A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello cupids! Some help here would be appreciated.I have an 8 week old son with my ex.I left him when i was 3 months pregnant because he cheated, and i was confronted by the "other woman".At the time he had been with her we were not serious, but within that week we became serious and that was the week i found out about his cheating. He swore it wouldnt happen again, so i took him back but the trust had gone by that point and the other woman wouldnt leave us alone,texting me and texting him giving us hassle, and by the time i was 3 months pregnant i couldnt take the stress of it all. so i left.He still to this day maintains she played a part in breaking us up. she did. but im not naive and i blame him too.Since us splitting up, he got into a relationship with yet another woman, and they are even engaged now, however he says he doesnt want to be in the engagement, it was mostly to make me jealous to show me what i could of had , had i beared with him a little longer.Im not daft i know this is his charm, however i do also know that he has done this in an emotional protest. His head has been messed up since i left him. I am aware of that. I just choose not to entertain it infront of him but i do deep down understand. People do silly things in desperate attempts to make the one of their desires jealous, he just went too far.My main issue now is though, that, since hes been with the fiancee, he's been 100% committed to her, as it should be, but im growing concerned about the level of control she has over my ex seeing his son.We agreed my ex could come anytime he wanted to see our son which is usually twice a week.But every time he comes, if she rings him, he has to dash and cant move out the door fast enough! I confronted him over this, because sometimes he wouldnt be here 5 mins when shed ring him and hed run out the door to her! (hardly a good visit)He said hes told her before that hed visited his son here and apparantly she wasnt happy and became extremely jealous so he doesnt tell her he visits anymore!I find this ridiculous, i was with him first, we had a baby together,he hurt me through no fault of my own and i was left with the baby, if he hadnt done that we would still be together!So in knowing that why on earth does this woman think shes got more power over my ex than to let him see his son? He is having to come here in secret now! i dont want him back at all, i just want him to be comfortable in seeing his son without having to dash out the door every time she calls! My ex adores his son, with all his heart, but i think hes too vulnerable with this woman, iv herd that she does scare him a little. Well my whole point is that this woman does not scare me and if this keeps happening i want to know what i should do....Should i message her and lay the law down, IE thats his son, hes only 8 weeks old so he has to come here so stop hounding him everytime he does or they will never bond the way a father and son should!Or should i leave it and watch as my ex struggles to bond with his son? I just dont know , what do you lot think? What would you do?Im furious because hes such a good dad when hes focused but it seems this woman is in the way of that constantly! I went through heartache of seeing the man i loved took away to another woman, i wont have the same thing happen to my son , took because of another woman!
View related questions:
engaged, fiance, insecure, jealous, my ex, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 October 2012):
 I think all you can and should do is telling your ex and growing a pair. He is NOT a great dad, if a whistle from a skirt is enough to make him cut the visit short after 5 minutes. His kid should come first, and unless he is a minor, a total wuss or dazed on drugs, he knows it perfectly, he just chooses the path of least resistance. If there is an issue to be tackled , he is the one who has to bring it up with her. If he is not willing to assert his rights , or to sort out his priorities,... how's that his gf's fault ?...
It is anyway understandablethat due to past history and present circumstances , his gf is less than overjoyed of having your ex spending time with you at your place. I don't think she'd be so uncooperative if the child were older and could visit dada at HIS place, or if dada could pick him up and spend time with him at the park or somewhere. Obviously , at 8 weeks old, that is not advisable yet , but that's something that YOUR EX need to be firm about, - you two don't need to start a dog fight about an ADULT bone like him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2012): Dierdre.........WTF?
I didnt ask for your opinion on my situation in having a baby!
Whats done is done! i know full well hes just as much to blame!
Im not that daft!
And we was serious when i found out i was pregnant, not "casual". We was casual when he first cheated.
But i took him back.
I asked what you lot thought i should do in regards to my exs fiancee having control over his visitation.
Look if you wanna put your two penneth in and have a moan about seperate living parents go do it on facebook ! pffffft!
...............................
A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (15 October 2012):
it takes two to tango.
he is more to blame than her, he is a grown man. you two should not have had a baby in such ''casual'' circumstances
...............................
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 October 2012):
 Your fiance needs a backbone. That controlling woman knows that he does not love her. He could be doing everything, buying a ring, attending to her, but she could not feel his heart. She feels that you are a threat to her happiness. I believe your ex still loves you. Everything he does is still because of you. This is no one's fault but your ex. I do see that the two of them will crash and burn so you don't have to interfere. If you talk to that woman it will only make things worse.
Your son is still very young. So it's good that he is staying with you full time. Have you worked out custody and visitation rights with the court? His ex is not allowed to pull him out when it is his right to see his son, even if he cheats with you, still, it is his right. When your son gets older, like when he is weaned, maybe he can stayover night at your ex.
...............................
|
