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My boyfriend's mother hates me and my boyfriend takes her side

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Family, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 September 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 17 September 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 26-29, anonymous writes:

Recently I've been feeling distant from my boyfriend, he s not the person I fell.in love with. He critisces everything I do and makes me feel worthless, I've tried talking to him about how He s making me feel but he says he doesn't put me down that I'm exaggerating however he says he keeps wishing I was a better person.

His mum absolutely hates me and she tells me to my face I'm no good for her son and that I'm not right for him. She made me cry and my boyfriend got mad saying I'd upset his mum and if he had to chose between me and his mum he d chose her. He says I must be horrible to her..I've never been nasty...I've bought her flowers but she says she doesn't like them, I've bought her presents which she tells me she put in charity bag, she slags off my family and she she slags me off to her relatives in front of me.

She hated his ex also. She makes out her son is a saint and I'm this evil witch...her son actually cheated on me but no-one ever talks about that. It's always how I'm a crap cook...how I'm not good a housework or ironing. How I'm weak and too young.how I'm self centred because I apparently have more furniture that looks like something to my taste rather than his sins she reckons...we went shopping together and he told me to just pick actually..He hates shopping we'd have no furniture if it was left to her son! I've had enough and my boyfriend has left me today for few days to say when he comes back he wants me to make up with his mum as to marry me we have to get on.

I really loved this man and would of done anything the house contract is running out his mum has been round constantly slagging me off and persuading him to move back in with her.

She wrote me a hurtful letter telling me how I wouldn't be welcome in her house if her son moved in with me because he was making a huge mistake going out with someone like me and how her house would always be his home but she refused to accept me and never would and she felt he only went out with me out of pity.

My boyfriend says I must if upset her but I honestly have never done anything to her. I feel so worthless and down about myself. I'm really unhappy, I moved the other side of country from my family for my boyfriend as he didn't want his mum to be lonely.

I have no friends down here or family and feel.isolated and alone. I'm scared to leave..we've been together 7 years and I still care about him.i feel I'll have no-one if we split up and we have had some amazing times together and we used to have such fun and laughs and I want it to go back like that but I feel his mum has stuck dagger in.

He told me he loves me and wants to marry me but he has to marry someone who gets on with his mum and told me that's the most important thing to him.

Should I contact his mum...but I feel if I do it'll just be a vicious circle she's never going to like me. I feel so low about myself right now. I have no-one down here to talk to I feel trapped here. I know no-one.

View related questions: cheated on me, flowers, his ex, moved in, split up, trapped

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2018):

You need a bit of cheering up and a way to see things in perspective.

Try this!

Get yourself into YouTube and find inner_integration.

This will be an eye opener to you and you will be surprised at what you find out.

As for that disrespectful mother...she has no right to mistreat you the way she has.

You have reached a turning point. You are at the end of your seven year cycle.

Your man should not have assumed you did anything unkind to his wicked witch of a mom.

It is outrageous.

From now on will be fully informed as to why and how people behave badly to others.

You will discover enlightening things.

You will find friends you never thought you would have.

You can fly their nest and never have to be subjected to his narcissistic mother again.

Ever.

And you will know how to avoid the pitfalls of another narcissist.

Good luck.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (17 September 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntHe wishes you where a better person? Does that sound like someone who wants to marry you? No it doesn't!! His mother doesn't like you and am sorry to say that she never will. He is always going to side with her so you can't win here either way. While I get that he wants to have a partner who gets on with his mother (That is important to me as well) he is obviously blind sided by what his mother is saying to you. If my husbands mother spoke to me like that I would like to think that he would tell her it was completely out of order. However what you have here is a mummy's boy who doesn't think that she can do anything wrong. I am shocked you have put up with this abuse for so long. I am sorry I know you love him but it is not enough when you are unhappy and him and his mother are constantly putting you down. You will end up with no confidence and in a really unhappy relationship. Is your love worth a life time off pain and misery? Get out now while you still can, move back home to family and friends and rebuild your life. I know it will be difficult but you will get over him and when you meet someone else you will see just how a man should treat you.

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A male reader, Billy Bathgate United States + , writes (16 September 2018):

Dump The Mother F**ker Already. There is no reason to stay with this guy.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (16 September 2018):

N91 agony auntI don’t understand why you’re still together.

He cheated on you, his mother is a massive dick and he is a massive dick. What exactly are you sticking around for? You really think having him is better than being single? Someone who constantly belittles you? He is doing it to you to lower your confidence so you won’t leave him because he knows how much of a loser he is and it’s working.

I think it’s clear for everyone to see that his mother doesn’t like you so do you think he will ever propose? Not that it would be a good idea to accept a proposal from him anyway, just the principle that this isn’t going anywhere.

You deserve better and you know it. Move out, back home or with a friend if you have to, or a smaller place on your own which you can afford. Having no BF is A LOT BETTER than having someone that treats you like shit. Sounds like the apple hasn’t fallen from the tree in this family and you will be MUCH better away from those toxic people.

Stop wasting your life with this piece of shit.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (15 September 2018):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntSorry, HE wishes YOU were a better person? Honestly? Sweetheart, in your shoes I would tell him "I don't like the insecure down-trodden unhappy abused person I have become around you. I am going to take your advice and become a better person and the first step is getting rid of THIS toxic relationship. Goodbye."

You have wasted 7 years on this relationship. What are you getting out of it, apart from abuse from both your boyfriend and his mother?

Move out as soon as you can. Move back to where your family and friends are if that is what you feel you want to do. Nobody should have to put up with this sort of abuse.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntDude, DROP this guy already.

She is never going to like you and he is NEVER going to be taking your side. (not that there SHOULD be any sides to take but regardless). the whole "I want to marry you" is BULLSHIT because he knows his mom will NOT approve of you EVER, so he will just drag out the relationship until he finds someone his mom WILL approve of.

He's cheated on you already as well, why do you keep a man around who makes you feel like shit and his mom only compound those feelings?

Time to begin having a life, OP.

You need to work on making a few friends. And not date someone because being alone sounds scary!

If you are working save up money and move closer to YOUR family (if they are a good support-net for you) and DUMP this guy.

UNLESS.... you want to play second fiddle to his mom for the rest of your life.

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