A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I have been with my girlfriend and soon to be fiance for 6 years Through out the relationship she has been very possesive and jealous, to the point where if i looked at porn or say another girl in the shopping centre, had pictures of a bikini model went to strippers or watched a movie with loads.of sex she would get very upset and angry, and leave me for some of them this has never bothered me because i was more than happy to not do those things as i am loyal and love her.We have been together since 18 years old and the jealousy has been both ways and this is how we liked it.For the last year we have been exploring sexually, we have tried anal sex, double penetration with anal plugs and dildos, gone into bondage and domination from both parties and have enjoyed it very much. The other day she told.me she has watched lesbian porn throughout the relationship, after looking past the hypocrisy i asked her why and she said she imagines me.joining in and it turns her on. It has now got out of control and has turned into detailed stories involving her and multiple women pleasing me and her and us pleasing them together. As she tells me about it shes extrmely horny and i beleive its not a trap anymore even though i have not agreed to do it.When she first said it i played it down as a fantasy and dismissed it.But she is 100% wanting to do it. She told.me shes mazterbaring to women and wants ti watch me fuck them and wants to fuck them whilst they plesse her Some really detailed stuff. She was ashamed after she told me but now is comfortable with it.I love my girlfriend and kept asking her why and said i dont want to ruin us and be a problem later and she almost gets angry in sexual frustration she tells me she has thought about this or years and has only recently told me and opened up a can of worms But if you knew my girlfriend and how jealous she is ths is so out of character its scary My question is What could have sparked this change ?! Does she not love me anymore ? Has any of you ladies out there fantasize of the same thing ? She tells me its fine because she is there and we would not know the girls and there fore she would be fine with it but im worried that after the thrill is all done it will eat and destroy her and eventually destroy us. Can anyone shed some light on how shes thinking or feeling and should i be worried? Ive told her that im.100% satisfied with her and her alone and i love her but she keeps bringing it up and getting off while doing so. Ive also told her i would never welcome another man in and i would go nutsPlease help.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2016): Well, it appears that by having done the things you did in the past you have gotten her mind to the point where she challenged herself to like doing the things that would match your actions. By that, I mean that she must have tried to change, so that your viewing of porn, and checking other girls out, and having pictures of models, and going to strip clubs, wouldn't hurt her any more. And in order to do that, one has to be more open sexually. So she has "opened up" to the point *beyond* the one that's comfortable for you. Which I find a little ironic.
A
female
reader, debsray  +, writes (24 April 2016):
You've been getting some good advice from the commenters. Recently I had a threesome with my boyfriend that turned out not to be a good experience for either of us. In fact, I was seriously considering breaking up with him and posed a question on this forum. Even if you set boundaries, rules can fly out the door once the game starts. You state your girlfriend has jealousy issues and is possessive. Threesomes set up a natural environment for competitiveness which can lead to one, or as in our case, two of the participants feeling slighted. In the aftermath, the accompanying feelings of hurt, anger and jealousy may very well destroy an otherwise good relationship.I'm sure it is not a trap and your girlfriend believes, as I did, that you will both enjoy the experience. Hopefully, you can help her understand that the fantasy really is unlike the reality. In any case, you sound like a good person and I think your girlfriend is lucky to have you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 April 2016):
 I think she changed because, you ever hear people say, "if you are jealous and insecure about your body/sexual performance/partner's exes, then why not be the most sexual, most beautiful so that you come out as the winner at the end? It is this insecurity that drives people to do the extreme, like plastic surgery, becoming a gym rat, health nut, etc.
She turned into this sexual being in hopes that you won't ever turn your attention to other women. I don't think a MFF threesome is a natural desire but from the thought that a person who's most sexual, most adventurous will not lose out.
The drive to be better, exciting can be addictive. I think your girlfriend is becoming addicted. She went too far. She needs to know that sexual confidence does not come from what you do externally. When people say the brain is the sexiest organ, it's true. It really has to do with personality. Charm is something you exude, not obtain by doing something outrageous. I agree that abstinence from porn and sex toys will also help. You told her you are 100% satisfied with her. So the problem is in her mind and it's hard to convince her otherwise. I hope I am wrong too, when I say it's also unhealthy to appease her demands to spice things up. You may want to take a longer time to make sure you are marrying the right person.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (23 April 2016):
 My suspicion is that your girl is watching too much porn, and that she maybe so desensitized by it that REAL sex with you is no match with the intensity of fantasy porn instigates in her. So before you acquiesce to MFF, and thus probably ruin your relationship, I'd suggest that she tries going off porn for 8-12 months, and only after that period you two decide what to do about this issue.
Threesomes, in general, don't work, either because uncommitted people who do it rarely do it again or the committed people who do it don't get to do it again because they broke up. With possessiveness and jealousy issues you describe, MFF is particularly explosive and dangerous.
Nor do actual threesomes match with the fantasy of them. One out the three will definitively end up being s third wheel, dangling along a tortuous affair.
Finally, some people say that threesomes should be done with rules and other criteria involving certain mental states and beliefs about marriage, but again, all of these are just artificial filters created to justify willful violation of monogamy. Once monogamy is violated openly, chips fall in unpredictable ways, and more often then not, people regret it.
In your woman's case, I think her insistence on MFF is porn-induced and her rationality has been tainted by fantasy from movies that are not real. If this was me, I would postpone the MFF decision for 12 months during which time she needs to go off porn. You will get a rational answer from your woman once the desensitizing effects of porn wither away.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (23 April 2016):
 Sounds like she's somewhat curious about experimenting with women to see if she likes it. You two are fairly young and have been together since teens. Not trying to alarm you, but a woman who is doing this just to please you or to spice things up in the bedroom wouldn't be so pushy, in my opinion. From the sounds of it, this isnt about YOU. It's about HER. And she wants to sleep with a woman. This doesn't sound like good ole healthy just trying to spice things up. I hope I'm wrong.
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