A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm not sure what to think about this situation anymore. I have a male friend who told me that he'd like to be romantically involved with me, however we agreed to wait until my divorce is finalized. We have been close friends otherwise. He told me he will be forever supportive and he's there for me whenever I need. I suggested he could keep his options open and date other women, however I told him that the truth is that I don't want to lose him. He said he "wasn't going anywhere".The past few days our contact has been minimal, however he continues to send me texts asking how I am feeling and what is happening with my divorce. But besides that, he's gone from very open about his feelings regarding me to closed and not saying a word. I'm not trying to push any agenda, but I suggested we still see each other as friends because we enjoy each other's company. Suddenly, he's ignoring any of my attempts to see him. I just don't get it. But, despite the above he continues to text me random messages about his achievements, as if he wants me to know and share it with me. Why bother. It's like he's avoiding any discussion about feelings all together. I don't understand. One minute he says he's not going anywhere, next minute he's checking up on me daily about my divorce and then he avoids discussing feelings. I'm confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2017): First off, why does he have to give you a daily report about his feelings; if you're just being friends for the moment?
He said he wasn't going anywhere; and you told him to keep his options open and date other women.
Are you afraid he took you up on the option to date other women?
He doesn't need your approval or permission to do that. Friends don't have to account for their whereabouts, and are not obligated to check-in on a daily-basis. In fact, friends can go for weeks without a single contact.
He doesn't have to play it all according to your rules. He has his own space, priorities, and personal-obligations. He is free to call or not to call. He's not your committed boyfriend. He's just a friend and he's a single-man.
Deal with your divorce. Get your life in order. Focus on your independence.
He doesn't have to put his life on hold while waiting for you to conclude the changes you're now going through. His feelings may be for real. Yours may only be rebound.
Had he written and asked, I would have told him that he needs to wait and see how you handle the aftermath of your divorce. Allow you time and space to deal with your residual feelings for your ex, heal from your losses, and be more certain of your feelings about him. That way, he will not have to deal with carryover baggage, your suppressed-anger; and the drama from a hostile ex-husband, who resents that you're dating someone he knows.
Both you and your ex need time. Even if your ex is seeing someone already; he has to get used to the idea you are.
Sometimes, woman get flattered with the sudden attention; and even start misinterpreting territorial-jealousy for love. Then the new guy has a drama on his hands.
He needs you to come free of restrictions, baggage, and regrets from the past. So he is letting you come to terms with how you really feel about your divorce, but not allowing you the luxury of having your control over his feelings while you could falter one way or another.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (16 August 2017):
If you suggested to see each other as friends. You both also agreed to hold off until your divorce is finalized. I don't think it is a fun thing for someone to continue discussing feelings or pursue if the other is still married. Keeping in mind that you have also rejected his advances. What is it exactly that you want from him?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (15 August 2017):
 He's being appropriate because he's not supposed to show any feelings towards you until your divorce is final. You are not going to get a clearer answer than "I am not going anywhere," which does not need to be repeated. He's ignoring your attempts to see him because he sees you as romantic potential and anything he does now would be causing you to cheat. He finds it hard to pretend to be friends in real life. He's telling you his achievements because he wants you to feel secure that if you are with him, you would be taken care of. These are signs that he's serious about his intention for the future.
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