A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend told me that I need to lose weight. We just got back together after we broke up for a couple of months and he said that I looked like I gain weight. So I told him you don't love me the way I am? He said I'll love you if you lost some weight. Then he kept on commenting on how the sex will be better and all this stuff. I told him is this the only thing you care about? So you don't love me for the way I am now? He wouldn't say anything he just kept saying oh i'll love you if you lose weight. Can you believe this? I don't think I'm that fat for him to even say this!! Even if I gained a little bit of weight you would think my boyfriend would love me for my personality not for my figure!I don't think my boyfriend even really cares about my health because he kept on saying if you lost weight you would be more sexier. I'm like wtf am I not sexy now? Should I dump him? I feel like this relationship is not worth it because I feel like all he cares about is my physical looks and the sex. Does anyone else think this?
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broke up, got back together, lose weight, my figure Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2007): YES DEFFINITELY Dump Him!!! God made you the way you are for a reason, be proud of who you are and what you look like. He seems shallow and immature. Its the body he wants not the person in the body!!! Find someone who loves you for you becuase he sure doesnt. You deserve a real man.
A
female
reader, NowWhat?  +, writes (10 May 2007):
I agree with everyone that you should get rid of this guy, i mean who needs this? Once it's started there's no end to it. If he doesn't love you for you then even if you lose weight he'll always find something or another to bitch about and it will just turn your life into this awful vicious circle of always trying to please and never succeeding. Yet i think you should work on your weight issue regardless, only if YOU feel it would help your self esteem and general health. You're still young so don't let "weight" impair you or jeopardize your chances to find a better guy. After all, a book IS judged by it's cover
Best Of Luck
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A
female
reader, confused718 +, writes (10 May 2007):
 Yes!!! Dump him!!!!! He does not care bout u. all he cares about is u'r body. do u really want a guy like that???????? i think wat's n u'r best interest is that u DUMP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hope that helped u!!!
Can't wait 2 hear back.
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (9 May 2007):
 All the aunts have summed this one up for you, dump him and find someone that wants and loves you for the lovely person that you are.
x
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A
female
reader, deejuliet +, writes (9 May 2007):
 Absolutely dump him! And I agree with those who say to mention that it has to do with HIS penis size and add that you are worried he may be losing his hair! HA!
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (9 May 2007):
 I agree with the other aunts, especially Dr. Pete! You might also tell him that he's developing the kind of karma the will cause a woman to leave him when he starts to lose his hair. Jerk.
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A
female
reader, aunty jane +, writes (9 May 2007):
 definatley dump him...
you dont need someone dictating to you how you should look and what you should wear,if he fell for you once then it wouldnt matter if you gained lots of weight you would still be the same person inside.....
what if you told him you would love him if he got his penis enlarged? do you think he would do something about it or feel really intimidated about what you said?
hes trying to put you down... dont let him you are worth more than that
ditch him and show him how sexy you can be without him
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): I agree with your thoughts..and you are taking a hard look at your bf's character. In relationships, trouble always, always arises, when love is based only on the level of ones's physical attraction and sexiness. You have some red flags that are alarming you here, hun. Take note. I say dump him now and recover. The sooner the better because your feelings of love for this man won't last long, especially when you can plainly see that he bases his feelings for you on your 'looks'. This is so superficial. sooo shallow. Your man is not loving you in the way you deserve, hun. He cannot accept you for what he sees inside...your spirit, your personality, your ability to love him back. He only wants a trophy, a prize that only enhances his own ego and he has threatened to dump you, to justify his feelings of disappointment. It's all about control and manipulation of you. My suggestion is to think very clearly about his levels of maturity, his character and whether he is good for you. Personally, I feel men like this just worsen, over time. They are soooo ego-driven and incapable of loving someone they see as being 'not up to par' in their vision of a perfect woman. I think you are smart...you are seeing what really, really drives this guy's feelings for you. This is not love on his part. If he was concerned that your weight gain might create health problems for you, then he would lovingly support and encourage you to lose the excess,(exercise and diets) but only because he cares about you. He's not mature..leave him in the dust. You will never regret it, hun.
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A
female
reader, miss fit +, writes (9 May 2007):
this bloke sounds like his brain and his penis are the same. he is shallow and doesn't love for your personality and you should find a decent bloke right away. tell him to get one of those stereotypically thin, insecure bimbos that are ten-to-a-penny. good luck and best wishes.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 May 2007):
 I guess I'll "weigh" in with the other aunts on this one. Dump the insensitive ass, no loss there that's for sure. I'm sure you are beautiful inside and out and that you'll find the guy who can appreciate it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): Leave him before he leaves you. My sister lost some weight for her boyfriend, and then it became a problem which she got anorexia. The end result was that he dumped her. So, why bother putting yourself in a situation like my sister's. You are better off not to be with him, and be happy for who you are, let him miss out on how great you are and can be. :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): Hi,
When one loves someone they accept that person for who they are. If your boyfriend is saying this to you then truly he isn't a boy friend at all.
If he is telling you to lose the weight, then trust me, once you lose it for him, he will find something else about you to pick on, and so on. Sounds like he will never be satisfied with how you look unless if he has a concern for your weight and your health.
Find someone who will accept you for you.
If you think that you are overweight,and would like to lose the weight, do it only for yourself and no one else. Don't let anyone else tell you how you should look!
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (9 May 2007):
 Sweetie, dump him!
As Yos said love is not conditioned upon weight! And when you said [I don't think I'm that fat for him to even say this!!] Even if you were morbidly obese he should say I wont love you until... the proper way would be 'I'm genuinely concerned for your health, lets work together and lose some weight'. There is absolutley no future with an A-hole like him. What would he say if you were having a baby?? Find someone who isnt obsessed with your weight, you deserve so much more.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2007): Yeah agreed with Yos. Dump him, but not before giving him a life-long paranoia about his penis size.
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A
female
reader, candyk +, writes (9 May 2007):
What an awful thing to say! He'll only love you if lost weight?! thats crazy. If you love someone you love them for who they are no matter what size or shape they are, unconditionally. Id say get rid of this guy and get yourself a man who will apperciate you the way you are and will love you without conditions/only ifs.
x
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 May 2007):
 Dump him as fast as you can. Love is not conditional on how much you weigh!! That is a terrible thing for him to say. Kick him out the door and say you would fancy him but his penis is too thin.
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A
female
reader, Midge +, writes (9 May 2007):
 If my boyfriend ever said that to me, I can honestly say his arse would be grass and I would be the lawnmower. What an absolute cheek!
You love someone for who they are, not what they are and what they look like.
I have put on a few pounds since my boyfriend and I started seeing each other, and he loves me the same as he did when I was stick thin. How sexy you are, is in the eye of the beholder. Dont letter someone else make you feel bad because you have put on a few pounds. News Flash - It happens as we get older.
I better if he put on a few pounds he wouldnt have you say things like, you've put on weight to him.
Tell him to go get him a stick thin girl, whose figure will not change in time. Guess whose gonna be a very lonely man, since there are very few woman whose figures dont change over time.
You're better off without him!
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