A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's a guy in my graduate program who is very handsome. I knew him previously from a class during undergrad as well. He is also a gentleman and very kind to everyone he comes by. He's naturally friendly, social, and sweet. He says and does things that make me wonder if he is interested, while simultaneously doing things that make me think otherwise. For example,-During our orientation for grad school, when he saw me, he lit up and smiled, saying hi right away when he saw me walk in. He offered to clean up something on the ground for me that I had slipped on in the hallway during our intermission, offered to carry my things, and even gave me a hug when we said goodbye to each other (we were not even close for him to try to hug me bye).-He commented on one of my pictures on IG with a million heart-eyed emojis -He asked for my number to talk about homework and school, which he does do regularly. -His mom passed away about a year ago, and upon talking about her with him, he said that I remind him of her because of my "love for life."-He always says I'm funny, laughing at all my jokes -He always takes up my offer to go to the gym together. -However...he hasn't asked me out, or really asked me to do anything one on one with him. I don't really get the vibe that he's into me, yet I'm so conflicted because he finds me attractive, thinks I'm funny, says he thinks I'm smart, and says I remind him of his mom. I don't get it. He's not even shy or insecure.What should I do???
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (20 October 2017):
 It does sound like he likes you as a person it is still to soon to know if it is romantically or not, you reminding him off his mother is a big thing in this as this could be why he is drawn to you, take things slow and see where it goes. Try flirting lightly with him. Let us know how you get on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everybody for your answers! I guess you are right in saying thay I should just let things unfold and that only time can tell. I will not let myself get too excited too soon! :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2017): I guess you'll find out if he likes you. How much can only be determined over time, if it has only been a month.
I caution you about falling too hard for someone you haven't really known that long. A guy can be a nice guy and like you without having romantic intentions. If you pace your feelings, you'll give yourself enough time to figure it out before you get them hurt!
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 October 2017):
 Sorry, OP, I thought you meant you were around each other also in undergrad, so at least one year ago.
The timeline is important, because ut does make a difference if you have been hanging out since ine year or one mointh. One year, - plentu of time to make a move for anybody who's even marginally interested.
One month- and he asked you out , it would be regular timing. Now, of course, you are confused because you are wondering he asked you out, as what, as just a friend ? or more ?
I'd say that , unless you are a particularly anxious type, you can just wait and see , and let the events unfold by themselves. He should be able ( and willing ) to dispel the confusion pretty soon, because, again, a social, confident young man like this, if he wants something will set about to get it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question@CindyCares @WiseOwlE No, no, he hasn't known me for a year, we just became classmates a month ago! It's funny, just after writing this, he just suggested yesterday that we go get frozen yogurt together! I'm still confused though
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2017): He likes you. He goes as far as to tell you so; but doesn't ask you out. He's not interested romantically. You're reading his politeness for more than what it is.
I mean, seriously?!! Why would a guy just flirt for an entire year?
I'm gay. I'm polite. I am friendly, I show women a great deal of respect. I'm told I'm a good-looking guy. I don't hit on women. I used to be hit-on or get flirtations from female co-workers. Until they noticed I wasn't responding. No matter how hard they tried!
I don't feel I have to make it a public-announcement that I'm gay to every woman I meet. Even if I were straight; I'd make it known if I was interested in a woman. Some guys just like to be admired for their good-looks.
You've been in close-quarters, you've sent him signals, and he's just not picking-up? He either has a girlfriend, or he's not interested romantically.
Straight-guys aren't big on heart-eyed emojis; but he does seem like a very sweet guy!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (18 October 2017):
 I think he likes you as a person, A LOT. But I don't think he sees you as a romantic option. If a guy says you remind him of his mother... it (at least for me) is an indicator that they are not SEXUALLY attracted to you but (if they had/have a great mom) they think YOU are a great person.
I mean, think about it... would you want to date a guy who reminds you of your dad?
(and yes, I do know that research has shown that we quite often marry/long term date someone similar to our father/mother but I don't think THAT is done deliberately.)
I think if you are looking for a BF, he isn't it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 October 2017):
You have two different and opposite options, IMO, but strangely they both can work in their own way.
1 ) do nothing and accept that , although he finds you attractive, funny, entertaining etc., he does not want to date you. What's so strange about this ? haven't you ever met guys who are attractive, fun, kind etc.etc. and still there's like something missing and you do not see them like dating material ? Chemistry is weird and unpredictable and complicated, it makes you see girl X in a romantic light- and her identical twin, not so much. Or else, he likes to be single and play the field, or has whatever reasons of his suggesting him leaving things on a friendship level.
I think that he is not THAT interested. He is not pathologically shy, and not terribly young and inexperienced, so that's not the problem. In fact , you say that he is quite the schmoozer, - outgoing, friendly, social, witty etc.etc.- Probably the way he acts with you is his normal M.O. with all the girls he meets; just, a little more with the attractive girls :). But it does not mean a lot; in fact, in a year, if he had had any specific interest in spending time with you one-on-one, he would have made it happen, trust me.
2 ) Or you can ignore what I just said, and you can ask him out. Yes, , on a date. Yes, clearly and openly, not to say bluntly. This of course, if you are a good sport, and would not be crushed or devastated in case of a rejection. If you can keep things in perspective, dust yourself off and tell yourself " That's fine, at least I tried " , by all means go for it. I have got the feeling that this guy is a bit used to be everybody's darling and does not have to sweat it that much for getting dates, so he just got comfy , a bit lazy. Or, more simply, - asking you out just did not cross his mind yet, in the sense that it was not his priority, not his burning desure- but he might be open to the idea, who knows . Same as, for instance, you haven't ever thought of going to London, it was not on top of your to do list, but someone comes along and says " hey, we should go to London ! " and you say, why not, let's give it a try.
Remember that asking is always allowed- and obliging always optional, so , if he does not think it's a good idea, - at least you'll know for sure and move on to someone else.
Choose the option that suits you more in terms of personality .
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