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Truth or fake? Wish I never catfished him. Do I tell him the truth and end up with losing him, because he feels betrayed?

Tagged as: Crushes, Online dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 30 March 2016)
A male United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

So I had this crush and I found his boyfriend on online. I started talking to his boyfriend but used him to get info on his now ex.

As it turns out me and him click I really like him as a friend and now after nearly 4 months of talking I feel bad that I catfished him.

He hates liars and we both say we are friends online and tell each other problems etc...

So what do I do?

Cut away and be friends another way, although I couldn't be the real me now as I've been real with a fake pic.

Or do I tell him and end up stop talking to him because he feels betrayed

I don't know what to do

View related questions: crush, liar

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A female reader, chigirl Norway + , writes (30 March 2016):

chigirl agony auntTell him and then is he wants to stop talking, respect it. Treat it as a lesson learned. If he still wants to be friends, then great! But it's not fair to keep lying to him.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (30 March 2016):

You made friends under false pretenses. You put on a false face; so you have to tell the truth to see if the friendship will survive.

Maintaining your facade is complete deception and not really being a friend. You're manipulating a situation to your own advantage. Under such circumstances, you can't call yourself a friend. In fact, you're a fake. He likes what he sees, and based his feelings partially on the fake picture. This is your karma for conniving.

Tell the truth, but leave out the part about his ex-boyfriend. That's too much information. Don't kick him

in the balls! Your confession about the fake pic is more than enough.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (30 March 2016):

Honeypie agony auntBe honest and take the consequences as they come.

YOU made the choice to "catfish" or be shady, if you want to at LEAST make amends be honest. Maybe he will accept it, maybe he won't.

But isn't that better than not even GIVING him the choice to know the "real" you? For HIM to decide if what you did was a total deal-breaker for him or not.

I mean... what do you have to lose?

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia + , writes (30 March 2016):

femmenoir agony auntHi,

i would advise you to be honest with him, if you value his friendship that much, but only if you feel comfortable enough doing it.

Either way, it's not going to be easy. By remaining quiet, you carry inner guilt and stress and when you do tell him, yes, be realistic, you risk losing his friendship and respect.

BUT at least you know you were true to yourself and finally did the right thing.

He may be upset with your admission, he may not, but unless you speak up, you'll never know, so just give it a go and speak up.

No offence, but YOU made the choice to say nothing, so whatever the outcome, YOU need to deal with it and accept it.

Be strong, be brave and tell him the truth, because he deserves to know.

You wouldn't appreciate being lied to, so tell him.

Good luck!

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