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Unrequited love. It's been so long, but I can't get over him. Should I call him to ease the pain?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Crushes, Dating, The ex-factor, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 July 2015) 2 Answers - (Newest, 13 August 2015)
A female Philippines age 22-25, *inybubble writes:

I fell madly in love with this boy back when we were college seniors.

We were really close and we spent a lot of time together. One night, I told him how I felt for him. I didn't really get a clear answer from him but I knew that he didn't love me back.

We continued being close friends but I stopped all contact after college graduation.

He also didn't initiate any contact. But, a year after, I couldn't resist so I called him.

It stung so much knowing that he was just on the other line. I was so happy that we had a very long conversation when I called him. We got to catch up with each other.

We decided to meet up that summer because I was visiting the city that he lived in for 5 days. Our reunion went well but on the days that followed, he always made lame excuses not to go whenever I asked him out.

This really hurt me considering that we didn't see or talk to each other for a year and that I was only visiting for 5 days.

I knew that I was being taken for granted. Now, it's been more than a year since that last reunion. I haven't talked to him since. He didn't contact me also.

I unfriended him on Facebook. I know that I have tried everything to get over him.

I made myself busy because I got into medical school. I tried so many hobbies, so many that I couldn't even maintain all of them anymore.

I also went to our school counselor for some advice. I tried searching for someone new. For about a month, I was attracted to a new guy. We texted and went out but it didn't really lead to anywhere because I knew that I'd still choose the previous guy.

It's really frustrating already because I've been loving this guy for 3 years already.

A lot of time has passed already but the intensity of my love for him 3 years ago is still the same as now. I'm really tempted to call him but I always force myself not to because I'd lose my dignity.

Ugh, I miss him so much. I still cry for him until now and the feeling of longing is really intense.

I think of him every second of the day. I don't know what to do anymore. :(

Should I call him to ease the pain? Should I try asking him to be friends again? The pain is hurting me.

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A female reader, MaskOn United Kingdom +, writes (13 August 2015):

MaskOn agony auntSomething that I did when I was in love with someone that I thought I couldn't create a relationship with was go into the girls' changing rooms and sit in one of the shower sections in silence. After a while, the lights would go off if they couldn't detect any movement so I'd be sitting in darkness.

Just to let you know, I've now liked this guy for about four years before it's finally going somewhere but previously, I had done really well in playing the 'I'm just the really fun to be around friend' part. At the time that I sat quietly in the dark, I was pretty sure it was an unrequited love so I know this might actually help you.

Just find somewhere completely quiet. No sounds at all, no rushing wind sounds, no traffic noise, no people to make noise. The place should also be pitch black. And I mean the kind of black where you don't know if your eyes are open or not.

This 'thing' to do that I created helps you to clear your mind. Don't bother thinking about anything while you're in this space. Just feel nothing, think nothing, and relax. After doing this a couple of times, the next time you think about him, try applying what you you did in that space (feel nothing, think nothing, and relax) into that moment and try to block out all the emotions and thoughts he's giving you.

This really helped for me... a little too much as I could have started the relationship a lot sooner if I made it clear how I felt. ¬_¬

Hope you find this a little useful and I hope it all works out for the best!

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada + , writes (29 July 2015):

janniepeg agony auntI think you are able to get over him, you just didn't want to give up yet. Love is a mutual thing that develops when both people put effort into it. They take time to know each other and have trust. What you have is infatuation and the longing to be in a relationship. He avoided you those 5 days because he didn't want to lead you on and give you false hopes. I think being friends with him would not ease the pain. It would slow the process of moving on. Letting go is not something that happens, not out of your control. It is sheer will. In time there would be no more school functions so you would find no reason to contact him again. It also helps to delete his number and stop looking at his Facebook.

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