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My girlfriend wants a break, what chance is there for us?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2018) 7 Answers - (Newest, 13 February 2018)
A male United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

So my girlfriend said she needs space to work out what she wants. Now I know that this isn’t a good thing but is it necessarily a bad thing? Obviously I have agreed to give her space for one week. Two points though do I text her at all to make sure she’s okay or do i go complete blackout? Can you see this working after the break or is it over?

View related questions: a break, needs space, text

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (13 February 2018):

"Needs a break" = "Not attracted to you anymore."

Proceed accordingly.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (11 February 2018):

There is no such thing as a break. Your girlfriend broke up with you she just doesn’t have the guts to tell you straight out.

You have two choices, you can sit around waiting for this break to be over hoping for a call or text that will never come. Or you can face reality and get on with your life.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (8 February 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntOkay well she needs space as she is not sure if she wants this relationship or not, therefore it sounds like she is simply not happy at the moment, maybe you should spend some time figuring out if there is anything wrong in the relationship that you can see.

Personally for me I would see it as a bad sign. It means something is not working for her at the moment, and instead of trying to communicate and work with you to solve it, she feels she needs to be on her own to solve it, so I don't think it is a great sign. But at the same time you should use this time to think about things as well.

Do you listen to her when she talks to you? She has asked for space and you are asking us can you make sure she is okay. You need to take it serious that she wants space. So do that. No communication at all for the week. Give her a chance to get her head straight.

Relationships CAN work once a break is finished but it would mean both people putting in extra work and effort to make sure that they fix the problems in the relationship. Obviously I don't know your relationship personally so I cannot honestly say what will happen here. But you both do need to sit down and talk to each other, remember to listen to what she has to say and share how you feel as well.

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A male reader, CMMP United States + , writes (8 February 2018):

I've been in your shoes before, and I've seen other people in your shoes before. It's not necessarily a guarantee that your relationship is over but it's likely that it is and this is the easiest way for her to do it

If you don't accept it gracefully then you're a hundred percent guaranteed she's done with you. If you're on the fence to begin with there's nothing that seals the deal like a begging, sad boyfriend.

What I recommend is treating it like a breakup. This serves two purposes if she is on the fence and hasn't made up her mind for some reason you not caring might attract her back to you, don't ask me why. If however she already has made up her mind you will have begun the healing process. By hanging on hoping for something to change you are going to be in a lot more pain then if you just rip the Band-Aid off quickly so to speak.

If it makes you feel any better the first time a girl broke up with me it hurt pretty bad took me a couple of months to get over. But then I met a girl who I felt was a way better match for me. After we broke up I upgraded again, then again then I met my wife. So think of a break-up as a way to weed out people you're not compatible with, because if she was the right person for you, you wouldn't be in this position to begin with, right?

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (8 February 2018):

You are very young. When people have to pull-away from you and can't be forthcoming; they aren't likely to comeback.

Taking a break is usually a way to end a conflict or call a ceasefire long enough to gather the courage and prepare for a formal breakup. Don't get your hopes up.

When problems are recurring, there's no room for compromise, you have been given chances again and again; but the fights and conflict continue. If there is a pattern of being on and off. A temporary bandage over the relationship isn't enough. She wants a clean and drama-free breakup; but she knows your ways. You're not seeing it, so she has to put you in a corner for a time-out. She has to plot and construct a way out, without you making it tough. If she already has someone else in-mind, it's a done-deal!

Prepare for the relationship to end. Even if she wants to give it another chance, the prognosis isn't good that it will workout on a second-chance. Especially if this has happened before.

She needs to decide what she wants? She already knows. That means she needs space to get a head-start in order to get her head right; in anticipation that you're going to be very uncooperative. She also knows it's going to hurt both of you.

Man-up, and go in peace. Deal with the heart-break like an adult. Don't go stupid or crazy.

Leave her alone, no contact. No pathetic begging and crying.

You're only 22, and you have to deal with heartbreak as part of becoming a man. You'll learn to handle the pain, and you'll get stronger. The most important thing is to learn from your mistakes, so you won't repeat them. Do not prolong your agony by trying to force her to change her mind. Let her go. If she needs space, she has to getaway from you!

The follow-up post usually comes within a few days or weeks. Usually, after a lot of tears, stalking, and pleading; the OP comes back to tell us they talked it out. They will give it another chance.

If you hold a person as an emotional-hostage, or against their will; they will give-in only to make the peace. They are forced to plot an escape. That shouldn't be necessary.

Emotional-blackmail will not change what they truly feel. Second-chances seldom workout; especially for people as young as you are. There's so much you need to learn and to do; but a broken-heart will stunt your growth. Unless you try to learn from it, and become a better man for it.

Be strong no matter what.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (8 February 2018):

N91 agony auntI don't think it sounds too promising in all honesty.

There's a reason she needs this space to work things out and I highly doubt it will be fixed in a week of no communication. I'd prepare yourself for the worst.

If things were going well this wouldn't be happening would it? I'd say this one has run its course.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (8 February 2018):

Honeypie agony auntShe wants space for a reason.

Something wasn't working in the relationship, hence the break. Now you might want to consider spending some thing trying to figure out WHY she needs a "break" instead of can I contact her while we are having a break?!

1. If you have agreed to giving her that one week break - go completely com-silent. NO communication. LET her figure her thoughts out and maybe even MISS you a little.

Personally? I don't know your relationship so it's impossible to tell if it will work out in the end. BUT my own thoughts are these... IF someone needs a BREAK from a relationship instead of working out what's not working- it's probably not going to work.

Taking a "break" is the precursor for "break up".

If she isn't sure what she wants, I think YOU can be kind of sure, that YOU are the one she doesn't want to be with. If she has doubts, she might have either another offer ( another guy who is interested or she is interested in) or she is trying VERY hard to dump you in a "nice" and "undramatic" fashion.

You have said NOTHING about your relationship - how long you have been together, how often you see each other, how it's been going... etc. That to me speaks volumes.

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