A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So uhm, I had recently broken up with my bf because i was having this strange feeling that he was flirting with his crush, who, by the way, is less pretty, smart, talented and appealing than i am. So i would get really mad whenever id think about the two of them interacting. I saw pictures of them talking or sitting next to each other, candid shots taken by some of our classmates, on facebook. He told me he was just being friendly, but i still got mad saying he had always known how i felt about the two of them yet he still continued on "being friendly" with her. I also claimed, that by doing so, he showed just how irrelevant my feelings were to him. He just said i was being too jealous. Was i? We broke up last April 7. April 9, i saw a comment on facebook that said he had plans to help her take pictures for something. We fought about it, and he seemed like he really wanted to anyway because he kept saying he was just gonna help her (couldnt he have found it in his heart to say no, IF he really cared about me?). On the 15th, they did their little activity... and my sources told me that HE was the one who asked her to go to the mall with him coz HE told her HE was gonna give her something (chocolate, i found out). So they took pictures, they were with another friend coz they ran into him at the mall. This friend and another friend of mine who, was at the time i was confronting him, was also confronting the girl he went out with, told me they watched a movie. I asked him about it, and i dont think he planned on telling me if i hadnt, and he said, "It was just a movie, F____." There is something clearly wrong with him, right? I mean, he told me he did it coz he was gonna watch a movie with or without her, and she just happened to be with him so he had to ask. Ok. But he also said he thought it was ok coz he thought i didnt care anymore (jerk, we just broke up!). Tonight i found out that, before they took pictures, they ate at a restaurant (old spag house), he payed. He kept saying it wasnt a date, personally, i dont care what he calls it, it sure seemed like a date. Oh, and after the movie, he still asked her to go somewhere with her, my source cant remember where exactly, but the girl didnt go coz she thought the place was too far. He planned to hang out with her the entire day. They were together for hours. I will definitely kill them someday because i know myself and i know i will NEVER find peace until ive avenged myself, but for now, im heart-broken. Any advice...?
View related questions:
broke up, crush, facebook, flirt, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Good for you. Well done. First step. Now you get to grieve the end of the relationship which might not be too much fun, but at least you'll be moving forward. Good luck.
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Good for you!!!!
...............................
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (22 April 2010):
 Good for you, now maybe you'll have a chance at really letting go of the relationship and moving on!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you. I blocked him on facebook, ignored him in messenger, and deleted his number from my phone. Today he held his farewell party, and even though last night he asked me to come and told me he wanted me there, i didnt go. I missed him and wanted to see him to tell him i still love him, but i didnt. I stood my ground.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 April 2010):
You are allowing him to play with your emotions. Take control back. "He won't let me move on."
What would I say to that? "Tough t*tty. Sorry, dude, it's over, we had a chance but it is now over." Then ACT like it, and move on. Read q1605's answer very carefully. He is right, you know.
The more you try to 'avenge' things or keep engaging with this guy, the longer you'll stay entangled and the more drama your life will have. Unless you LIKE feeling crappy and unhappy, stop paying any attention to him. Now, if you are happiest when you feel miserable, then that's a different story. By all means, then stay sucked into his world and his manipulations and forget about independent thought or action. Wait patiently while he goes out on dates with other girls, watch your spirit wither away as you miss opportunity after opportunity to meet a decent guy. Life will go on past you, you'll be there on the sidelines.
I'm pretty sure you don't want that.
Take back control. You can do it. Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, hpoco +, writes (20 April 2010):
He's never going to give you permission to move on, and clearly you will never give him that either. But, that doesn't mean you SHOULDN'T move on. You broke up with him because he was flirting with someone else, he has continued that behavior... its pretty clear he's not going to change. Don't wait for permission, don't wait for him to come back from a year abroad, don't ever be in a "secret" relationship with anyone again, and stop talking to this guy. Find something real. Good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 April 2010):
 You still believe that he loves you- and at the same time you believe he does things on purpose to hurt you,which would not be the best as demonstration of love. Maybe you are not , and cannot be, so sure about his feelings after all.
what you added shows that breaking up might have been for the best anyway. Your ex bf loves flirting- and you can't handle that at all, to the point that you had to break up. People do not really change, unless of their own choice and volition- if you two would get back together,he'd keep flirting and you'd be driven to distraction by jealousy.
It is always difficult to move on when you are in love, but in your case it will be easier since he is going abroad for a long time. Out of sight....
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, you dont get it. He still says he loves me and he wants me to wait a year when he comes back (he's going abroad). He's been flirting with this girl even BEFORE we broke up, and i just got fed up. Our relationship was a secret so only a few of my friends knew, and he was free to flirt when we werent together because he knew that I could never confront whomever he was flirting with. I think he's doing this on purpose to hurt me. Plus, this girl's my friend. I know we broke up, but god dammit, he still wont let me move on. He still says he loves me and he wants to be with me, but now just isnt the right time. How in the world am I suppose to move on then, if he still keeps doing this? If I still believe that he loves me?
...............................
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (20 April 2010):
avenged what? You too are no longer a couple you left him, and maybe you thought you were irreplaceable, and is now very upset that he quickly moved on. Always remember beauty is only skin deep and some people look for more in a relationship like personality. She might not be prettier, smarter and more appealing than you but beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, and she might have something that your EX-boyfriend found appealing. You should move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, cnith +, writes (19 April 2010):
 Dude, you have absolutetly NO RIGHT to be pissed or ANYTHING at him or the girl. And btw, less pretty, smart, appealing, etc. is something YOU don't get to decide. It's HIS feelings, not yours. You do sound like a jealous 15 yr old baby. No wonder he made you break up with him.
I know I'm being a B here but seriously, grow up.
You were already broken up. If he had taken her on a date, who cares?! you were broken up!!
Feelings for you nothing, HE MOVED ON, as should you.
Maybe the other girl treats him better and so he liked hanging out with her. Who are you to dictate who he hangs out with anyway? Unless you know for a fact he was cheating, it was JUST FRIENDS hanging out.
...............................
A
female
reader, hpoco +, writes (19 April 2010):
I have to agree with the last poster, repeat loudly to yourself everyday that YOU BROKE UP WITH HIM. What do you think that means? You have NO MORE claim to him, his time, or his fidelity. He owes you NOTHING anymore. Breaking up means that IMMEDIATELY you are no longer obligated to someone. Especially if you are the person who has been dumped. He doesn't have to tell you anything, he can do whatever he wants and you have no right to "avenge" yourself on him, because its NOT ABOUT YOU ANYMORE. You removed yourself from his life.
If this girl is so far-beneath you, then this guy is foolish for going after her anyway, right? Why not just let them be together in peace and you can maybe find someone who is more appropriate for you. Good luck to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 April 2010):
calm down, and repeat after me : I BROKE UP WITH HIM ON APRIL 7th. I BROKE UP WITH HIM ON APRIL 7th. I BROKE UP WITH HIM ON APRIL /th.
This picture taking-cum-hanging out happened on April 15 , right ?. You two were already broken up and your EX boyfriend had the right to spend his time with whomever he wants, male female or transgender, doing whatever he likes best. Because ,technically, his doings and whereabouts are not your business any more and he is not obliged to give you explanations about them.
I said "technically" because, as a woman, I understand very well that you may feel jealous,betrayed,stabbed in the back,humiliated,let down, etc.etc. It's all perfectly normal- yet it is an emotional, not a rational reaction.
You made the choice to end this relationship, because you felt it was the best choice. Now let him free to make his own choices too.
...............................
|
