced to go back to their husbands as it is 'the right thing to do' or 'for the children'.i dnt want to live like that but how can i stop him when he knows our culture supports his behaviour?
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A
female
reader, bobbles32 +, writes (16 July 2009):
Stand up to him, tell him you're doing what you're doing. A wedding ring doesn't mean that he can control you, it's not like he has two lives now. Not sure of the culture in Kenya, is it normal for the guy to control his partner? Either way, you sound like a strong woman who can put this man in his place. Let him know that you're gonna take it.
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