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My boyfriend wants to have anal sex more often but it's very painful for me but I want to satisfy him, what can I do so it won't hurt as much?

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Question - (26 February 2008) 24 Answers - (Newest, 15 July 2009)
A female United States age 26-29, *aydizzle writes:

Well my boyfriend wants to have anal sex more often but it's very painful for me but I want to satisfy him, what can I do so it won't hurt as much?

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A male reader, Red Green 0289 United States +, writes (15 July 2009):

Folks, do not use anal-eze or similar lubes that numb the anus. You need to know when your body is feeling pain - it's a HINT to slow down, or use more lube. The last thing you want is to pound away w/o feeling that somethings worng.

My suggestions are, as long as you want to have anal sex, and get some pleasure from it go for it. Some women find it better than viginal sex, and have incredible orgasms. Others find it gross and painful, the rest are in the middle. I've been fortunant enough to be in a long term relationship with a gal that loved it to the point that it was more common than viginal sex (which I missed after a while!). She came like crazy and we found penetration was best after she'd had one orgasm from oral or manual pleasure. Occassionally we'd start with viginal sex, she'd come and I'd ask to finish in her rear.

The act of penetration is erotic and intense. It takes alot of trust, and displane on the guys part. When she says STOP, you stop, when she says go you go...

The tightness and the heat (from the core of her body) is a new feeling. We used alot of KY, but there are other waterbased lubes out there.

We bought a plug, but it was uncomfortable. Fingers worked fine for getting her to relax, and getting a bit of lube in her rectum.

We never had to use enemas, and never had a mess - never, and we did this for over 5 years... occasioanly she got so good at relaxing we did it with only viginal fluid as lube, rare, but it happended and when it did it was HOT!

Toady, my wife is not into it... but she loves to give head (and she's GOOD at it), which is somthing that the old GF would not do... so I'm very happy none the less!

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A male reader, FierceKitty South Africa +, writes (31 March 2009):

A different position, perhaps? My GF finds it easiest in the spoons position, and frequently comes before I do while I am buggering her. You could also try using your hand on your cunt while at it - let your clitoris help things along.

Nobody else has bothered to say this - well done for being so devoted that ou want to please your man at all costs. But work on getting that to flow both ways. You'll please him even more the day you enjoy it too.

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A female reader, ogwvgirl United States +, writes (18 December 2008):

good old KY Jelly and a pocket Rocket!!! :)

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A female reader, susnter United States +, writes (26 October 2008):

I love it. But, if I go for a long time without, it will hurt. Then I need lots of prep and analeze. so, even when the sex between the two of us stops for a while, I will usually (twice a week) wear one of my butt plugs for a few hours a day. I have to say that I like the feeling of that plug in me.

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A male reader, analsexexpert27 United States +, writes (1 August 2008):

If you are going to have anal sex. Its very important to relax and use lots of lube. Anal ease, may also be a very good start. HE can finger your arse with anal ease first. Also a vibrator is a must during anal sex, this will allow you to really enjoy it. You will have more intense orgasm and may'be even multiple during anal sex. So anal ease, lube, vibrator = a good time for you as long as YOU CAN RELAX

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A male reader, john wayne United States +, writes (21 May 2008):

use lots of lube the next time and try to relax as much as possible

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008):

u need to do it there more often

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A reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008):

me? no of course not why would it be me?...(looks around shiftily) i think this word has been spoken too many times people hand your heads in shame!!

lol!

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (26 February 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntAlright who brought up butt plugs? Was that you, missaqua777?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

for god's sake through this asshole to the curb, but first ram a huge dildo up his ass

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A female reader, O Connor Ireland +, writes (26 February 2008):

O Connor agony auntif you dont like ti dont do it - if he doesnt like this decision, then he can go find someone else who will let him do it to her. if he really cared about you, he would enjoy sex with you and not pressurise you into doing something you dont want to - especially something like this as men know how painful and uncomfortable it can be. i tried it once with my bf and hated it, havent done it since and he says nothing! dont let him make you do this, stick to your guns and respect your body - at least one of you should.....if he cant deal with this, then you have bigger problems then anal. however, if you do want to do it more with him cos you yourself want to do it, then just prepare yourself more - use plenty of lubricant and get yourself used to having something in there ie something smaller. but DONT do it just cos you want to make HIM happy!! thats no way to have a relationship! good luck hun, email me if you want more advice!xxx

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A female reader, duskyrowe United Kingdom +, writes (26 February 2008):

duskyrowe agony auntAnal sex can be highly dangerous, it can damage your rectum and you are more likely to catch Aids. I liked Ask older sister's answer, maybe you should stick a dildo up his anal passage and tell you whether it hurts or not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

If its so painful and difficult why on earth would he want you to do it? Yuk. Avoid. I can't tell you the dangers of damage to your anal passage but for starters it ain't the most romantic place to stick it is it....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

anal sex IT DOESNT MAKE SENSE. The butthole is for one thing only there should be no pressure to experiment with this crap, if anything people should make an effort to avoid it. Girl, you don't need to do this for him, you know you dont want this just say no, it's your life your choice, to me its perverted and gross i think of sex as something that should be meaningful and passionate, not some cheap, perverted thrill. say no, he can go and find some low maintenance guy/girl to play with. obviously if you want to its your choice but yeah x

buttplugs? PLEASE NO! makes me feel queasy...

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (26 February 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntTell the jerk to use the hole that God gave you for that purpose or take a hike. He's probably gay anyway if he insists on anal sex.

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A female reader, hello1 United Kingdom +, writes (26 February 2008):

hello1 agony auntWhy do girls do anal sex?? why why why? I don't believe women get pleasure from it, mind you I never tried it and never will!! hahah

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

My husband and I enjoy anal as part of our regular sex life. In order for things not to hurt too much you need to make sure that you are well lubricated and that there is plenty of foreplay in that area - we have a fingers first policy rather then him trying to just put 'it' straight up there. I have also found that the more often you do it the less it hurts - a bit like when you first lose your virginity. After a few times it stops being so painful and you start to understand what all the fuss was about!

We also have it as the last part of sex. I make sure that we have enjoyed oral and 'normal' sex first and the anal sex is like the last 10 minutes so that we have both enjoyed the experience. I never enjoy anal only sex.

But if after a few times you still find it painful and not pleasurable for you, tell him that it's not your thing and explore other ways of making sex exciting that you will both enjoy.

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A female reader, chrissy32789 United States +, writes (26 February 2008):

chrissy32789 agony auntHey sweetie, I have had the same problem as you, but i found this lub called anal-ez and it works really well it numbs you up it hurts for a couple of seconds but then it starts to work...

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A female reader, Cherriepie United States +, writes (26 February 2008):

Cherriepie agony auntYou need to do more foreplay before you go anal, and he can either use his fingers with plenty of lube to ease and loosen it up, or use a small dildo or butt plug. If you know your going to anal, you can wear a butt plug for a good while to prepare yourself before having sex. You can buy butt plugs in a few differnt sizes whatever you feel is comfortable. It could be your guy's dick might be a bit big and anal sex may nor be a good idea, but with practice, prepping and a lot of lube any size dick can do. A little pain does go with anal, but it does ease off if your prepared and relaxed down there.

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A male reader, leonard j. Douglas  +, writes (26 February 2008):

Sexual pleasure, It's about his, not your's. And he is an insensitive Fool that I wouldn't give the time of day. Get out of that relationship,as there are lot of men who know how to love a woman.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008):

Your boyfriend should be a throw-away, and by this I mean that he's into his own sexual pleasure,and don't give a hill of beans about your rights or your feelings. Do yourself a favor and dump the insensitive bum.

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (26 February 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

sorry to say but your boyfriend is a jerk if he is pressuring you into anal sex.

Is he on the big size of things? I would normally advise more lube but if he's big it won't matter too much as it will hurt anyway.

I don't understand this obsession with anal sex, why any guy would rather stick his willy in the arse over the pussy fails me ( and I don't buy the tighter hole excuse ,that's a load of rubbish ) .

So I would say to him that it hurts and you don't like it, if he doesnt accept this reason it shows how much respect he has for you - zero. If he won't budge then give him the heavo , there are plenty of men out there who are more than happy with pussy only sex - most of us in fact.

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A female reader, velvetluv21 United States +, writes (26 February 2008):

You could start by getting yourself more prepared. Talk to him about using lots of lube and starting with fingering, maybe use some thin toys and gradually over time you will see what feels good and it won't be dramatically painful when it comes to his penis. Let him know you are open to doing it more often but that it hurts right now. Also, what positions are you using? If you are on top you can control the situation better and it might not be as bad. I can't say i've ever enjoyed it with someone of normal size but i did have one guy who was very small and over a few weeks it actually became just as enjoyable for me.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (26 February 2008):

DoubleM agony auntIf it is "very painful" for you as you say, and your boyfriend does not care, then you need a new boyfriend, even if that includes none at all for a little while.

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