A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Help me please!My boyfriend wants me to get rid of my dogs!My dad is a police dog trainer, and ever since i was a kid i've been used to having big dogs. I live on my own and i have two grown rottweilers and just adopted a pitbull puppy. I have plenty of experience dealing with large dogs like that and they are all very well trained. even my baby pitbull, 6 months old is already well trained. i never let them go out of control. not if i can help it.My bf freaked when i told him just what type of dogs i had. he thought i had small little yippy dog, but those annoy me with a passion. And he has just NOW started coming over at my place.the thing is that my dogs actually like him. one of my rotts, Wiley, is very playful and when he plays with someone likes to jump and skip around them (like most dogs do when they play) and does that a lot with my bf. But he sees it as Wiley trying to attack and bracing himself, when it's not true. My other rott, Konan, is quiet and likes to stay by my side. so my bf never has to worry about Konan getting too close (this one is a big rottweiler, with a huge head) and still he can't stop staring at him suspiciously. The pitbull, Monty, just plays with anyone and runs back and forth between Konan and Wiley. He's harmless. they don't growl at him, they don't nip. they don't do anything. but he still wants me to get rid of them.we've been dating for seven months.How can i change my bf's mind about my dogs and convince him that they aren't vicious? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 October 2012):
 Exactly- if you look up my previous post, that was PRECISELY the example I was using : one does not HATE children for being tendentially noisy and rambunctions ,one just does not feel comfortable being in the midst of it all.
Considerate parents DO understand that without taking it personally, and considerate dog owners
can do the same I guess....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): "Not everybody is overjoyed at finding themselves among big,excitable, hyper dogs circling them around, jumping , skipping, romping around , flailing their tails against their legs, headbutting their stomachs for attention, running back and forth ...well, playing in general - some people are scared,but some just,simply, DISLIKE that. Too much commotion, too much invasion of personal space, ... just too much. It feels overwhelming and unnerving. "
That's how I feel about other people's small children, LOL. and yet if I express a dislike of their children I'm branded a child-hater and like I'm in the wrong and the parents are in the right to let their children run wild anywhere they want.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (5 October 2012):
Eh I bet they don't nip and don't growl- who wants to be "nipped " by a rottweiler ? If he had been nipped.... chances are he would have not come back for a second visit :)
OP, just to clarify ,in case you think I have a prejudice against dogs,- until I lived in a house with a garden I had dogs ( one at a time, though , I must say ) and the last one was the apple of my eye and a powerhouse of a dog : a 125 pounds black Bouvier des Flandres .
So, I think I actually understand what you mean, but.... you see, you reason as a dog lover :) You say : they don't nip, don't growl, don't pounce ( again, I bet ! A rottweiler pouncing on you can topple you over with no much effort ), they don't attack him, - they are just PLAYING, and being their doggie self, so what's the problem.
Believe it or not, for LOTS of people there IS a problem-normal people, not dog haters. Not everybody is overjoyed at finding themselves among big,excitable, hyper dogs circling them around, jumping , skipping, romping around , flailing their tails against their legs, headbutting their stomachs for attention, running back and forth ...well, playing in general - some people are scared,but some just,simply, DISLIKE that. Too much commotion, too much invasion of personal space, ... just too much. It feels overwhelming and unnerving.
So, even if it sounds that all in all, you don't have a problem at all, because your bf changed his mind and does NOT want you to get rid of your dogs but in fact wants to spend time and make friends with them.... I think the anonymous female gave you an excellent advice when she says you could train yor dogs to sit on their beds at a reasonable distance, and not pester bf for petting or attention. It's not cruel, it's sensible- even young children have to learn that they can't play and romp around any odd time they want, but there are occasions when they have to behave !
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2012): sounds like this is the wrong guy for you. Anyone who would want you to give up your loved ones and family members for them, is displaying blatant lack of respect, caring and consideration for you. It's offensive.
If he is willing to work this out not just demand you get rid of your dogs, then you can come to some compromise. e.g. you could train your dogs to go to their beds when he's in the room so they're not as close to him. You could occupy them with chew bones so they'll not be soliciting petting or attention when he's around.
I think it will also help your bf get more confident around them if he can give them some simple commands where they will obey him. for example he can tell them to sit or lie down for treats. And then if they listen to him, he may gain some confidence that they respect him and thus are not about to bite him or anything.
I have german shepherds and pit bulls, and I have been a volunteer dog trainer for animal shelters. have your boyfriend read this article about what happens to the majority of dogs that are gotten rid of and end up in a shelter. I mean, sure you can find a new home for your dog yourself, but you have no control over whether that new owner in the future will be faced with a decision like the one your bf is putting on you, and give the dog up to a shelter.
http://akitarescue.rescuegroups.org/info/display?PageID=3247
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): OP, you said in your original post that your bf wants you to get rid of your dogs. That does not sound like he's open to working this out. it sounds like he's giving you an ultimatum - him or the dogs.in which case I say - dump him!! it's very selfish and uncaring for him to expect you to sacrifice your family members (dogs are family) just for him. If he is scared of them, he needs to learn to deal with it. And that can't be done by having you get rid of your dogs!!tell him that if he wants this relationship to work, he has to accept that your dogs are here to stay. To get more comfortable around them he can feed them treats or play ball with them. If he refuses to be around the dogs, then he will just have to not come round that often. But it's unreasonable and offensive for him to want you to get rid of your dogs!I've worked in an animal shelter so I've seen all kinds of dogs from all kinds of backgrounds, as well as people. I've advocated for so-called 'aggressive' dogs (because they really were not). I've had to deal with people's false idea of dog aggression. And all I can say is that unfortunately many people who have this knee jerk assumption that a dog is vicious just because it is a certain breed, are likely to not change their minds no matter how much proof you give them that your dog is friendly and normal. These people have their minds made up, they *want* to believe that your dog is vicious because our over-hyped media has fed them sensationalized stories. My experience is such people rarely can be convinced otherwise no matter how much you show them proof. They "know" what they know.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Never choose your bf over your pets and never let that even be an option in the first place. My ex tried to tell me to get rid of my dogs and then when we went to visit my mom, made a huge deal about my cat sleeping on the foot of my bed. I took my cat into another room and slept in there with my cat lol. I told him sorry cat comes first hes been with me for five years and you have been with me 6mos, plus the cat doesnt cheat. Lol. I have two dogs a cattle dog lab corgi cross and a pit staffy cross. Both well trained and great dogs. My pit loves to go to the park, and of all things he sits in the sand box with kids petting him playing w him, etc. I have kids and he naps w them. They arent vicious monsters, just a lot of dog, and when appropriatly trained they are amazing and loyal. People just make the mistake of getting in over their heads. Good luck!
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 October 2012):
 I would never ever get rid of my pets over a dude.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): me again...I honestly don't think you understand what i'm saying. in my original post i said 'they don't growl at him and don't nip'. neither do they bark around him. And the ones my bf has a problem with are the two rotts because they're fully grown. he sometimes plays with the pittbull puppy because he's still small.He is a dog person, just not used to the idea of having three big dogs in one household. he is open to having a relationship with them. he's apprehensive and i understand why but he wants this to work between us and he knows i love my dogs.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (4 October 2012):
Personally I would not give up my pets, or my friends, or even my plants ,for a bf of 7 months, who ( pardon me ) might very well be with someone else one year from now.
IF you should decide to get married or live together in view of "forever", then you'd have to make a final choice, either you get rid of the dogs, or he accepts to live with them. But for a " new entry " in your life, it's never advisable to make too radical changes too soon.
Said that, I don't think you can change his mind, and frankly I don't think you should try , it's sort of invasive and overbearing. If one is not a dog person, he's not a dog person,and should not be pressured to become one - often it's not a matter of being afraid of dogs- just of not being comfortable around them and not wanting to put up what being around them involves.
I know that this comes like a shock for a dog lover, but what it is normal dog behaviour, and ,as such, funny , cute and endearing for the dog owner, may not feel the same for other people,in fact they may find it downright annoying. Your dogs jump and skip and run and bark around him - maybe, regardless of his fear ,that with time would cease, he just does not find it likeable, and why should he be forced to like it.
It's a bit like, say, with small children, it's not that you HATE them because they have runny noses and sticky fingers and pee on themselves and throw tantrums , you understand that kids will be kids. It's just that,if you are their mom, you put up with all that with a proud smile, in fact you even enjoy it. If you are not their mom,... you should be able to suggest meeting up when the children are at daycare ,without the mom being offended or surprised.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): Ciar...it's me again. i understand what you are saying but you are accusing me of being a reackless owner because i want to let my dogs PLAY??
I never said that i let Wiley jump on my bf or let him skip around him. When he starts doing that and i see that my bf is uncomfortable, I tell my dog to back down. I don't want him to be scared of my dogs, so why would i purposely let Wiley jump on him. It isn't a joke and I greatly understand his fear. Which is why i want to work on him developing a relationship WITH them, without having to get rid of them. if it doesn't work then i'm sorry but my relationship with him won't work either. Me and my dogs, we're a package deal.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): thank you for the replies...really thank you because it's really worrying me.
About my rott that's playful, he doesn't pounce on people, never actually jumps ON them, he skips around them in an attempt to play. since when is it poor training on a dog's part to want to play?
i'm sorry if i sound rude but my dogs ARE good dogs.
and any dog of any breed for that matter could maim or kill, not just Rotts or Pitts.
But i talked to my boyfriend and he told me he doesn't like they follow us around the house.
So i gave him the idea of taking them for a walk and he would be the one holding Konan's leash, bc he has a calmer attitude. Maybe that way he would be able to assert some dominance over them. He agreed but we still have to actually do it.
And i agreed to his suggestion of putting them in the backyard when he's over, because i usually leave the doors open and they are free to walk in and out.
But otherwise thank you...and again sorry if i sound rude, i just don't like when people assume my dogs dangerous when they aren't.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I can understand your boyfriend's fear of those dogs, but it is unreasonable of him to demand you get rid of them, especially if he doesn't live with you. You are obviously fond of them, they mean a great deal to you and to part with them would cause you considerable anguish. So the logical answer to this dilema is for your boyfriend to either learn to accept them, with some patience and co-operation from you or find someone more compatible (namely someone who does not have large dogs).Having said that, it might help you to know that what does not inspire his confidence, or anyone else's for that matter, is naively referring to a Rottweiler or a Pitbull as 'harmless'. You may be very familiar with large dogs, their temperament and their body language, but you are not a mind reader. Like people, every animal has a trigger and a limit. While your dogs have not caused any harm, they have the potential to maim or kill. And if one of them gets it into his head to do that, however unlikely that may be, you would be powerless to stop them. Any dog who pounces on a guest, playfully or otherwise, is a poorly trained dog. And any guardian who allows their dogs to 'jump and skip' around a person who is clearly frightened is reckless and rude. YOU may be very comfortable with them, but a lot of us are not. If your boyfriend had a pet crocodile would reassurances like 'he's harmless' put you at ease? And before you dismiss it as 'different' remember both are large, powerful animals with big teeth and the ability to use them if so provoked or so inclined. If you want your boyfriend to understand where you're coming from, I think it only fair that you try to see where he is coming from. He is justifiably scared of your dogs, not worried about threats to his manly ego.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): He doesn't live with you so why should he care? It's like if you visit his home and tell him to get rid his houseplants on the account of them looking poisonous.
Besides, this breed of dog is one of the most friendliest and lovable. And it's not the dog that's the problem. It's the kind of people that raise them that give them such a bad reputation.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 October 2012): I don’t think that you can change him. I personally could not date someone who owns pet. Cat or dog small or big didn’t matter. I tried so hard but it was impossible to live with animals if they are inside the house. So I married my husband who is like me. Maybe you think I am crazy but I don’t even go to my friend’s house if they have pet. I can’t eat there, the smell, hairs just make me throw up. No matter how clean the house is it still makes me feel sick. Also my brother in law broke with his girl friend because she was not willing to give up her dog. I know he tried but he couldn’t live with her and her big dog. Your boyfriend problem is about the size of the dogs so it is not as severe as my situation but still it is hard, if you want to be comfortable around each other unfortunately you should thinking about giving up your dogs or break up with him.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 October 2012):
 I love newfoundlands so I get your big dog thing. Rotties are darling and my half pit bull was the goofiest thing ever.
big dogs get a bad rap...
you can't change his feelings about your pups I'm afraid.
my fiance is terrified of dogs... big dogs or little... and also DEATHLY ALLERGIC to them. He TRIED to live with my lab/pit mix because she was old and short haired... and after 48 hours he could NOT breathe... I made a choice to have my dogs live with stay at home moms in good homes where I can visit and see them... otherwise they would have been in their crates all day every day while I was at work and then I would have had to have had a dog walker/sitter when I went to stay with the then boyfriend.... in order for us to live together I made a sad choice to let my dogs live better lives.... it's not a choice you can or should make as he's not allergic to them nor would they have a better life somewhere else.
IF your BF can't get over his issues with your dogs then I'm afraid you may have to end the relationship with the boyfriend...
again, I see it on here more and more, folks who delude themselves into thinking they can have it all... folks who think they can make FUNDAMENTAL LIFE DIFFERENCES and choices work...
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 Pre conceptions and assumptions can make life difficult. He thought you would have a little yappy dog. Why? Does he believe they are more feminine? Instead you have big dogs with big pre concieved reputations, and does the fact he doesn't like them threaten his perception of his own manliness?
You can't change his mind. He is not even trying to see the dogs the same way you see them.
I don't know if there is any way around this, looking into the future I doubt he will ever relax enough to 'allow' you to keep these dogs if there are ever any babies between you.
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female
reader, GoVegan  +, writes (4 October 2012):
 Wow i say get rid of your boyfriend. your dogs will be there for you no matter what. Dogs don't moan when something isn't right. And your dogs will look after you.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 October 2012):
 I am afraid there really is no way that you can make him change his mind, the same way that he cannot make you get rid of them. Some people like dogs while others have some fear against them, especially the types of dogs that you have. Maybe in time he will get used to them, but it is fear that is making him feel uncomfortable. There really is no easy answer to this. Maybe you can both come to a compromise.
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