A
female
age
30-35,
*shi
writes:okay. I've been in a relationship of a little over a year now and engaged for a bit of it. But my finance can't cum during sex. he can cum using his hand fine, this bothers me a bit, but I have gotten over it to some extent. I still feel bad for being the only person getting anything out of it. but all thru out relation ship he has always joked about me giving him a blow job. I've always glared at him and said no, and jokingly replied 'only if I'm drunk or high'. I do neither of those. but now he is been mentioning it more and some what saying he wants me to with out coming out and saying it. being the shy person he is.I find it sickening and grose, but I feel bad about him never getting any enjoyment out of anything. I'm split between doing it and not.... and I'm really getting confused.love,confused lover
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blow-job, drunk, engaged, fiance, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, vivian william  +, writes (11 March 2011):
If you don't like doing it then don't. most women don't ilke doing it anyway. Have yr own rules. men respect that. Tell him up front. "Honey,i......( start with something good to say) then tell him that u do not want to ever do it(then explain why).
I will Conform to you that if he loves you he wont leave u just because of BJ. so stop worrying. Whats the possibility that he would want to throw all the memories, times , laughter , time and fun u both had all over BJ?
Give him hand jobs, Hump jobs. Don't compromise yr happiness for anyone.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2009): I used to feel the same way...i felt like THAT didn't belong THERE!! but i had to deal with the reality of the fact that i loved my fiance and i wanted to please him. AND the fact that 99% of men won't date a woman who doesn't give oral sex.i spent a lot of time thinking and figuring out what about giving head turned me off so much. dealing with it like that really helped me address certain issues directly with my fiance, until i was finally ready to take the plunge.fast forward 10 years later and my husband thinks i'm a blow job queen! AND i truly love going down on him and making him feel amazing (the way he makes me feel...)i found a really great e-book you can download that addresses womens' fears of oral sex, and offer step by step techniques for giving great head! you can find it www.blowjoblove.combest of luck - i feel your pain!
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A
male
reader, Americanelvis  +, writes (4 January 2009):
I lived this actually.
I had a girlfriend I loved and dated and considered marrying for 3 years and I gave her mind-expanding oral sex.
But she never blew me once.
Finally I walked because I knew I could not be with a woman with that kind of inhibition since I didn't share it.
Be adventurous. Suck him. Because men DO leave over things like that.
Plus it's fun!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): i dont understand what is so revolting about oral sex, i think that giving head to a girl is fine. So why cant giving head to a bloke be fine. A penis is not revolting and its your relationship so u can do what u want, i personally would prefer a more sexual relationship than a no touching one ..........LOL LOL
sorry i am useless by the way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2008): Hey there, I understand and I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I know everyone else is saying to dump him for pressuring and I agree, but, you are engaged, and you probably really do love everything else about him. However, I highly recommend stressing your feelings to him again that you are not comfortable doing it. If he really can't respect your wishes, then, it might be wise to rethink your marriage. I know it's not what you want to hear, but, it's better than being married for a few years and then get a divorce over it.
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A
female
reader, Cherriepie +, writes (24 February 2008):
 Give the boy a hand hunny. Just do for him what he wants, and he'll give it back in return. You dont't have to use your mouth, just your hands. I'm sure you have touched grosser things...when its done you wash your hands and everybody's happy. If you want to go to extremes buy latex throwaway gloves, you can get them at any drug store. How can you not be turned on seeing him happy...whatever way he wants to cum? You have to give a little too hunny. I hope you get together and try to please him, because you dont want this to be a bigger issue when you get married.
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A
male
reader, ptownpetey87 +, writes (14 January 2008):
 you should feel pressured into giving head if you dont want to... however, if you want to experiment with it, or just want to please him once with it... i recoment you go to a local porn shop... there are body powders and oils that are flavord... then you can just close your eyes and enjoy the candy like flavor... if its the idea of him cumming in your mouth that you dont like, then have em pull out and finish it off with your hands!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2008): If you could suck off his finger without finding it revolting, then you could do the same to his penis. Except for the cum (and pre-cum), it's not really any different in the hygenic sense. His penis might not taste great right out of the pants, but you can wash it & coat it in something yummy just as easily as a finger.
I'm not telling you what to do. But if your only problem is the "revolting" aspect of a BJ then I'm trying to help you get over it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2008): You don't need to do anything you don't wish to do, that said, a oral sex is almost a completely universal sex-act these days, and biologically speaking, a lot less gross than kissing, as ones genitals can actually get a lot cleaner than our mouths. I'd be more concerned about why you find it gross and disgusting, my reccomendation is one of three things, the best is, find a therapist who will see couples and talk it over out in the open. Either you'll be able to overcome your fear of oral sex, or he'll be able to overcome his inability to cum with intercourse, either way it's a win. The second option is either to try and get over your own fear of oral sex, or his inability to cum with intercourse by working it out between the two of you, maybe a compromise is in order. If you two are not willing to do either of these things, break up, neither of you are going to be happy in the long run, if he isn't being satisfied sexually.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Hi Hun, I must admit I used to hate giving head to my previous lovers, but now I rather enjoy it as long as my bf washes down there before hand and vise versa when he returns the favour. There is nothing worse than going down on a guy and all you can smell and taste is stale urine Eww!!! Sorry!!! Too much information. It does not make you any less of a lover if you do not go down on your fiance, there are other techniques to turn him on Honest!! So ignore all those guys who make you feel inferior just because you do not go down on your man, it all boils down to personal choice at the end of the day. I really think you and your fiance need to communicate about what turns you guys on/off in bed, because if you avoid discussing such issues it can only get worse and you will feel that he is calling all the shots in the bedroom. There is one thing that me and my bf find a huge turn off and that is Anal sex (very painful and can rupture your rectum if there is too much friction). But each to their own I guess. Taste of India has hit the nail on the head, go to your local book store and get various sex manuals to read too. Anyway good luck and all the best my love. Dusky xxx.
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A
female
reader, Variety +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Maybe try it. Explain you are not that into it and if you want to stop you can. If you do it once and don't like it then you never have to do it again. Some people hate the idea but find it is not as horrible as it might at first seem. But then it is your choice. You set your boundaries and he is still engaged to you. If you really don't want to then tell him seriously once and for all. Joking about it will not be effective.
Message me if you want to chat. x
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A
female
reader, hello1 +, writes (10 January 2008):
 ALOT of girls don't like doing it, like some guys who don't like going down on a girl. But couldn't you give a bit? like just give him an handjob? If you can't do that then I think you two should split, he'll keep moaning and your just get more frustrated.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): Honey, blow jobs don't have to be sickening. What is it that you're finding bad about them? If it's actually HIS penis that turns you off when it comes to this stuff, then this could be a problem in your marriage. Surely, couples grow to love each others body.
If you don't like the thought of swallowing semen, then you don't have to - remember this. Not a lot of people do swallow it. I don't. You could rub it down your stomach, and although this sounds strange, it can turn him on a lot.
Also, in blow jobs, it's not constantly in your mouth. You can take it out for a while, and talk dirty to him, or kiss his stomach/thighs etc. However, if it's the taste putting you off, you can always use flavoured condoms, flavoured lube etc.
Try to learn to be a bit more adventurous - otherwise, it could come in the way of your love making. If he really wants you to give him oral sex, then why not have a go? Try it out, and if you don't like it, try to avoid it by bringing something else into your sex life, like toys, sexy lingerie, new positions etc. It is important that he comes, yet it is not everything.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2008): Don't do it. That SamuraiRick agony aunt is a manipulator. Don't listen to him. You don't have to give BJ's to anyone. Dump the guy and don't get married to him. I dumped my fiance because among other things he wanted me to give him Bj's and I too find them gross. Those are men who have their minds full of porn and can only come with big stimulations. He can't love you if he is just looking for the fleshy part of the relation. I asked my ex fiance at the very beginning of the relationship if he was OK living without Oral sex and the idiot said yes but 2 years later pressured me to do it. Needless to say I dumped him and never gave him any BJ. Dont' marry him he'll pressure you more and more.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (10 January 2008):
 My question is WHY are you getting married? Clearly you two are sexually incompatible! He wants a blow job...and you can’t stand giving blow jobs…this is what is called a sexual “Mexican standoff.” How can you ignore this and still want to get married? Not only are you bad for each other in bed; you are setting yourself up for him cheating on you with a girl who is willing to give him what you do not want to.
So it’s not a question of… how can I make him happy doing what I can’t stand doing? You should be questioning whether you should even be with him. If he can’t come unless he jerks off that’s a huge issue. Have you even considered doing the hand job for him? If you can’t even do that, than you two are truly incompatible. I feel sorry for him because I feel you are not right for him. You have your ways and you won’t give in to his. You get yours and he doesn’t get his, unless he does it himself.
I personally can never marry much less go out with a woman who did not satisfy me in the sex department. I’m not saying sex is everything, but it’s a huge part of a good healthy relationship. Compatibility is just so important when it comes to sex. You can of course learn about each other and become compatible…..but I can clearly see that in your case you are not willing to budge for him. It’s a shame. But anyway I wish you luck.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (10 January 2008):
 If you feel that strongly about it and it revolts you then don't feel you HAVE to do it.
Personally, and I'm going to get shot down for this, but I'm not fussed about blow jobs. People tell me it must be because I've never had a good one but I'm not really comfortable putting it in there :)
DON'T FEEL YOU HAVE TO DO ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT.
Just my tuppence worth!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Hey there,
I agree with everyone who has already posted. If you really think that giving head is "revolting" and you are completely repulsed by it - don't do it. Don't let him make you feel bad about it. There are plenty of women out there who are just like you and HATE blow jobs and find the idea disgusting, so you are not alone.
However, if you both take showers beforehand and he is thoroughly clean and you don't swallow, it's not so bad. Just tastes like the rest of his skin. I was terrified of giving blow jobs and I didn't until I met my life love. Then when the trust was built (and it was nearly a year and a half later), I went down on him, ended up LOVING it and now I'm down there all the time!
Remember, his penis is a part of him, and it is no more disgusting than the rest of him (lol).
A lot of women have your fiancé's problem - they can't cum through penetration, but they can from manual or oral stimulation. If you hate it though, alright. Find something else exciting to do!! Pick up a copy of the Cosmo Sutra - available at any bookstore or Amazon.com. I love this book, brought to you by Cosmopolitan, it has 77 positions to choose from. Try switching things up and getting wild.
Try new things together, maybe get a few silk scarves. They are the ultimate sex accessory. Perfect for tying up, teasing, blindfolding...
Remember that you have to be willing to compromise with him because you are going to be together for life once you are married, and it would be a sad situation for him if he never orgasms during sex again!
Be adventurous and have fun together.
Good luck, sweetness!
xx India
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Hi,
If you find bj's disgusting I can assume that you are not the most adventurous during sex? i.e. dirty talk, role plays, toys etc?
For a lot of guys it can be hard to come during sex if the girl is non adventurous, the longer it goes on the less friction there is in the vagina and it can get a bit repetitive.
Please dont take this the wrong way, I am not saying you are bad at sex or anything just that you might want to spice things up a bit. What is the harm there, you are in an exclusive relationship, nobody is going to judge you or think anything about you, it is between you and your fiancee.
I only say this as my previous partner was very unadventurous and most times I had difficulty in coming. She was very inhibited and it really affected our lovemaking.
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A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (10 January 2008):
 If you genuinely find it revolting, don't do it. It's not really as bad as you might think though, and it's great for you because you know they're getting great pleasure.
You can set down certain rules, he must wash beforehand, you could try (flavoured) condoms, flavoured lube, etc.
Or, you could spice up hand jobs for him with a bit of baby oil or lotion. Not too much mind.
Is there a specific reason he can't come during sex? Is it physical, or psychological? Is there something you can work towards to get over this obstacle?
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