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Every time we talk on the phone, he is always clicking away on his computer.!

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 January 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 11 January 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years.

We are both in our early 30's. We are planning to move in together around Summer/Fall.

But, I have a problem with him... every time we talk on the phone, he is always clicking away on his computer. It's quite annoying as all I hear is him clicking. He doesn't have much to say and when I start talking he will either answer with something that doesn't make sense, or tell me to hold my thought because he needs to concentrate on reading whatever is on his computer screen.

He doesn't have an office job, so there are no work related emails he needs to answer. He CONSTANTLY checks emails, and his emails are from online advertisements!!! Ads from Department Stores, Hardware Stores, Updates on Auto Forums, etc. All those are nothing but Junk Mail to me, but he opens and reads every single one of them!

I tell him and we've argued about this so many times - when he is on the phone with me, he needs to TALK and put away his computer! But he says he can multi-task, yet I keep pointing out to him that he can't multi-task because he goes silent and cannot respond to what I am saying. Then he says it's OK to be on the phone and be silent... that we don't always need to be talking while on the phone. Then my thought is WHY phone each other if all we're going to do is listen to clicking on the computer and have nothing to talk about?

I've gotten to the point where once I hear clicking, I will warn him... I will give him 5 minutes, and let him know that if he is still clicking after 5 minutes, I will hang up... and I have been doing that. I will just say, "OK I'm going, Bye." Then he calls me back and apologizes, but within a few minutes goes back to clicking.

I'm so fed up with this, I have no idea what to do!

Please advise! Thanks!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2017):

Are you some how conditioned to put up with peooles poor behaviour towards you? Seriously I would have gone insane. It would have been over long before now. What is he clicking on? A dating site? It seriously makes me wonder what is so darn important that he can't stop. The fact he knows you're upset by it yet continues is disrespectful or an addiction?

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada + , writes (11 January 2017):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Your guy finds his computer more important than you. That is a fact.

The fact that you have stuck around this long to argue about this...interesting.

Men suck at multi-tasking...our minds do not the same as woman's mind.

Three years...and the warning signs are there...So, let's see if your are going to stick for another three years.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2017):

You have started off well with the putting the phone down when he clicks this is called " behavioural modification " however to get the results you wish to get you must continue to do the same each and every time he does .

So he rings back .. you pick up .. he clicks .. you put phone down .. be consistent . Think of a child wanting a cookie .. and you say no .. the child won't just give up on first try .. the child may push the boundaries so time and time again you have to be consistent..

Keep doing it until he learns this isn't on . And stops

Good luck

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom + , writes (9 January 2017):

Denizen agony auntWell this speaks to a general trend in his personality. This will be a future problem for you. You ask him to do something; he says he will; then he goes back to what he was doing.

Can you just imagine what this could mean in the future? For example you ask him to stop what he is doing and collect your from the mall. Or you ask him to do some other important thing and he basically doesn't think what you have asked him is important enough.

Next time it happens put the phone down as soon as you hear the clicking - and don't pick up when he calls back. Enough is enough.

The alternative is you tell yourself this is just a little foible you are going to live with. Is it?

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