A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Well here it goes, I was went on vacation and I kept in contact with my girlfriend that I love very much, and i suspected something was going on and I was right She was cheating on me and she admitted it and asked me to forgive her I was raged but I love her to much to not forgive her since she forgave me once before for the same thing, but not its a few weeks later she is telling me she is not satisfied and still wants to talk to the guy she cheated on me with because i have told her to avoid him, I then asked her who does she want me or him and she said she does not know and is lost, I want her to be mine I am looking very desperate in front of her I don't mean to, but this girl means the world to me I want to marry her and spend my life with her we have been together for almost 5yrs and I love her very much what do you guys think I should do? we have discussed our life and all that what we will do how many kids and all that but when i left on vacation she messed up but she said she only cheated on me because she had a serious trust bond with the person like a love bond and she is not sure who she wants? what should i do
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2009): she told me i wasnt the father of the child. 23 years on my daughter got in touch. she was 23. she is a drug user, alcoholic, slapper. i have been told its my fault because i wasnt around. the bloke i was told was the dad was there at the birth and she had cheated. why my fault. my ex 28yr on now wants to get back together?????
A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 I agree with Grimm here. She's not confused. She just doesn't want you to be mad at her. She wants both you and the other guy. For now.
I agree with LazyGuy in that this relatonships is probably de-evolved to be based more on familiarity than on love and respect.
Options:
1. Part ways
2. If you're unwilling to part ways at this point, negotiate an open relationship. Not easy to do, but it can be done and beats all the compartmentalizing cheating does.
3. Keep things as they are, bide your time and ride this one out.
While I don't necessarily subscribe to the view that 'once a cheater, always a cheater' as a blanket philosophy that applies to everyone, one can't ignore the fact that once that line has been crossed, it is easier to cross it again.
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality + ♥, writes (1 November 2009):
 lol....come on. You cheated..she cheated..and now she wants to keep the guy she cheated with as a friend? And is "confused"?
lol that translates into " I want to mess around with both of you"... I suggest you move on and learn a lesson from this that it takes commitment to make any relationship work.
Sorry young man, but this relationship is dead.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (1 November 2009):
 MissKin says it shows strength that you forgave each other... that is one interpretation. It isn't mine.
I think that the both of you are no longer in love, but in convenience. You been together for a long time especially considering your age and it seems neither of you think it is worth protecting anymore.
You both cheated. If she means the world to you, why did you cheat? The two don't go together.
Sometimes relationships end and cheating is a very clear sign the end is near.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUmm she does like the guy but she is lost on who she wants to be with currently she is with me and i dont wanna leave her becasue she didnt wen i did it to her but i changed and love her very much but i cant take the fact she still wants him as a friend just looking for some advice =[ love her to death
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A
female
reader, MissKin  + ♥, writes (1 November 2009):
 So you've cheated on each other. Obviously this isn't the greatest structure for a relationship but it shows strength that you've been able to forgive each other. You have to ask though, what made her cheat? If she really likes the guy, rather than if she just made a mistake... you can either break it off together and both move on, or let her make the decision about what she wants.
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