A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I guess I will start by saying that I have a boyfriend for 2 years. We are in a very good terms with him and I care deeply for him and so does he. I guess it's love. My boyfriend and I have been on many adventures. I love him still, but I think I am at that point of the relationship where I know everything that I need to know, and it's getting boring. Like for example,I know when he's going to call me, I know his daily routine, and we talk every time and we are just running out of things to talk about. I started working as an Administrator of an Assisted Living Facility for Elderly, and I met a doctor. He is 43 years old, very charming, and has his way with the ladies. He has been trying to ask me out and I went with him to a dinner with other co-workers and he was starting at me the whole time. He would always talk to me and flirt little bit. His life is complicated, he doesn't have a wife, but he has a fiance for 30 years, they haven't gotten married, i don't know why. they have a 3 kids. I am not confused, i have two choices. Stay with what I know is safe, but not get excited or feel the spark anymore. Or, try to date the other guy with 3 kids and a finance. I know what I feel is very bad, but that is what I feel and I don't know how to stop it, Is there anyone out there who has experienced this situation? what are your suggestions for me to do to get pass this and end up being happy without hurting anyone?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2013): He can't have a 30 years relationship at 43. When did he start it . At 13?
O, please, this story is as old as this world. He is probably bored with his woman also, that's why he is not going to miss a chance to have a little fling with 21 years old. Why do you even want this old dude? You'll have a chance to sleep with 40 years old plenty, trust me. Enjoy young bodies while you can.
Just one thing to remember: all new becomes old. Every passionate romantic relationship becomes old as time goes by. It would be wise to start getting used to this thought and try to figure out what is that you want in life. If you are looking for never ending passion, you are in for a big surprise,it's not going to happen.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 October 2013):
 you have a third choice.
break up with the boyfriend you find boring
don't date the man who is with someone and is old enough to be your father
be ALONE for a while and when emotionally ready find new and interesting appropriate men to date...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 October 2013):
 When I read a phrase like "has his way with the ladies" I have to laugh. That just means the charming doctor thinks his penis is the most important thing in his life. Ha! He's a sad little man if he can't be a faithful partner.
You have more than two choices. This isn't an either/or situation.
My advice is for you to set your boyfriend free, free to find someone who does love him for real and is willing to share her life with him without reservations. That is not you, as this post illustrates.
Then, you will be free to date as many men as your heart and body desire. A caution for you, though, the men and women who indulge in multiple partners are at high risk for STIs, so always practice safe sex. (Dr. "has his way with the ladies" probably carries HPV (which as you know causes genital warts and is linked to cervical cancer) and who knows what other goodies he has there in his pants. Herpes? So condoms condoms condoms and dental dams and avoid the body fluid exchanges.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): I've experienced something similarI was in a stable yet somewhat dull relationship with my fiancee. We'd been together nearly six years when I met a sweet, shy but sexy "other guy".I struggled with this giddy feeling of lust and guilt for a couple of weeks before ending the relationship with my fiance. I hadn't felt such powerful feelings of attraction for a long time and it was exciting. I then went straight into the waiting arms (and bed) of "other guy". (He was single so he actually was available)I hadn't thought to question "other guys" feeling for me. I ASSUMED that his feelings were as intense as mine, I got so whipped up in the excitement. In reality he was perfectly happy with just a brief fling and within 4 months he'd removed himself from my life and I was heartbroken.I did try to patch things up with my fiance and he was very noble about it but said "no thank you"So I was left with nobody and it was a very long time before I got over both guys. It took much longer to get over my fiance though because although we might have become a bit boring together he did love me - very much.This was nearly 20 years ago and I have never gone on to meet another decent guy. I've met player after player after player.I don't know if my relationship with my fiance would ultimately have worked and I've gone on to have a lot of life experiences which I may not have had if I'd stayed with him but breaking up with him because of another guy was really a wrong move and caused me a lot of heartache.You say you have 2 choices - actually you have a third - you could end your relationship with your boyfriend and NOT go out with this doctor. Instead, figure out what you want from life.This doctor is unavailable and has not really done anything to indicate that he wants to get intimate at all (except stare) and he certainly hasn't offered a relationship so leave him alone
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2013): It is quite possible that your two year relationship has run it's course. You are still a very young adult and there is no saying whether this is the guy you will end up with. Relationships are meant to grow and they take work. You have already settled into the same routines and have become complacent in the relationship, which often happens with couples and then they get bored, but nobody does anything to change it. You are equally responsible for keeping that spark going. You both need to change up that routine, do things to get excited about, like when you first started dating. If you are not interested in doing that, then it's time to end it and allow him the same.As far as this guy at work? Stop right there. He is significantly older than you and I promise you, the ONLY thing he wants from you is a romp with a young pretty girl, while he keeps his adult life with a partner, kids and his career. The fact that he is behaving this way, not only with you, but other ladies at work, really makes him a loser, a dishonest man who does not have any respect or honor to his partner of 30 years, his children, or himself, and extremely unprofessional behavior at work. He is a dishonest man and you should know that he is not someone who you could trust as far as a personal life is concerned. Don't get involved with someone who is in a relationship with someone else. Don't lower yourself to that level. Turn the tables here. Would you want your boyfriend to be doing this with other women while he was with you? Do you actually think this guy would change his ways if he got involved with you? Would you really want to be "the other women"? Think about that women who may or may not know what kind of man she has children with and what this guy is doing to her. He is willing to sabotage all that he has so he can have a temporary sex fix. What a pig.Anyway, you have many choices here. You can take a step back and look at yourself and what YOU can do to improve your current relationship. You can make a decision and break up with him, if you really feel there isn't anything left and you do not see a future with him. But you CANNOT make this decision based on a older man who paying you some cute little attention. You CANNOT cheat on your boyfriend and justify your current hum drum reasons for doing so. You WILL NOT get involved with that man because you will seriously regret doing so down the road. Okay, so you can do all of these things, but then they will be very poor choices and will turn out a lot worse than where you are at now.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (25 October 2013):
 Of course the spark is gone, it always fades to boredom when you are having an affair.
FA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 October 2013):
 Fiance or wife, her "title" really shouldn't matter - he has been with her for 30 years, so in all intent and purpose SHE is his WIFE, and you know that. That should make the "doctor" off limits without a doubt.
Why you would even consider a married co-worker is beyond me. When it doesn't work out and he goes back to the wife, because frankly unless you have a golden snatch with extra super powers, he isn't going to leave his wife. Not after 30 years. And IF he does.. he will at some point in time exchange YOU for a younger model. And you will be left in a work environment where no one respects you. See quite often men can get away with cheating, the WOMAN however is always the one who is the main focus. The home-wrecker. I have no doubt a women you age and life experience knows that too.
Come on now, girl!
You want a fling with the suave doctor and you think that wouldn't hurt anyone? Really? Because he is not "technically" married his wife (or life partner/fiance, call it whatever you want) she won't get hurt with him having a fling with you? My guess is, they have been down that road before. And he ALWAYS goes back to her.
As for your BF, you are bored. It happens. If you can't figure a way to work on the relationship because gosh darn it, relationships takes work to last. (Bet your doctor knows that, since he has been with his "wife" for 30 years...) Any how... If you are no longer happy with your current BF, then end it. FIGURE out what you want in a man and go "hunt" for one, but DO yourself a favor and find your dates away from the work places.
End it with your BF, I think he deserves a woman who isn't so fickle that some old fart showing her a little attention and she is ready to drop her knickers.
I understand that he is making YOU feel special and you enjoy the attention, but seriously, where are your morals? Your common sense?
Sit down and think.
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 You do not have two choices here: you have three.
1 You stay with your current boyfriend - not a good idea as your feelings for him have changed and you are no longer in love with him
2 You go out with this doctor - not a good idea as he's already with someone, as you are. This is a person who wants to cheat on his partner and make you cheat on your boyfriend. Not a good sort of person to get together with. How could you ever trust someone like that?
3 You break up from your boyfriend and look for someone else, someone you maybe have more in common with, or who has a personality you find more attractive.
I wish you all the best.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (25 October 2013):
 I don't know why nobody ever seems to think that when they are undecided between two BAD options, they always have a third one, which is : doing neither of the other two things.
You don't have to stay with your bf. I doubt it is " love " otherwise you would not think of cheating on him with the oh so cliche' silver fox ( Yeah I know, Uncles , a 43 y.o. man is actually YOUNG- but not compared to the OP ). At your age , many relationships are transitional and at some pont you find out that you feel affection, fondness , friendship etc. for your bf , but youalso need different things now, the relationship has run its course and it's time to go separate ways.
( On the other hand, if you feel that way just because you have let yourselves get stuck in the same old routine, it should not be that hard to change it and liven up things a bit. Change habits, hours, do new things, both sexually and recreationally, take up a new hobby together, visit new places, etc.etc. Maybe is worth a try ).
As for the suave doctor- oh gosh. He sounds like a professional charmer, and he is actually very unprofessional in hitting on the staff of his workplace.
Anyway, do you really think you have a chance to DATE him ? As in dating - dating ? Going out together, meeting his friends, getting to know each other... ? The day hell freezes. The guy may not be legally married, but he is with the same woman since 30 years, he is living with her, and they have 3 kids. All he wants from you is a little walk on the wild side, a discrete taste of young meat. Let's call it a fling, to be generous.
If that's what you are up for atm... I still would choose any other free agent, but not a guy with so much baggage.
If instead you want a real relationship ... I have got the feeling it won't be either with your current bf, nor defiitely with Dr. Strangelove here.
Not a problem. You are young, you can meet dozens, hundreds of FREE guys to choose from.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (25 October 2013):
You are a young adult so you will often encounter these situations. There is no way to choose one and not hurt the other. I will also advise against making decisions solely based on what you feel. Using facts and judging one's behavior to suggest a future is a pretty good idea.
If you were to go with this doctor I am almost 100% sure you will not be happy and things will not work out like you would have hoped. Like you said he has 3 kids and a fiance, plus he might cheat on all of that for you...what makes you think he will commit to you? He just wants to use you and waste your time. This site is holds enough questions from women who have fallen in that trap. And no he will not change for you. It is also my own opinion that the "spark" is overrated, and I would gladly trade a spark for a loving and lasting relationship.
While I understand things have died down with your boyfriend, it would be wise to spend your time to help the relationship. Of course, if you can not handle it then you should just end things. Even though he will be upset, it is better than being cheated on especially if he has not done anything wrong. He deserves to be with someone who will be committed.
When you analyse your decisions, takes into consideration both good and bad, best and worst outcomes.
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