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He's asked for another separation because it's hard for him that I don't trust him!

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Marriage problems, Social Media<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 January 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I been with my husband for 15 years. About 6 years ago we briefly seperated because he started talking and texting with this girl from work. He said that it was nothing but deep inside me always screamed that it was something. We got back together after alot of arguments and fights. I tried to forgive and forget but it was so hard for me specially because he never acknowledged that he did something wrong.Now it been 6 years and he started to talk to this new girl from xbox. He said they are only just friends but I find him staying all night just playing and talking to her. About a week ago he asked me to seperate again because he said that it's so hard for him that I don't trust him even though he did nothing wrong. I don't know what to do and what to think . Am I just being to jealous?insecure? Please help

View related questions: got back together, jealous, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2017):

He has asked you to separate yet again because he wants to play around. With yet ANOTHER woman he is chatting up! Are you beginning to see a pattern here?? It has nothing to do with your trust issues. Nothing to do with YOU. HE IS THE PROBLEM! Why wouldn't you have trust issues with this kind of a pathetic, selfish and dirty player who has already proven himself untrustworthy and unfaithful. And he is STILL AT IT!!! This is NOT a GOOD MAN!

He is using YOUR trust issues as an excuse to get away and pursue another (other) women. He is using it in order to feel guilt free and justified in his actions. All cheaters will turn around and blame YOU for their actions. WRONG. It is NOT your fault. It never was and it never will be. HE IS THE ONE IN THE WRONG. In fact, he has been doing you WRONG for a very LONG TIME.

Time to make the BREAK PERMANENT.

And once he discovers the grass is NOT greener on the other side (IT NEVER IS) do not take him back! Because you can bank on the fact he will try to crawl back to old faithful. You are not a doormat!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (9 January 2017):

Honeypie agony auntThe thing is you two got back together without having resolved the issue what so ever, you both just buried it under the carpet.

Forgiving someone is not easy, but I think in many cases (especially in marriages) there needs to be a resolution of the issue that NEEDS forgiving. And since HE never took responsibility for his actions, it's kind of impossible for you to really forgive. For him, it's a non-issue or just YOUR issues. Except these ISSUES wouldn't BE there if he hadn't acted like a complete twat and chatted up another woman at work.

He is now AGAIN chatting up another woman. And then making YOU out to be the "bad guy" the one who is jealous and insecure... But really WHO is doing something that is detrimental to the marriage here? Him? or you? *hint hint* it's HIM.

I'd say enough of separations, let's just DIVORCE. Why do I say this? Because he has NO intention of stop talking to this woman and he probably is looking for a "separation" to see how far he can GO with this woman OFF the X-box. And IF it doesn't work out and he CAN go back to you. And if it DOES work out well, SHE obviously is OK with seeing a married guy so NO skin off HIS nose. Which keeps YOU in a total limbo. And really who is to say that he isn't going to do this again and again if you stay with him? Each time driving the dagger just a little deeper. WHY put yourself through this? OVER and OVER? I get that you may love this man, but DOES he really love you? OR is he just with you out of familiarity and convenience?

I'd let him go do his thing, while YOU move on with your life and MAKE it a GOOD one without him.

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A female reader, Nittynora United Kingdom +, writes (9 January 2017):

Nittynora agony auntI always say that you know deep down when something is wrong, you can feel it and you cant explain why. If my husband stayed up all night talking to some woman I would be upset. Don't get me wrong I have got male friends on social media and I talk to them and there is nothing going on. If he is doing nothing wrong well okay. If it was me I would put my detective hat on and watch ,wait for him to slip up.....he will, trust me, he will. Why don't you ask to see the messages if its innocent he should not have a problem with it. x

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (9 January 2017):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntYou need couples counselling or to divorce because you can't have separations in a successful, healthy marriage - you need to work through your issues together, not avoid them.

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