A
female
age
30-35,
*ymmyb
writes:This may sound like something off Jerry Springer, but I've been in a sexual relationship with a guy on and off for 3 years. He's very attractive, a lean, skinny, tall, hippie, mixed with Captain Morgan , James Franco looking pot head with Mick Jagger lips. He's well endowed and pleases me a lot. He's a sweet, white dude who speaks Spanish fluently and I get intimidated because women flock to him and he's uber social. His mother enjoys my company and considered for me to visit her native Mexico. He's opened my mind a lot. He makes me feel special because he says he's never been with a black girl nor someone "like" me and my butt is amazing. Sometimes I feel that he using me for my body, but I'm using him too.He's a bit of a womanizer but somehow he always treats me to something special and comes back to me. We broke up recently because I can't deal with him not working, all we do is smoke pot which is legal in California and drink . Often when we meet he wants to have sex with me for a long time and I get agitated because I have BPD and PTSD from being abused as a child, as well as a prostitute. There are instances when I don't like being fondled or bothered and he gets offended sometimes. But lately since I found who is father is , it's hard for me to open to him or accept him..for some reason.Again,I've been introduced to his mother and brother yet never to his father. He talks about his father being a white, jesus, liberal, hippie handyman and ditching the family when he was a teen. My ex is still on my Facebook and I saw his father's profile and the crazy thing that he doesn't realize is that I slept with his father. It sounds absurd, but I was barely legal and I was a prostitute and his father was a regular. It's disgraceful and haunting because his father is also 55 years old and I'm 23, whilst his son (my ex) is going to be 26 years old and his other son is my age.Whatever the case is, is his dad has disappointed him and his brother. My ex dropped out of school 2 years ago and hasn't worked since. He moved in with his mother and he refuses to attend college with me. The only thing he can offer is good sex yet often at times because of my BPD I lash out on him and it's caused much grief to our relationship. I told him I was a teen sex worker and a stripper and he accepts me for my faults.It's crazy how small the world is and how events can comeback to haunt me, paranoia. I just don't want his father to notice or stumble upon me or find out anything. His relationship with his father now is a bit tarnished especially with his younger brother who just finished his 4 year degree. My ex is becoming a party animal, addicted to alcohol, pot and experiments with other drugs. I just don't want him spiral down anymore but it's hurting me inside.Should I tell him that his father was my former customer?
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broke up, drugs, facebook, moved in, my ex, prostitute, stripper, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2013): Smoking weed is not going to be good for your illness and neither is just hanging around with a pot head who has nothing to offer you then good sex. Life is not just about good sex. Find some good friends and stay away from this loser and get yourself better.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): He is not white, he is hispanic if his mother is from Mexico. Lol
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (6 July 2013):
 You're right, it is one of those "so crazy it must be true" stories.
But here's the thing. I don't think you need to bring up the father at all. Because like the first poster said, I don't think there's any healthy relationship here despite the father connection. Like Janniepeg said, all you have together is booze, reefer and sex. He's got a big dick - but there are other guys out there who are well-endowed, who aren't completely aimless, who aren't addicted to various intoxicants and who aren't spiraling.
This guy is no good for you, you have your own issues and you shouldn't drag yourself into this guys whirlwind life. He is TOXIC for you. And then with his father being a regular for you when you were barely legal? Terrible icing on a horrible cake.
Break up for good, and don't let him come back into your life for the occasional roll in the hay - it doesn't make you happy for more than a moment and it keeps the toxic connection between you alive. Cut him out of your life for GOOD. No contact, no nothing, and move on. You can find much, much better.
And therapy might be helpful for you as well? You seem like you've had a really rough life, and talking about it and finding some guidance might be worthwhile. Good luck, sweet!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2013): Wow that's incredible. When I first read your headline I thought you meant you cheated on your boyfriend with his father. Clearly not the case at all. No, in this instance, I would not tell your boyfriend anything about that. That could traumatize him forever. What's the past is the past. Yeah it's horrible but as long as you've loved him since you've met him, that's what matters. Everybody has a past. And all adults going into a new relationship know that the person they're with has a past. You've been very honest so far about your past sexual history and he's been very tolerant and accepting of it. And I'm sure he doesn't want to know details even though he can put two and two together. I would never bring it up and if by chance someone else ever does, maybe his father, I would deny it. I think it would be in your boyfriend's best interest if you never brought that up and just denied it. Not only could it hamper his relationship with you but worsen his anger toward his father and completely traumatize him.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (6 July 2013):
no there really is no need or benefit to telling him. in fact it could quite possibly worsen his addictions. the best thing is to move on with your life and better yourself as much as possible. well done on going to school, it couldnt have been easy to get out of that trade. also consider therapy for your experiences as a child. good luck x
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 July 2013):
 You don't even call him a boyfriend and even when you get back together it's just sex and pot. What's your confession going to do except humiliate you, make him not want to touch you? If you want a firm break up, just simply cut contact. There is no need to use this to repulse him. You are still trying to recover from BPD and PTSD, so telling him this is revisiting the past. The best thing to do is leave that family alone.
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