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My husband wants me to date other men for sex!

Tagged as: Cheating, Faded love, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2017) 7 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2017)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been married for 17 years my husband for the past 5 year asks med to have sex with other men while we are having sex it gets him harder, should I? I have explained to him sex is more then sex to me, he says for me to go out and date then. I feel unloved and that love should be this way. Help??? What do I do, should I get

A boyfriend??

View related questions: unloved

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2017):

Sorry, but your marriage is over. Your husband does NOT love you.

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (10 January 2017):

dougbcoll agony aunt He is not protecting you in your marriage by offering you to other men. allowing you to by chance get emotionally attached to another man, giving you away to another man for their pleasure. he is wanting to taking a huge chance of damaging your marriage and trowing it to the wind.

You should be more valued than this, to be given to any guy that comes along to satisfy their selfish desires, and your husband not protecting what he has with you.

Now my question is does your husband plan on dating other women, and having sex with other women? desiring you to do this and giving him free open door to f##k around with other women.

This plan of his is not looking out for the best interest of your marriage or your protection.this is self centered at best.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntWhat do YOU want?

It doesn't sound like this makes you excited or that it's something you have always dreamed off or fantasized about.

You say that even the thought of this makes YOU feel unloved. Well, no wonder! Your husband is basically saying that the marriage is all about his dick. That his disk is what matters to him.

it sounds VERY much like he is giving YOU "permission" to cheat, so HE can cheat too or so that you can't say squat that he is cheating already.

Wife-swapping and open marriage ONLY work if it's something BOTH parties REALLY want to do and feel comfortable with. YOU DO NOT. So why even entertain the idea? To make your husband's dick hard? Seriously? You should go against your standards, your values and morals for that?!

And just how long would it be before MORE is needed of you for him to get hard?

For him to drive YOU around to truck stops so you can prostitute yourself? Or advertise you on Craigslist?

Maybe YOU need to consider if this marriage is coming to an end because I can tell you this, my respect, trust, affection, and attraction would go down the drain if my husband suggested something like that and even MORE so when I had ALREADY declined, yet he KEPT ASKING for 5 years.

The fact that he has spent 5 YEARS trying to coerce or manipulate you into doing it and YOU are at a point where you are asking random strangers on the internet IF you should, tells me that you don't VALUE yourself, your standards, values, and morals - when maybe you should STOP valuing HIM instead.

Why is the HARDNESS of his dick more important than YOU and your feelings? More important that a 17!!! year relationship?

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (9 January 2017):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Your husband has made it clear he does not honour your marriage, or vows.

He will soon cheat on you, if he is not doing it already, and using this to make his cheating okay. As in...if you are dating and sleeping with other men, then you can't accuse him of cheating.

Any man who encourages his wife to break their vow, is heartless.

You can stay with him and refuse to do what he ask...Or you know what you may need to do.

Whatever your choice...stay away from that life style.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (9 January 2017):

Denizen agony auntWhat do you think? I wouldn't want to share you if I were your husband.

He says it will get him harder. Perhaps, but how long will this effect last?

Getting into the wife swapping scene is a big decision. Some couples seem happy with it but it isn't for everyone. If your aren't comfortable say No. It is your marriage. I think the vows were supposed to mean something. However it is your call.

Look at who his friends are. Is it an appealing prospect?

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (9 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntNo; you clearly don't want one and it would likely ruin your marriage - either because it would make him jealous in real life (fantasy is nearly always better than reality) or because you feel used and degraded. Heck, you could even fall for the new guy and be stuck in a difficult place.

Refuse to do it and get couples counselling or divorce your husband because he's been pressuring you into it for 5 years. If you've been saying no the whole time, divorce him because he doesn't care what you want. If you have been saying you'll think about it, stop and start saying no. If he continues, divorce him.

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A male reader, Phil052 United Kingdom +, writes (9 January 2017):

Phil052 agony auntThis is actually a common male fantasy, to see their wives having sex with other men. For some it just stays as a fantasy, for others they want it to become a reality. It's your choice really, if it's not something you are interested in tell him. I 've heard it can really spice up a marriage, but it needs to be something both partners want.

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