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I no longer want to see my LDR boyfriend and he's talking about moving in together!

Tagged as: Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 April 2016) 2 Answers - (Newest, 25 April 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm in a long distance relationship. My boyfriend and I have visited each other on a very regular basis up until the beginning of this year when I took on a new job that doesn't allow much time off.

I've only seen him once this year, back in February. We are to meet again in two weeks. We are also looking at houses to move in together by end of the year.

However, in the past month or so, something in me changed that I no longer look forward to seeing him. I remember when he'd visit me and I had to work, I used to make up all these sick excuses just to leave work early to see him. I wanted to spend every second with him. But now, I dread going to see him, I'm giving every excuse not to go. He says we should start planning the move and seriously looking at securing a place. I don't even want to see him, how can I look forward to moving in with him??? I'm trying to postpone the move in. I'm wanting more time to myself. I feel like I just don't want to be with him anymore... like I'm wasting my vacation time just to go see him. I'm stressing out about it and really don't want to go.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (25 April 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntYou need to be honest with him, don't string him along. It is obvious your heart is not in the relationship anymore, if you don't even look forward to seeing him, then the best thing that you can do for both of you is to end it, just be honest with him about how you feel and move on with your life.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (23 April 2016):

chigirl agony auntYou know it, the relationship is over for you. It was nice and sweet and enjoyable, but now you are ready for something else in your life. You want to use your vacations on something else than just spend time with him.

Everything has it's season. Not all relationships are supposed to last forever. Some relationships are like a good book, you enjoy it and read it through, maybe read it twice, but then you're ready for a new book. Not that the old book did anything wrong, but you are ready for something else. It happens.

You need to tell him though. Because he might want to read your book yet a third time, and if you go along with that you will only be miserable and resentful, moving into a house you don't want with a man you no longer wish to be with.

I dislike ending relationships, I avoid the confrontation for as long as possible, just like you. When I was in a long distance relationship, I ended it pretty much by not telling him anything, but booking my next vacation somewhere else. Without telling him or discussing anything. So that when he asked me how we should do it about next vacation, and where we should meet up, I just told him that I was going somewhere else and had already booked the trip.

I know, it wasn't the nicest way on earth to go about it, but it certainly did get the point across to him.

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