A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I came to my current partner as a virgin although, I had experienced oral sex before with my ex of four years. I didn't want to have sex with my partner but it happened anyway and after a while, I learned to like it. But now, I don't feel the same. I have never had a orgasm from him. He just goes in now and that's it. I like him kissing me during but after, I feel totally empty and used. I'm still attracted to him but now, I don't want to bother. I tried giving him oral, being verbal etc. Same routine, he just penetrates. He takes it for granted I get wet easy. So now, I just read erotic books and watch different things for excitement. He's older than me, more experienced. But he leaves me unsatisfied. I don't want to bother anymore and it's just bad. I feel bad because he means a lot to me and I don't want this to hurt us. What can I do?
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kissing, my ex, oral sex, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): have you ever thought about being with another girl? I am in pretty much the exact situation. the difference is i know why my boyfriend can't satisfy me. i am pretty much borderline lesbian and he knows it. I love him, but i am not exactly physically attracted to him. This may not be the same for you. just sharing a similar experience to try to help out. So don't take this as me trying to convince you or "recruit" or anything. Best Wishes!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): there are few things that leaves you un satisfied.1can be the size of the penis and the females experience eg, you cant marry a girl who was once a prostitute and think you shall dig her shallow and be satisfied.2.foolishness, some ladies are foolish such a way that you tell her to do this forbetter penetration she said no coz she know it is special for another person.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (28 May 2011):
"I didn't want to have sex with my partner but it happened anyway[..]"
This sentence stood out in your post. What happened? Did your partner force/coax you to have sex with him against your will? How is the relationship between you two? Is it loving or is it strained? Does he notice you're not satisfied?
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A
male
reader, a-g55  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 Do you think that its magically going to get better once he talks to you. your young and you want more adventure and want to be swept of your feet. your body is tryin to send you a message. take the message and leave him. and find someone who pleasures you
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (27 May 2011):
 He sounds like a selfish lover. Nothing will change until you talk to him. Let him know he is NOT popping your cork and you would really like to start learning how you can BOTH reach "THE BIG ONE".My suggestion-Tell him no penetration until you BEG for it:)Get a great sex book (with pictures to capture his attention) and let him know that unless you can BOTH enjoy the experience..over time you will be avoiding sex with HIM.Also, do not just ask/tell him what you would like done...SHOW him. Show him how you touch yourself (great learning tool) or gently guide him. It is ok to be verbal and say...slow down, I need more...etc.This all comes with practice and time...eventually you will too! *winkGreat lovers are not born..they are TAUGHT. You just need a willing student.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 May 2011):
 I agree you need to talk to him about it.
It's hard I know. I'm in a similar position with my current partner.. and I pointed out to him that blow jobs are NOT foreplay... and he said to me "then TEACH me how to please you"
talk to your partner.. NOT while in bed.. but maybe over coffee or drinks in a private setting...
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (27 May 2011):
 You say that he is experienced, but there are two ways of looking at that: one way, you learn from it, another way you don't.
For example,
1) 10 years' experience
2) 1 years' experience ten times......
Unless he is totally unteachable, unprepared to learn, he must indulge in lots of foreplay to turn you on. The truly experienced among us know that foreplay starts long before the bedroom and in the mind, not body. Any ladies nodding agreement out there?
Then join me in telling this dumbo how to go about it!
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 I think the comments from Annalisa were pretty much right on target.
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (27 May 2011):
 I think you definitely have to talk to him about this.
Buy some toys, tell him you'd like to experiment a bit more, spice things up a bit. It doesn't have to be a mean commentary, make it fun.
Another thing you can try to do is, in the heat of the moment, tell him what you want. I know that if we're in the moment, and a girl squeals at me that she wants me to do something and it'll make her orgasm, i'm jumping down there.
If he cares about you, then if you come to him with a request to do something that'll make YOU feel good, then there really shouldn't be a problem, right?
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