A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So, when is it appropriate to ask, or at least hint, that you would like to be exclusive with someone you are dating?I ask because I have been dating a guy I met online for about three and a half weeks. We've been on four awesome, awesome dates. We were in communication with one another for a few weeks prior to our first date. I have verified he is not a hardened criminal and can feel with my intuition that he is a genuine, nice guy. We have great chemistry and, on our last date, we really started to "date". Lots of hand holding, flirtation, and even a smooch or two. ;-) All in all, it feels very promising.Now, I know it is early. A month is not that long and we still have plenty of things to learn about one another and, trust me, I'm not signing wedding invitations. I just know that this feels different. Our dates have felt different than any others I've been on. I feel a real connection to this guy since our last date. We really opened up to one another and our walls came down. As the cliche goes, I felt like I was talking to a trusted, old friend and was wondering, "Where have you been all this time?!" I've been out dating for the past year and nothing remotely serious has come up. All of the guys I've met have been flaky users and/or losers. I'm tired of this grind and can honestly say I want to give this guy a really devoted try. I have no intentions of seeing anyone else and, from the way he describes his goings ons and life, I don't think he is seeing any other women either. I'm just wondering if I should wait a few more dates to ask if he agrees in just dating one another? Or if I feel it now, should I somehow hint at it the next date? Is it too early? And also, how can I bring this up or playfully hint at this in a funny, kind, and not so "on the spot" kind of way?
View related questions:
flirt, met online, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (23 June 2011):
 Agreed. If he is serious about you, he wouldn't want you on the site or even the possiblity of you dating anyone else. Don't play mind games with him, but definitely don't devote everything either. Maybe inform him in so many words that you don't make assumptions and will continue to date and keep options open until it is spoken you are in a committed relationship. I am a very open and outspoken person on dates and they know from the beginning where I stand, how I don't fool around without being in a relationship, and I certainly don't waste time. I've always found that being open and honest about exactly what you want and think is actually really refreshing to guys rather than having to read your mind. I haven't once had a negative outcome from speaking my mind, but that's just me. So if you want to be bold and confident, just tell him flat out you like him and would like to take down the profiles and date exclusively. If you want him to ask you, just wait. If he is serious he will. A guy who wants you will try his hardest to get you and not let you go. My fiancee asked me to be his girlfriend on the third date and only third day after we met. Good luck :)
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2011): If the guy is crazy about you he will request you take down your profile and date only him. Until then I would date others. In general, guys aren't dense and they assume every girl does want a relationship and to not get strung along so you don't need to hint at it to him. He KNOWS that is what you are after.
I would definitely hold off on the sex though until he makes this request!!
...............................
A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (22 June 2011):
 I will give you the best dating advice anyone has ever given me and it saves me SO much from being frustrated. I wish I learned this when I was younger.
First, since there IS no commitment. DO date others or at least keep looking. Why? because you are not yet off the market. You may not find anyone one like as much as this person. If there are not any other prospects, make sure you are at least making "dates" with friends and family.
Do not fill your calandar JUST with this guy.
LET HIM ask for dates with you. Offer what time you have and if you are booked on a certain time with a friend, let him know you have plans, but "I have Wed. available".
A lot of think that would chase him away, or they think it is playing games. It's not. It is showing that you have a life that is full of your own interests, friends, etc.
This is simple psychology. If you are TOO available, there is no reason to pursue you. Having a busy, fulfilling life of your own makes you MORE interesting.
IF he wants to have a committed relationship, HE will tell you and make SURE you are not seeing anyone else and he will be SURE to tell you he isnt seeing anyone else.
I am not sure WHY the psychology here works, but LET HIM bring up the "lets be a couple" talk. For some reason, when a woman brings that up first..men get nervous.
This advice was given to me "Men lead the relationship, but women set the speed".
ENJOY dating a wonderful person. Examine your own needs and boundaries too during this time. The newness of it all is exciting!
For example, one of my personal boundaries is that I do not have sex without a monagamous relationship. Why? Because I BOND with a person when sex is involved. I simply can not DO casual sex. Never worked. Instead of fighting who I am, I make it clear up front to who I am dating.
Yes, some dating connections DO go to the wayside really quickly and that is OK. It saves me a lot of hurt feelings in the end and weeds out people who are NOT relationship minded. I know what I need and what works best for me.
This way, I get to really KNOW a person before becoming sexually involved. I find out how sincere they are in getting to know me, vs just getting in my pants.
I know my limits. You can let him know by your actions more than your words that you are interested in him, but let him LEAD you towards couplehood. TRUST me on this!
if he does not call you for a date when you have some upcoming free time...make plans with FRIENDS. Seriously.
I know you will want to see HIM. (I have been thru the agony of this myself) but it shows him that if he wants to see you, he will plan ahead! I hate to call it future boyfriend training, but it just sets the tone that your time is valuable, that YOU are valuable, and you are a LIMITED TIME OFFER.
Relax and just ENJOY YOUR LIFE.
Best Wishes.
...............................
|
