A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My long distance boy friend has confirmed to me today that he has a new woman in his life and he may marry her.Why am I so sad and crying? Please help me. I am an adult and should know better than getting emotional. he wants me to write to him to let him know my feelings.I do not want to write to him: telling him that I am emotional and crying.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): Sorry he hurt you this way. You can't be mad at the other woman because she didn't know. What you do is not contact him at all as he doesn't deserve your respect nor your gratitude.Leave him wondering.Let him know he doesn't have any control over you anymore.You are most important.
A
female
reader, AuntyAunt +, writes (4 October 2012):
 It's completely normal for you to be upset, you're not exactly going to be thrilled about the whole idea. Adult or not!
It's extremely strange that he wants to you write to him about how you're feeling, but remember that you don't have to do that if you don't want to. This was his decision.
You'll be okay soon!
Best of luck.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (4 October 2012):
Hi
You are under no obligation to write to him at all.
He made the choice. And if he really cared more about your feelings he would have told you earlier and with more empathy.
I don't believe he met the new woman yesterday.
He has hurt you deeply and your feelings of grief are completely natural and normal.
Sadly he is not the solution.
First off there is you. Time for a change of hair style and maybe a new colour. Then revamp your wardrobe. A LDR relationship may not require a lot of new clothes but right now you could do with a boost and a couple of NEW outfits might be just the thing to lift your spirits.
Do you have a Day Spa nearby? Visit it. Consider a long long deluxe facial and foot massage, and any other lovely treatments they have like a back massage. You will feel like a million dollars after 3 hours in a Day Spa (I speak from experience on this - it can be Divine.
Purchase some new lovely underwear when you get the chance.
Be Very Very Very NICE to you at all times.
From now on you decide what you do and when. You decide who you see and where. And you decide when you need time to yourself and when you are ready to be more sociable.
You will need to seek solace in a range of things to rebuild your shattered feelings. You will eventually heal. No thanks to him.
And you will be a better stronger woman with a much better sense of your own self worth.
I think how he communicated his decision to you demonstrated that he has clearly been seeing another woman behind your back and now what he is asking of you is truly cruel.
Cut him adrift emotionally in your heart first.
Then remove anything of no value that relates to him. If you have anything valuable that is his then pack it up and leave it in a box where it can be accessed if he asks for it. Do not spend your own money on gas nor postage to get it to him. That is his problem.
Consider joining this if there is one near you: https://www.hensdancing.com/
Sign up at the Gym if you do not already attend one - getting those endorphins working will make you feel really good. Try to choose a gym with a pool - it is much more fun. Anyone can fill a garage with some machines and call it a Gym - but a Gym with a Lap Pool really rocks.
You could also consider a nice new hobby.
Perhaps enroll locally to learn water colour painting?
Or go on line to something like etsy.com and get some ideas on what kind of small business you could create to provide you with some fun and some income.
Join a local cooking class - it is not about the cooking - it is about connecting with real people in a real setting and enjoying meeting potential new friends AND learn a new skill at the same time.
Is there a language you might want to learn - find out how in your area. The Citizen's Advice Bureaux usually know all manner of interesting things available in your area.
Learn to fish. Men fish. Lots of nice men fish. And a woman learning to fish at a local trout farm? Believe me you will be swamped with lovely nice men who want to help you learn all about fishing for trout, and along the way I am sure one or two of them will ask you out. Just make sure anyone who does is single or a widower or divorced. Forget the "separated" guy until they get their act together and get divorced.
Later on if you feel like repainting your bedroom and makeing it exactly the way that feels good for you then do that too. It will get rid of any lingering memories.
And never even give a backward glance his way.
If he comes back crawling on humbled knees asking you to take him back do not even think of doing so.
He has treated you with contempt and messed with your feelings.
He is definitely NOT WORTHY of you at all.
Too bad for him that he was never able to recognise the depth and the richness within of who you really are.
It's his loss and he made the decision so now he can wear the loss without any input from you.
Go forth into a wonderful exciting new world. I am sure you will find nice companions than he will ever be.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 October 2012):
 Hi
How odd that he wants in writing what you are experiencing. He has just dropped a huge bombshell, how in heavens name does he think your feeling.
Do not flatter him with a response, block him,ignore his sorry ass.This man has abused your trust,he doesn't deserve to hear anything to make him feel less guilty or whatever.
As others have said, take a day at a time and you will get over him. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): You have just been told by someone you love that he plans on marrying someone else. Umm.... are you supposed to be happy? Absolutely not! That hurts like hell. Your reaction is normal. My advice to you would be don't give that a-hole the satisfaction of knowing your feelings! If he cared at all for your feelings he wouldnt be marrying someone else. He would at least broken up with you first before he decided to move on. He cheated on you! Actually you're better off who needs that in their life! I know you're hurt I've been there. With time, you will heal. Start small get out the house for a walk or have a lunch with friends and/or family. You will come back from this just believe in yourself. Again don't tell this bastard ish! If he cared, he wouldn't have done this to you. I wish you well on your journey.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 Sharing those kinds of feelings is an intimate thing and he is no longer entitled to that kind of intimacy or the reassurance. Don't write to him. Just delete and block him. Leave him wondering.
There is nothing un-adult about having feelings. It's how and when you choose to express them. By all means grieve. That is the normal, healthy thing to do. But do it in private. Close friends make for a good support system, so reach out to them.
Pamper yourself. Plan a nice quiet evening in. Rent some films, have some of your favourite snacks, give yorself a manicure and/or pedicure. Cry, get angry, keep a journal if you think that will help.
Then shake off the dust and move on. You have so many options ahead of you now. Pick something fun to do in the future. Enroll in a class, take up a hobby, redecorate your home or even just one room, go out with the girls, try a new restaurant, go sight seeing in the city, visit the museum, the library.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Hmmm.. I can definitely feel your agony. I understand if you don't want to talk to him about it for it will just add insult to injury.
Your hurt because his not an ex bf, he is a long distance bf.
You expect that the relationship will work out & You love him otherwise you wont agree to be his gf.
He ask you to write him, don't write back. You know better than that. If he is a decent man he will try to call you and formalize everything by phone. So, just in case, i suggest you put in writing how you really feel, so by the time he calls you, you can read everything to him, i realy do think
that you need to have a formal closure with your ex.
It will help you to recover a lot faster. When you hear him saying He really loves the new woman in his life, straight from his mouth, it will hurt you a lot, but it will make you stronger, in the long run make you help forget how you feel for him quickly.
I know its so painful, i could really relate, but LOVE is all about taking risk. There's really no guarantee or
constant in this world. The good thing is that you know you are capable of love and never be afraid of getting hurt coz its a part of life. Never be afraid of letting Go.
As what i always think sometimes God wants to remove people in our life which will be bad for us. God knows whats best, so his taking away that man from you.
One day, you'll be surprise the right one will be just standing right next to you. So Good luck..
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): you're hurt because this means your boyfriend was seeing someone on the side without telling you for goodness knows how long. He betrayed your trust, he used you as a security blanket while going about setting up a new relationship. you've just realized that you were living a lie. it's not wrong to break up with someone because you don't want to be with them. but it is wrong to go behind their back and lie and betray them while still in the relationship, and that's what he did. so not only are you feeling the pain of being rejected, but also being betrayed. I think you should immediately stop all contact with him and behave as if he does not exist - do not return his calls or texts or emails. He just wants to assuage his guilt (because he knows what he did was low) by pretending to be this "understanding" guy by inviting you to share your feelings with him. But honestly, since he has already ended the relationship there is no need and no use for you to ever say a word to him let alone share any thoughts and feelings with him. let him think what he wants, you should move on and you dont' owe him any explanations.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): That is horrible news to hear from someone you are in a relationship with. I don't know how long or often you saw him, but I would think it would be strange if you weren't upset. Did he at least call to tell you this, or did you get an email? I wouldn't contact him ever again if I were you. I'm sorry for the pain he is causing you, don't give him the satisfaction of knowing you're hurting. Take care.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 October 2012):
 why wouldn't you be emotional..
your supposed boyfriend just told you that
a. he's not been faithful and was seeing you and someone else at the same time and didn't tell you
b. he CONFIRMED this so does this mean you had a suspicion and asked about it?
c. he broke up with you and says he cares enough about another woman that he may marry her... that's huge.
he wants you to write to him?
what you write to him is this:
I am in shock
I wish you well in your life
DO NOT CONTACT ME
then block him via email and phone... BECAUSE you need to heal and that will take time and every time you get a call or email from him it will rip the wound open and pour salt in it... better to just let it go as quickly as possible.
but you should be sad
I'd be mad
I'd be sad
I'd be crying
screaming
calling my girlfriends
and probably in my youth begging him for answers or info.
the older wiser me would chalk it up to a lousy time in my life, eat some ice cream and move forward.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Maybe there is no such a woman involved and he is testing you so you show him how you feel about him and your real emotion?
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