A
male
age
30-35,
*ensativeguy010
writes:I started talking to this girl online and after a couple of weeks she gave me her number and wanted me to add her on facebook. For a little while after that we texted just about everyday and started talking about making plans to hang out. We finally hung out downtown and just chatted. It went really well and she enjoyed it. She said she can't wait to hang out again and asked if I wanted to hang out sometime that weekend, so I said yes. The next day she asked if I wanted to hang out with her after work and I said I would love to. We went to the Village Inn and got a couple shakes which she paid for because when I had went to get my wallet I left in the car, she just went ahead and paid for them. Then we went to her friends house whom I have never met before and had a little bonfire. The whole time we all just sat around the fire and talked a bit every now and then, and the girl I’m interested in was talking to her friend about her sister and how she was saying she's kind of nervous about me meeting her. We left an hour and a half later, and on the way back to her place, we were really into a conversation and I happen to not see the stop light turn red. I had to stomp on my brakes in order to avoid an accident and I freaked out and asked if she was ok, and she said she was fine. I kept saying, "Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I’m an f'ing idiot" and she just kept saying that it was ok and not to worry about it. I dropped her off and I didn’t contact her for a couple days because I don’t want to seem desperate or clingy. So after those couple of days I texted her early Sunday night and was like, “hey sorry I haven't texted you lately. I've been really busy. I hope you're not mad or anything.” She replied saying that it was ok, she didn’t mind, and then proceeded with a smiley face. So I went ahead and asked how her weekend was, and she hasn’t replied since then, which was Sunday night... I know she’s been really busy with school and work, but I just can’t stop thinking that I did something because we’ve only talked a tiny bit since last Friday night. Does anyone think that little mishap with my driving that night could have scared her away at all or am I just over thinking, and she's just really busy?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Don't call yourself a f¤¤#¤ idiot. Show some self respect. Then don't send her a message implying she means little to you or that you couldn't be bothered to contact her sooner. Honesty goes a long way. Jump into this without being scared, and tell her the truth: you like her, and you have been thinking of her, and would like to meet up again so you can make up for her having to pay you last time (aka, you pay for her this time). It's the perfect excuse for another date.
Don't brush her off, tell her the truth and ask her to meet you again. Then come up with something fun and interesting to make up for what mistakes you think you made on the second date.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 June 2011):
 No, Fatherly Advice, you weren't harsh, you were sincere and helpful. Our OP is a young man, but not so young to not understand the importance of having, and showing a minimum of social skills and social savvy, and if you don't have it- you must get it, exactly like a driving license.
One cannot forever hide himself behind the etiquette of "shy and sensitive " ( I am not accusing the OP of doing that, I am just talking in general ) as an excuse for bumbling and fumblimg for the rest of his life, - and then maybe write to Dear Cupid complaining that girls are mean and they never call back.
Now, since girls are not really mean, if she likes you at least a little she won't be scared , she may even think that your goofyness was "cute " or " sweet ". Ask her out and you can make it up to her.
But if unluckily she had cooled down, at least for next time is that you never ever should become so flustered and agitated to forget your wallet or " burn " a red light . Act, if not as a debonair as a young Cary Grant, at least mentally lucid and aware , and all will go well.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (23 June 2011):
 Hey,
on reflection I sound pretty harsh in my original reply. I'd just like to add that I know they were accidents or done with the best intentions. I really hope you can take this in the best way and improve your approach.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2011): I agree with the other answers. Those types of things can make a first date memorable!
On my first date with a guy, the entire date went great. On the way home, the cup filled with soda I had gotten at the movie we went to broke and went all over my pants, his truck, etc. It was embarrassing! Two years later and we're still together.
The text you sent her could have been confusing to her, so send her a text today saying you've been thinking about her all week and can't wait until your next date. That should make her smile!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Just to add, one of my friends threw up in her date's car on their first date. They got married a few years later. You can have a disaster and it can be something funny to talk about later!
Ask her out, like on a real date!
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (22 June 2011):
 Yeah, leaving your wallet in the car was a bit of a boneheaded play, especially on a first date. On your next date, insist on paying for everything.
Also: "“hey sorry I haven't texted you lately. I've been really busy. I hope you're not mad or anything.”"
I'm not sure that is exactly the greatest text ever, especially if you hadn't texted her in a couple of days.
In this day and age of digital technology, i think at least a simple text message the day after a date stating simply "i had a great time last night. i hope you have a great day!" is more then kosher, and goes a LONG way in letting her know you're into her.
Your text, with "i've been really busy".. I know a lot of people feel as if that's your classic brush-off line, ya know?
If you're into the girl, and she's into you, she wants to know that no matter how busy you are, you can at least take the time to just let her know you're thinking about her, right? Don't text her 20 times, but one time is a-ok.
I wouldn't worry too much about the car accident. That's the sort of thing that makes a first date memorable. Heck, on my first date with my future wife: It was really really cold out, and i had a pretty old car that didn't have power windows, it still had the old manual window crank.
We went to dinner, and decided to go downtown for some drinks and i tried stopping at a drive-thru bank machine.
Well, as mentioned, it was ridiculously cold out, and when i attempted to crank my window down to get some money from the bank machine, there was this just CRRA-AAACK! sound. I just broke my window! I felt it was so embarrassing, but my wife looks back on it now with much fondness.
What i would do is text her asking simply "hey, what are you up to this weekend? Wanna hang out?"
See what happens.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 June 2011):
Ask her out. If you like her, ask her out on a date. The rest, you are overthinking.
Right now, she's probably wondering why you haven't asked her out. Some rather lame text from you and that was it. She can't be feeling good about how you haven't pursued her.
You may be rejected, but as a friend of mine says, if you don't ask, the answer will always be 'no.' ASK!
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (22 June 2011):
Sensativeguy,
Your name says it all. You made several mistakes and she is not taking you seriously. You may be able to win her back. You can certainly learn from the experience, and improve your chances next time.
While every girl will tell you they want a guy who is in touch with his feelings. What they need is a Man. Once they find a man , feelings are like icing on the cake.
these are the unmanly things you did. She probably couldn't make this list, but she definitely got the wrong impression because of them.
1. You ween to village Inn instead of a local place that you know better.
2. You ordered Milk not Meat.
3. You left your money in the car.
4. You allowed her to pay.
5. You showed poor driving ability.
6. You let her lead the conversation when she gave you time to take the lead.
7. You apologized too much.
8. you called yourself a ** Idiot.
Now up to three of those you may have gotten away with. Especially the driving one, after all you were paying attention to her. But the real killer is when you confirmed her expressed doubts by telling her that indeed you were an Idiot.
Short term she needs a man to excite her, long term she needs a man to protect her. She isn't thinking long term yet. So the driving incident is OK.
One other thing for the general consumption of the board. When you ask a girl to spend time with you, ask her for a "date". That is the word she is dying to hear. To her that means that you are committing 2 to 4 hours to her and her alone. Then part two, give her a few days to anticipate. You want her to be thinking about you right? Give her something specific to think about.
FA
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