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My fiance has stopped trying to make me happy. Its making me not want to marry

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 August 2017) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 August 2017)
A female Brunei Darussalam age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I think my husband to be is taking me for granted and he doesnt really care about my feeling now. He no longer try his best to make me happy. When we meet he talk with me like im annoying him or like he is bored. He seems to lose passion toward me yet he still wish to marry me and have a life with me.

Honestly i know he lose the excitement that we used to have before and so do i. Sometimes i feel that im extremely hate him. I feel so lonely and he cant do anything to comfort me. Or maybe he doesnt even care what i feel. Im depressed by the upcoming wedding..

What i hate the most from him is he cant defend or just stand by my side when dealing with his family. His mother is so controlling and he cant do anything to defend our rights. Whenever i told him about his mom. He seems powerless and angry maybe because he simply afraid of her or maybe he loves her more than me. I lose my respect to him because he cant be the man for me. He is childish and his parents puppet.

Im coming from higher class family compare to his and i think that his parent is so proud about our relation so they told every acquitances about us. Its like theyre so proud that im becoming part of them.. his parent used to care about me. They bought me gifts from holiday and always inviting me to every occasion. But lately i feel his mom is more and more annoying even show her evil side. She talks like all she wants without considering my feeling. I think thats because ive told his son that i want to live separately after we marry. She opposed the idea and maybe she got resentful.

However, what makes me still with him today is his persistance and passion for success. I know he is kind of man who will give me all of him. All what he has if hes going to be succeed. He saves money for buying me my a beautiful engagement ring when he propose. I know he will give what he can give me if its his. But right now he has few to offer me. He works so hard and seldom have any time for us. My friend told me maybe because of he is busy and tired so that he treat me like this?

He said that if he succeed he will give me what i cant have today. What he cant give me today. He knows what i really want is living in our own place building our own family. Not living with his family especially his evil mom who is so stingy and calculating. She is a cynist and self centred woman.

I wish my relationship can get back like before.. i wish he respected me enough just like before so that i can face this with him. Not me alone vs his family. But i know since he is not yet succeed he cant do anything to them and must be obeying all they said which make it more hard for us.

View related questions: depressed, fiance, money, wedding

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A female reader, Caring Aunty A Australia +, writes (11 August 2017):

Caring Aunty A agony auntThis sounds like an arranged marriage? If so it appears you both have been poorly matched. Had you chosen each other independently, I can't see why you need to go through life miserable... too marry someone who has no passion, flame or back bone to stand up for you.

I believe this situation will not get better after marriage but worse, as he has already shown you his Mother rules over him and she will certainly go into evil overdrive thereafter.

I'm sure there are consequences to be had for breaking off a wedding? Yet for me, it would be far worse staying to suffer a long loveless marriage simply because the In-laws are proud of their higher standing social status.

Its like you have been showered with gifts and promises to lure you into this family and then treated with contempt once the wedding was been announced?

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (11 August 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Simple- don't marry him. You hate him, you hate his mother, you hate the idea of being part of his family and of living with them ( not that I blame you ) . Why are you even considering getting married ?

Because, maybe, one day he will be successful enough to be financially independent and take you live on your own ?

Aw come on, you said it yourself ( and not for the first time because this is not your first post about this situation ) that he is a mama ( and papa ) boy. That he is too afraid of his parents to assert himself and defend your interests. I understand that it takes balls to defies society's conventions and traditions - and I don't blame him for not having them. Not everybody is born a social reformer or a rebel. Anyway, for whatever reason , - he has not got the balls to go against his parents's wishes. And I doubt that he will have them even if he should make a lot of money independently ( which is another unsafe bet, because isn't he working in the family business right now ? )

P.S. I do hope that this family is just content with the prestige of being connected through marriage to a family of superior social standing, and that they are JUST happy about the status upgrade; and that there is no big dowry, or any other form of substantual monetary donation from your parents to your husband involved. Otherwise , THAT could be a simple explanation of why future husband and future in laws are on one hand so keen to see you married soon, and on the other hand so unenthusiastic about you .

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