A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have two sons. The oldest is 32 years old and the youngest is 30 years. The oldest, Rob, is married with two kids and my youngest, Justin, is single with no kids.About ten years ago, we all went on a family vacation (My husband and I, my brother and his wife, and my daughter-in-law's family and my grandkids were not born yet). During this trip, Justin started to realize how much he did not like his sister-in-law and her family. He puts up with them during the holidays but he refuses to go on a vacation with them ever again. He is nice when he is around them but I can tell he can't wait to get away from them when he is around them. He told me and his dad (my husband) that he can put up with them during the holidays and every once and a while throughout the year, but going on a vacation with them is just too much for him.Now he is a great uncle to his six year old niece and five year old nephew. He takes them to Chuck E. Cheese, the Aquarium, the Zoo, est. and spends plenty of quality time with them.The problem is we are going on another family vacation. Justin is refusing to go again and my daughter-in-law and her family (her parents, her brother, and her grandmother) are trying to pressure him into going (they e-mail him and text message him). He is not backing down and is refusing to even think about going. I do not know why they are making such a big deal about him going this year when he has been going on all of the other family vacations in the past ten years (he refused to go on 9 out of 10 vacations). I am worried that my daughter-in-law and her family keeps on pressuring him into going this year, he is going to lose his temper. How should I handle it? Should I talk to my daughter-I-law and her family and if so, what should I say? Am I doing the right thing by not forcing my son to go with us?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2015): Stay out of it.Not your problem at all.He is a grown up.Cut those apron strings.Maybe your son would rather spend his vacation time on a beach with someone hot.He is young let him enjoy his youth.You are only young once.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger  +, writes (1 October 2015):
 I think what you have to remember, is that they are not HIS family.
They are your eldest son's in-laws. They are your grandchildrens other grandparents. BUT, to Justin, they are just people he doesn't like who he has been forced to spend time with in the past.
I can understand your eldest son going to spend time with his in-laws and your DIL staying with you. But Justin is your son, not theirs.
I agree with Honeypie about the babysitting thing. I am in my 30's and single, and couples with children do take advantage of a single friend or relative when having days out etc as a way to get rid of the kids for a few hours and have a relaxing time themselves. It can be very irritating after a while.
He is an adult, and within his rights to choose when, where and with who he goes on holiday with. If he is going to be made to chip in financially or end up being a babysitter, I can understand why he would not want to waste his time and money going on a holiday where he will not get to relax and enjoy himself. It isn't fair on him.
This is not your battle. He is 30 years old! Keep out of it, because you could end up alienating Justin, your eldest son and DIL and your other in-laws.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 October 2015):
 I think Justin is a grown man, and he doesn't seem to have ANY problems saying no.
My guess is, the SIL & family wants him there because he is so good with the kids. It's like a build in babysitter WHILE on vacation!! one that the family & the kids like and trust....
I don't blame Justin one bit for not wanting to go. He is a single guy, and "family" vacation might just not be his cup of tea - honestly the thought of having to vacation with SOME of my family gives me the heebie jeebies. I'd go on vacation with my brother, SIL and nieces, my dad my uncles any day, but my husband side of the family? no thanks!
I don't think he will lose his temper, why would he?
And I get that you can see he is annoyed, but he is ALL GROWN up and can handle himself. If he was any kind of smart he tell his brother to tell the in-laws to back off - but IT HAS to come from him, not his mommy.
It wouldn't be hard for him to say, can't get off work, or got things going on at work, other plans, whatever..
Why they are not backing down? who knows. Maybe they just like having him around.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2015):
 I'd be curious to see how you could "force " a 30 y.o. grown up man to take a trip that he does not want to take .....
Anyway, oh no Gosh, please do not get involved. Did Justin ASK you to say something to his sister in law ? No ? Then , don't.
Justin is 30, not 13. He can handle his social and family relationships with no outside help and as he sees it fit, he can pick his own battles, and also if he makes a faux pas ( like losing his temper, as you fear ), well, he is an adult and he will deal on his own with possible negative consequences of his behaviour.
But, I don't think this will even happen, so far Justin is handling it beautifully, and he never never lets his dislike for his SIL prevent him from being civil and polite when necessary and from being a wonderful uncle. Who could ask fo anything more. Plus , FWIW , as a matter of fact I do not know many single kidless men his age who would even CONSIDER a family vacation , no matter how nice the SIL is. They would more usually travel with a gf or a group of friends . So the unusual thing is not that he won't be joining again the family trip, is that he accepted doing in the past !
He can just say that he's got other plans- and that's what I bet he will do in practice.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (1 October 2015):
 I wouldn't be handling it at all. End of the day they are adults and should be sorting it out them selves. Sounds like he has a very valid point in not wanting to go. Annoying persistence when he has already said no gives a bit of an indication to the type of behaviours that he finds frustrating in the first place. If they keep pushing his buttons them perhaps bait of a stern response is in order. If you are dragging into any discussion with the daughter in law, my advice would be to politely suggest she stop harassing him before it ends in an argument.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 October 2015):
 You could also say gently to Rob, that his wife and her family seem to be getting rather strident on the family vacation when it comes to Justin. That maybe he should let them know it's fine if Justin can't join the family vacation, and not to press him on it, as it seems to be going a bit over the top.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 October 2015):
I would stay completely out of this, other than to say to your DIL and her family, IF they ask, "Gosh, Justin can't go this year, perhaps the best approach is to just let it go."
Justin is an adult and can fight his own battles, you are not responsible for being this particular peace-keeper.
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