A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Trying to say this without sounding arrogant but I'm OK looking according to our society (relevant to the question). I also don't wear makeup and don't wear revealing clothing but a lot of skirts/dresses because they are more comfortable, which for some reason a lot of guys seem to prefer I guess so that makes me more attractive to them. However I don't want to get ahead based on my appearance. Should I do so though?I do get attention for being OK looking but I don't seek it out or really use it to my advantage and sometimes they can kind of be a downside. For example, sometimes much older guys flirt with me by making compliments about my appearance in things like professional situations and though I see other young girls who are also attractive using this to "network" etc., I just can't do it even if they're not married, it feels weird and immoral to do it at work. This leads to other girls being favoured in things like professional situations (even on internships) when I'm being just as nice but also trying to keep things professional, after all it's not fair to the male interns either. I also don't care about "popularity" too much but the most "popular" people get invited out to all the best parties etc. I've got a decent circle of friends etc. who like me but I've noticed that the girls who are the most "popular" (I work in travel blogging right now so networking is key) are the ones who post a million selfies of their faces, legs or boobs on Facebook or Instagram, add loads of guys so they have 50 to 100 random guys liking and commenting "nice to meet you last night"). The girls who seem to be most liked by guys are also the ones who flirt back in a really explicit way, but though I am capable of doing this it seems like being a tease to do this to a guy in case he actually likes you. I just don't want to play with their feelings. But then if you don't flirt back guys seem to give more attention to/want to be friends with the girls who are more sexy "in your face," and sometimes you're seen as bitchy when actually you are trying not to give the wrong impression.I'm not quiet or shy, am extroverted etc., but though I take care of my appearance but definitely do not try to look "sexy" I feel like people (especially guys) sometimes expect me to be more flirty because of that and then resent me when I am not. I do get told I'm "ladylike," "wife material" etc but in this society if you are a woman you get a lot of advantages based on your looks. Am I being too idealistic for not wanting/using these advantages?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (1 October 2015):
 As I re-read your question, are you asking about appearance as it relates to getting male attention? You mention popularity and parties and being expected to be flirty.
What do you mean by "get ahead based on my appearance"? Who are you getting ahead of? Other women? Other men? Other travel bloggers?
Could you please explain a bit more?
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (1 October 2015):
If the job you're trying to succeed in has many people trying to reach a certain goal, then why wouldn't you use every advantage to maximize your career development and potential?
You are in a new arena, "travel blogging" wasn't a career 20 years ago. Being a good travel writer was. So if you're trying to attract the attention of readers or of editors, there's no need to flirt back in a sexual way with anyone.
I'd focus on enhancing your resume through quality writing.
If you show up for an on camera job with broccoli in your teeth and dirty hair? Well, of course you'll be overlooked.
If you show up for work being clean and polished that's great.
If you are concerned about your career, I'd go see a stylist and work out the best way to use your appearance to enhance your career choices.
You don't need to paste on false eyelashes or pad your bra in order to be taken seriously. What you should realize is that the women who succeed in journalism manage to present themselves well, appear like they know what they are talking about and have self confidence. Wearing a push up bra and wearing too much eyeshadow isn't likely to enhance your journalistic aspirations.
You may need to revisit your goals just a bit here. Find a mentor in the business, if there is such a thing, as it's such a young industry.
I'd say we are all given certain advantages and are also provided with disadvantages. Use the former in order to overcome the latter. :)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 October 2015):
 Do what feels right for you, but don't judge someone else for choosing another path.
I think many pretty girls DO have advantages, their beauty can also be a disadvantage real fast, as in, people will presume that you aren't as good at your job because you MUST have either slept your way to the top (or where ever you are) or used your looks.
IF you are not into make up and sexy clothes, that is fine. People use what they have. Some have super social skills, some have brains, beauty, street smarts etc.
JUST because a guy "expect" you to be flirty.... doesn't mean you HAVE to be flirty. Be however you want. YOU are the one representing YOU. I'd say... stay classy.
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