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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I've been with my gf for four years and i love her alot. I'm 31 and she's 26 I met her when she came to my city to see her dad and she decided to stay to be with me which is what i wanted too. We have a difficult relationship - she misses her friends and her hometown. She hasnt been back since she met me. She always says she only stays here to be with me - she doesnt really get on with her dad too much so living nearby is difficult for her. She doesnt leave the house, she doesnt have any friends. She could be friends with people i know but she says she wants to choose her friends herself. She says they're not her kind of people and that they share no interests other then talking about me. Shes very talented but has just about given up on all her hobbies and interests, i know she loves me but i can tell she just wants to go. I dont want to move with her i have my family and friends here and i would never leave them under any circumstances. How do i make her stay? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 January 2015):
 wow talk about a double standard.. it's ok to want her to leave her family and friends and home but it's not what you are going to do for her.
LET HER GO HOME... she is clearly depressed and isolating.
4 years without going home is a long time.
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 January 2015):
 In your second last sentence you say this: i have my family and friends here and i would never leave them under any circumstances
But this is what you have expected of your girlfriend, she has left her friends and hometown ..... and while you acknowledge that as a fact you still don't want her to be able to go back home and see them, or be with them.
She sounds very depressed to me, giving up hobbies and interests are not the act of a person who is happy with their lot in life, nor does the fact she has no friends and never leaves the house.
Buy her a ticket home and tell her the money for the return ticket has been put aside for when she wants it and that you will hold it for 6 months or so and send her off with your blessing.
She might find her friends at home have moved on since she left four years ago, and that she doesn't fit anymore, and realise her home is with you afterall.
Either way, if she stays away or comes back to you it will be far better for her to be able to make the choice rather than have it thrust upon her.
A cliché but true in this regard is the saying, if you love something set it free, if they come back, they are yours, and if they don't they never were.
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