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My husband wants to watch me with another man

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 December 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 28 December 2009)
A female United States age 36-40, *eachyk writes:

I have been married to my husband for 13 years and during this time he has hinted off and on that it would be a turn on for him to see me have sex with another man. I remember at first feeling repulsed by even the thought of being with someone else since my hubby was my first, but now I admit I'm curious to know what it would be like to be with another guy.

For the last couple of months he has hinted that he has the perfect guy for me to be with which is one of his friends who is supposedly well endowed.

Our Marriage is pretty secure and my husband is not the jealous type, in fact I know he would absolutely love to see me enjoy myself. he's kinky that way.

I'm more concerned about myself. In a way I want to be able to enjoy myself sexually and let loose but on the other hand I feel like to have sex there should be some emotional connection.

I would like opinions.

Thanks.

View related questions: jealous, sex with another

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2009):

Do it and i believe Your marriage will be over.

There will be jealousy.Comparing lovers ,next he will want another woman to be fair.You alone are no longer enough

The very definition of marriage is keeping onto each other forsaking all others.

Actually I think your marriage is already over you just don't know it yet.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009):

There is usually emotion invested in sexual activities and thats why it is dfficult for some to think of sex without love. You are obviously someone who thinks like this so it might be difficult for you to act out your husbands fantasy. Im not sure how he knows his friend is well endowed or why this should matter to your husband but i think as stated here by somenone else, this is possibly a reaction to watching pornography.

Also it is only a hunch but do not be surprised if your husband wants to join you with his friend and he pays sexual attention to other guy. As you will be having sex with this man yourself, you will hardly be able to object to your husband becomimg involved too. I have the feeling you have been groomed into thinking something seedy is ok. While your husband has hand picked a man for himself not you.

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (20 December 2009):

bharat mehta agony aunt"Your husband wants to watch you with another man" It is certainly the influence of porn film, that display such situation, which your husband want to actualized. Let me say, it is childish desire. Just, children want to do all thing he happen to see, without knowing the meaning of 'doing'

Such situation is possible, and it can work because sex has more much to offer, but it demand great knowledge about your thinking and about your doing also. First you both should be prepare for knowledge and hard training.

I can advise you to join some tantric group, where you both were trained for 'tantric sexuality, where every thing is possible and work successfully, without hurting emotion. In tantric group you can meet with other like minded people. But, to do such thing on your own is also guarantee for lot of emotional hurting.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States + , writes (19 December 2009):

DoubleM agony auntAll previous responders have clearly advised against this, and I would normally concur. However, as stated on my column page, my views are very permissive. You said that your husband has stated throughout your marriage an interest to "see" you have sex with another man. And now, you express an interest on your own part.

If you are not really sexually satisfied by your man on a regular basis, or if you would truly like to experience another man, then perhaps it is something to consider. You would not be the first, and many married women regularly enjoy other men on the sly. Some others have what is called an "open" marriage. Which is worse? Secretly cheating or variety with permission?

It is certainly a risk and it is dangerous. Yet I know of some open marriages that remain intact. Personally, I would never want a wife to do this, but I'm no longer married. My hope is that no young children are members of your family if you choose to experiment.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (18 December 2009):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with AuntieBimBim - he THINKS he wants to see you with another man. What IF the other man is bigger? Better at pleasing you? You start to have feeling for the dude?

Some fantasies are better left as they are, fantasies.

Maybe you two should try some role play instead?

Doing a 3-some or swinging is not something you can EVER take back. Don't forget YOU will be the one doing the "extramarital" thing here, whether he wants you too or not. So if he later finds out that he regrets having you do this, guess who would be the bad "guy?" BINGO you!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

Tread lightly, m friend, because this could be the beginning of the end of your marriage. :-)

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia + , writes (18 December 2009):

Aunty BimBim agony auntI can see a whole lotta trouble ahead if you agree to your husbands suggestion.

Sure, he THINKS he wants to see you having sex with another man, but give him even a suggestion that you might be enjoying it more than you do with him and he will accuse you of all sorts of things.

If you have sex with another man, every time one of the normal disagreements happen (as they do) between you he will be able to throw your cheatin' ways in your face, he will of course, convieniently forget it was his suggestion in the first plae.

Tell him no, tell him you are prepared to play out fantasies between the two of you but you are not willing to invite a third party into your marriage bed!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2009):

Fantasy is fun, and is one thing. Reality is another story. Beware the lifelong consequences.

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (18 December 2009):

eyeswideopen agony auntBased on this sentence:

"In a way I want to be able to enjoy myself sexually and let loose but on the other hand I feel like to have sex there should be some emotional connection."

I have to advise against this experiment. These situations are dangerous enough but if you really attach emotion with sex 9which most women do) then I think it's a can of worms that should stay closed. Keep it a fantasy, much safer.

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