A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm so hurt right now. I feel like its a heartbreak all over again. So after 4 months my ex boyfriend comes back. He's in a relationship with someone right now. He told me he missed me and that he took everything for granted. He cherished me and that i was very good friend and people like me are hard to find. He filled my head with all of this. I love this boy, so i didn't want to but i did believe him. i missed him too:( He said last time it didnt work out because i kind of hesitated on the sex portion. See I want to wait until marriage but he wanted sex 4 months ago. He told me he's worked on my portion. He understand my morals and values. So he "decided" we could just have oral sex. he said blow jobs for him and he'll give me anything i want. So i thought it wasn't that bad :/, and i kind of agreed. He told me i was so sexy and that he wanted me so bad. I told him it wasn't fair to his girlfriend he said he would take care of it.anyways two days passed and when i would log on to aim, he wouldn't be there. However he kept posting status updates about how much he "LOVES" his girlfriend. It hurt so much because i thought he wanted me. He told me he doesn't feel it with his girlfriend and that since we are the same nationality we have a better chance togheter. but his facebook statuses were saying otherwise. So i have two aims i logged onto my new one(which i never use btw) and he was on. i was like WHAT??? he had blocked me on the one i always use. I got so upset because he is the one the came back. he is the one that started it. and then he LEFT AGAIN? :/so i wrote him this: alejandro....who the hell do you think you are? u never respnded to my messages? :/ so I guess everything you said two nights ago didn't mean anything? i hate playing GAMES. next time don't play with my heart if u don't mean what u say. stop being such a fucking player. grow up. I reallly thought you meant all u said but I guess youre still the same alejandro..the same f**** alejandro.this is exactly why we can't just be friends. you're a f**** liar half the time.ALL OF IT WAS A LIE. you just needed a f**** ego boost so you came to me. f**** you and your f***** ego. i told you this 3 months ago. you think its a JOKE. not everything in life is a JOKE. SOOO block this account..just like you blocked my other one. block me from everywhere and leave me the fuck alone forever. idc. i'm so fucking sick of this. and you are one of the worst friends i've ever had. bye :/so then he responded on aim and asked me wats up . i asked him if he read my message. he said yeah. i didn't block you, my aim has been hacked(LIES) :/ he was lying again. he then said that everything could be fixed. this is our convo.him:i want you to come over this sunday and lets do what you and i talked about before i went off... thats it no intercourse. and i'll be with you. thats the only way i'll be with you . i hope you dont take it wrong.me:u want oral sex?him:with you yes!blow jobs, for me and whatever you want i'll do for you.its that small , im not asking to take ur virgintiy.That's all i ask for.. the most. oral sex. to play around with eachother when were toghter. it makes me happy with u.me:r u going to dump ur gf?him:come this sunday.. i want to see how we do. if its good then yeah.me:if it's good?WTFhim: listen shh calm down.to make it good.. let me do most of the moves. let me handle it. ur gonna have to relax. plz don thake none of this wrongly.but you are so f**** sexy.come this sunday.me:no alejandro u will never give me what you gave your other girlfriends. i want that before i do anything. and i don't ask for much. that's it. i'm not going to give u f**** oral sex after not seeing your for 4 months. i left hating you..okay..and you did again. it was like heartbreak the second time. i'm done with this relationship. him:I understand. I will leave u and not hurt u agian. :-( me:i'm sorrry, it hurts, but its the best thing for mei hope u understand.him:I know , i get it tho. i hope the best for you.AND THEN he blocked me on my new aim too. and yesterday he blocked me on facebook. THIS HURTS SO MUCH. i was so mean to him. i've never spoken to him like that, but i was so upset that he felt like he could just come into my life and mess with my feelings and not care. i guess the hard part is accepting that he's gone forever and this time I DID IT. i pushed him away :/. I don't think he really cares or maybe he does but i'm just heartbroken. i'm so confused he filled my head about really really liking me, but he never shows it, he always go back to sex. and i just feel like he wants me for sex, but then i feel like maybe the relationship would work if i gave him the oral sex? but i don't feel ready :(Why can't he just be with me because i'm ME. why does sex have to be such a big deal? what do you guys think? ur opinion about this? Did i do the right thing?i really need your help :(
View related questions:
blow-job, facebook, heartbroken, liar, my ex, oral sex, player Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank You So Much for your answers :)
They really helped!
A
female
reader, benguela +, writes (16 June 2010):
I know what you are feeling right now. But in all honesty, this guy seems like a total player, who is only concerned with his own needs. I can imagine how deeply you are hurt, but I think you really did yourself a favor by ending it. A relationship should be something joyous, but in this case you were constantly tortured by this immature guy, who obviously could care less about the way you feel about him. He doesn't even deny the fact that he's only interested in you if only he gets some. He doesn't bother to take your feelings into consideration, because all he wants from you is sexual pleasure, with no emotional attachment involved. He doesn't even value your virginity, which in actuality is a wonderful attribute that you possess. It's crazy how these guys can lower our self-esteem, but they do so because they know that they'll never be good enough for us. He even has the audacity to say that he won't dump his current girlfriend for you, but instead would prefer to "test" you out to see if you are better fit for that role. That's just downright disrespectful and rude. I may not know you personally, but you seem like a great girl, who definitely deserves to be treated with love, care and respect. And look how easily he agreed to ending your relationship...as soon as you mentioned it, he just gave in as if he doesn't give a damn about not having you in his life anymore. And I know why you even said that, because deep down inside you were hoping that he would prove you wrong and tell you that he wants to be with you no matter what. I just had a similar experience with a guy, who played with my head only to tell me that it doesn't matter to him if we see each other any longer or not. It hurt me so much and even though we were only in the beginning stages of dating, I really couldn't comprehend as to why someone would treat me this way. I guess we both gave our men too much attention and affection, so it resulted in them completely taking us for granted. Do you honestly want to fool around with someone, who is completely not serious about you? I think you did yourself a big favor and saved yourself from future regrets. If his disregard wasn't enough to show you his true character, just think of his actions after you ended it. He blocked you everywhere, as if you were a nuissance in his life. Mine did the same thing too, after we got into a fight. I couldn't help it...I called him a coward, which I later regretted, but he left me with no other choice. His behavior was so childish, he was too scared to tell me that he wanted anything with me. I'm a virgin too and the moment I told him about it, he started acting totally different. Either he thought it was too big of a responsibility or that I wouldn't satisfy him, being a virgin and all. I always thought a guy would like me even more for not whoring around like most girls do nowadays, but that was certainly not the case with this guy. I was also hurt...I am still hurt. I am still trying to come up with reasons as to why he acted this way with me...why it all ended so badly. It was a shock to me that he managed to block me everywhere in the 40 minutes that it took me to drive back home. That proves how much he really liked me...that he discarded of me so easily with a click of a button. This Alejandro isn't any different. He knew what he wanted and once he realized that you are not going along with his plan, he decided to cut his ties with you. I am really sorry you and I both had to go through that, but I guess this is a way for us to learn something in this life about people. What's worse is that despite all these terrible things that both of them did to us, somewhere inside we still miss them and wouldn't hesitate about being with them again, if they had only said so. When I was angry with my guy, all I really wanted from him was to show his male character...to stop me in the midst of my aggravation and tell me that we need to put everything behind us, because he sincerely likes me. Or if he would just kiss me at that moment...I would forget about everything that happened. But he didn't. And that's when I knew that this isn't going to go anywhere. So, I found the strength inside to tell him that he's acting like a total coward, which of course hurt his ego and he stormed out. That was the last time I've seen him. My conscience was eating me alive and I later wrote an email, wishing him well. He never responded, I am still blocked everywhere and honestly, as each day passes, I accept it. And you should too. Alejandro doesn't deserve you because he obviously cannot live up to your standards. And he knows that himself, that's why he's pushing himself away from you. He knows he'll never fulfill your expectations, that's why he settles for other girls that put up with his bullshit. Don't ever let any man treat you like this...he's so not worth it. Time will heal your wounds and I am certain you will meet someone who will love you for who you are, respect you for your virginity and who will show you everyday how much he cares about you with his actions, not pointless words or empty promises. Hang in there, your suffering is not in vain. It's a lesson of life. I wish you all the best and I truly hope you'll get over this and forget this bastard ever hurt you. Ciao!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2010): by the sounds of it - you got a lucky escape from a jerk as he seems like just a user and complete liar, you did right to confront him and not do anything sexually with him ... imagine the heartache you would have felt had you done oral with him only to find out he was still with his girlfriend. And by the way, oral is still sex because you are putting yourself at risks of STIs and STDs, its not something to just mess around with. You feel like exploring, then try masturbation as you ain't gonna get any diseases from yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2010): for god sake see past the rose tinted spectacles, you are senses are telling you what a dick this guy is, you dumped home for a reason, leave this other girl figure out what a loser this man is, he used you and played you like a violin, stop self pitying and think of how better you are without him. Hes a shallow moron who didnt respect your morals and beliefs.
...............................
A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (7 June 2010):
 This Alejandro is simply trying to use you for his own gratification. He's playing "silly buggers" with you with all this blocking and is completely inconsiderate, rude, selfish, manipulative, a liar.......you name it. Not loyal to you OR to his girlfriend. And she ought to dump him too!
I know it hurts, but honestly, you did the right thing in telling him to "walk out the front door and not come back - ever" so to speak. You have absolutely NOTHING to be sorry about! He doesn't deserve you.
...............................
A
female
reader, laetitia  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 He is only after sex! He doesn't even want to respect your wish to wait until marriage. Do not let him use you. He is laying about breaking up with the other girl. He has a lot of growing up to do. Get rid of him. Ignore him. Tell him to fucking leave you alone.
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (6 June 2010):
 Be strong and don't second guess yourself.
You absolutely did the right thing 100%
That conversation log... sheesh... what a douchebag.
...............................
A
male
reader, jchez03 +, writes (6 June 2010):
DEF DO NOT GO FOR THIS GUY! He is an asshole and its clear he just wants one thing. Do not ever feel like your not good enough, these guys exist and u gotta be real careful. Never give up your beliefs or morals for anyone cause if u do than u are losing yourself and if u lose yourself then how can i anyone love the real you! This guy is an asshole player and not a very good one at that, he is so obvious. And what makes u think he wont cheat on u if he is saying he loves his gf but wants to hook up with u. Hes a cheater. He broke up with you cause u wont put out??? That is ridiculous and that is the farthest thing from love!!! Love is kind and understanding not selfish. There are not many guys out there or people that matter that want to wait till marriage, but thats a special thing, a lot of people stick around cause the sex is good but not much else is. Keep it real to yourself and dont ever talk to this asshole again. And Im a guy telling you all this!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2010): Yes you did the right thing getting this scumbag out of your life. what an ASSHOLE. honey, it is crystal clear this guy just wants to get laid and he doesn't care if he has to cheat to do it. Stay away from him. He doesn't love you, I can guarantee that. Any guy that asks you for sexual favors while he is in a relationship with someone else is a disgusting pig. Do yourself a favor and move on. Find someone who wants to be with you for YOU and will respect you and love you. Your instincts were right to get away from him, he is a complete jerk. You deserve better.
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 June 2010):
 You absolutely did the right thing. You have more self-respect than to let him use you. That's what it is, and it's YOUR RIGHT to wait until marriage if you choose to, and his actions just confirmed that he wasn't worthy to get your virginity in the first place.
You have to let him go now. All the way. Whenever your "missing him" feelings rise up, remember how he used you. Remember the totally stupid "bargain" for oral sex that he pretty much blackmailed you with. He wasn't going to leave the other girl. He wants a relationship purely for sexual release. He is a user of women.
He would have, after you giving him oral for a bit, started pressuring you for sex. He would have put your relationship on the line to get it. You need to find someone who shares your values concerning waiting for sex, and they are out there.
...............................
|
