A
female
age
30-35,
*inful_thinker89
writes:I am in a rut in my relationship. Long story short I cheated, There was no physical cheating. I was texting my manager and deleting the messages..they were not in any way inappropriate but I knew the fact bothered my fiancee so instead of nipping the issue in the bud I continued texting my manager and deleting the messages. The messages consisted of funny messages like a picture of Melissa McCartney running away ((in the movies Tammy " and the caption reading when your manager asks you for a favor after you've clocked out. Well my fiancee seen the messages and seen that I had also deleted them and was lying to him. He was so upset and hurt that I told manager that it was causing issues and it's best we keep it on a professional basis which he agreed. Since then things have been off in our relationship, my fiancee now questions my every move but also treats me differently which I understand but it leaves me feeling like I'm constantly on egg shells even when I'm doing nothing wrong. Again I understand his insecurities a and I am trying to make it back up to him. He has full access to my phone at any given time. My big problem is that our sex life isn't what it was.I don't mind not having sex until we are back where we were, I can't just have sex or give oral when I feel emotionally detached. It was once passionate and fun but now it feels forced like we just have sex because it's convenient. I love giving him oral sex but that's also an emotional toll that takes me down. My question i is do I force myself to do it? Or talk to him about putting it off until he is able to trust me again?
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female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (18 January 2015):
There's one thing you need to know. You did not cheat! there is nothing wrong in messaging a person, unless it was sexual or romantic. if your fiance has you convinced that its cheating, his insecurities run much deeper than what you are doing. and they are most probably about himself.
Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with. Figure your relationship before you go ahead.
Good luck
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 January 2015):
 Is this the same fiancee you had in 2011/2012 you had a daughter with??
If so, he's hysterical. The guy's a cheating loser, has never given you an orgasm, and you're posting THIS??
Are you playing a game with us????
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (18 January 2015):
You can NOT accommodate someone else's insecurities, because they only get worse when you do that. He should NOT have access to your phone. He's not entitled to it, and given how much access into your identity/finances that phones have nowadays, you might as well hand over your wallet to him at will as well. NO. Lock your phone and computer and social media. Snooping should not be sanctioned.
You didn't cheat on him. Basically, he's being controlling and calling anything he doesn't like cheating. If it were me, I'd NOT delete the messages, lock my phone, and tell him that if he continued his insecurities, trust issues, and trying to lock me in a cage, there's the door.
It's funny -- he's squawking about who you text, going through your phone, and emotionally guilting you into being on constant surveillance, but he has no problem whipping it out for you to service him at will.
I'd break up with him. It would be hell to be married to THAT.
Word of warning though that has nothing to do with him - getting too familiar with your manager, even if you were single, endangers your livelihood. You should keep things professional, and if there IS any correspondence via phone or IM, you should save EVERYTHING. Seriously, you're not going to want to go down that territory where your job or career is concerned.
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (18 January 2015):
You did not cheat! Do not, I repeat, do not under any circumstances marry this man.
His obsessive jealousy and stranglehold on every area of your life is only going to get worse.
Dump him, and find a guy who doesn't give a crap if you innocently text your boss.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 January 2015):
 I don't really think you were wrong OP because the messages weren't sexual and it doesn't even sound like emotional cheating; what was wrong was that you deleted the messages and everyone knows that you only try to hide something when you think you've done something wrong. You probably anticipated his reactions and did so and it backfired gloriously.
OP your boyfriend is a very insecure man and I would personally find it extremely claustrophobic to be with a person like this. Full access to your phone? Why? What the hell is that all about? You're entitled to your privacy and you haven't done anything to break his trust so why should he have to spy on you and monitor and question your every move? This is ridiculous! And by accepting his behavior and thinking that you are actually in the wrong (when you aren't!), you're encouraging him to continue behaving in the same vein and leading him to believe that you're wrong and he's right. Don't do this OP, this man can irritate the life out of you and now that he has a reason, he'll always use this against you to fuel his insecurities.
OP this man is a lot of work and his problems and insecurities are NOT your problem. Don't ostracize yourself from everyone just because your boyfriend feels jealous. And don't ever feel guilty about what you do as long as YOU don't think its wrong.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (18 January 2015):
I don't think punishing him or yourself are methods of winning back trust (even though everyone wishes it was like this). Trust is something that has to happen over time and if you or he is not comfortable about something then I think you should be taking to him about the issues and facing them. He is your fiance after all and you SHOULD be able to tell him how you feel.
I can't imagine that sex is your biggest problem but instead the trust needs to be regained until you both feel comfortable again with each other.
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