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Is this older woman manipulating me?

Tagged as: Age differences<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 September 2018) 4 Answers - (Newest, 17 September 2018)
A male United States age 22-25, *z2779 writes:

So basically I need advice about my relationship. Let me give everyone some background info.

I started working at my dad's store a few years ago. There has always been this things going on around there that I'm the young kid and learning.. Which is fine.

Well I started dating the deli manager at the same store I work at. She is a very mature girl, makes her own money is smart and I have learned a lot from her.

Back to the boss 's son thing. So there's this situation for lack of a better word that I'm learning so everyone understands that the conversation is being directed to me. I know that sounds a little strange but it's actually very screwed up, unfun the way it is portrayed situation.

So back to my gf. She plays along with this I feel like because she knows it keeps other women away from me. I don't care about what everyone else does but i don't like the feeling that's she keeping me to herself. I'm deserve a mature partner that respects I do that I feel like I can trust.

If i tell her things at home she will actually act them out at the store in a bad way. Almost seems like it's a joke to her. It's one thing for an older women to teach her mate something but something else entirely in this situation.

The thing I'm most upset about is she actually created this atmosphere that I smoke weed or drink out of spite of other people actions towards me. That actually makes people hate me basically almost immediately without any middle ground to actually get to know me.

Am I losing it?! Or is she being very manipulative in a clingy way even though she's ok on her own?

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (17 September 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntYes she is manipulating you and you are the butt off all her hateful jokes. This is not okay in a relationship. She might have many reasons to be doing this. In my opinion I imagine she is doing this because she is insecure about dating a younger man. Still though she cannot treat you like this so you need to talk to her at home and tell her that it is not okay. If she doesn't listen then personally I would be ending this. In a relationship your partner should make you feel good about yourself not the other way around.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2018):

Sounds like she is condescending and poking fun at you. Age doesn’t correlate with maturity. Her behavior is a prime example.

Could you work somewhere else? You’re mentioning a lot of things that allude to a toxic work environment, and you may really benefit from changing where you work.

As for the GF, if you have a conversation with her and the behavior changes, you’ll have to determine if you are still feeling it. Be careful about using substances to cope with stress— you don’t want to use weed or alcohol just for release. Moderation is best.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (15 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntHave a chat with her about this (at home).

Set some boundaries.

Now can it be that she feels a little insecure because YOU are younger than her? Sure. It might explain why she is doing this. To make you seem (almost) unattractive to other people.

And it might just BE her sense of humor. Akin to the male version of "chain and ball at home".

However, if this is not OK, you NEED to be very upfront about and also consider WHAT your actions will be id it continues regardless of how it makes you feel. Now, I wouldn't GIVE her an ultimatum, but you might want to consider that the relationship isn't as good as it used to be or that THIS is how it's going to be. And then decide if that is for you or not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2018):

The advice applies to any work situation, keep it professional and don't get into relationships. You feel she is causing trouble for you and if she is going around telling people your personal business and not being supportive of you i think you have your own answer to the question.

It is your family business therefore you are part of that. I would suggest breaking it off with her, if you are serious about being part of the business focus on learning the ropes and keep dating out of the work place.

Do hobbies that interest you, go out with friends and keep work and leisure life separate, that is my advice

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