A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 8yrs and last year when I was getting ready really early for work I noticed my boyfriends phone receiving a message and I glanced at his phone and noticed the message was from me. I was confused because I had not sent him anything. So I went on his phone, opened the message and realized he had sent a picture of my twin sisters fake boobs to himself from my phone. My sister had just gotten her boobs done and she had sent me pics of herself, she was wrapped up with bandages but her nipples were exposed. So I asked my boyfriend why he was sending himself pics of my sister and he said since I am always saying that I want to get bigger boobs he just wanted to see how my sisters came out to see if it would be a good idea for me to get mine bigger. But he swore that he thought my sisters boobs were completely bandaged up and her nipples were not exposed. I broke up with him but he was crushed and would not stop apologizing for what had happened he said he did not think about it being so serious and swore he does not see my sister in any way sexually or prevertedly. I felt he was being sincere so I got back with him its been a few months but I can't deny that I sometimes think about it and I am just really confused and don't know if I will ever get over this. Please let me know what you guys think I really need some advice I don't know what to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your response I greatly appreciate it. You were a lot of help and I am thankful for your thoughts and opinions on this very unfortunate situation I am going through.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2012): I wanted to take a moment to respond to the male anon who posted last. I understand what you're saying, men are always going to fantasize about other women. I've been with enough men to know this, and I accept it. The part of this I think is wrong is the OP's boyfriend took the picture without consent of her sister. That was her photo, and he had no right to just take it. It's one thing to fantasize about her, it's another to steal from her. There are THOUSANDS if not millions of free pictures on the internet he could have looked at if he needed visual stimulation. I disagree with you on the other part of your post, saying there is a 50/50 chance, and this is why. If he was telling the truth, he would have asked either his girlfriend or her sister permission for the photo BEFORE sending it to himself. I'm sure her sister would have understood if he said he just wanted to see if the implants would look good on his girlfriend, especially since she already mentioned many times before that she wanted them. That said, I don't think it was worth breaking up over. If it were me, I would be irritated at him for taking it without my sister's permission. And out of respect for her, I would make him delete it. That would be the end of it, and I would move on. I would never try to tell him who he can and can't think about, because that would solve nothing. I agree with the female anon who said any woman who has an attractive sister has to be able to accept the fact that her boyfriend is probably going to fantasize about her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): I am the one posted an answer as anon earlier.Quoting from what you said, Ms Stayc63088: "There's plenty we don't understand."That is exactly why I would give a 50-50 chance to OP's BF telling the truth. We can't be 100% sure about his motives. Also there is a difference between what happened here and what your ex did in the living room. Your ex could not have done it in any other way when he wanted the thrill of getting caught (as I understand it). If he had done it in the bathroom it would not have been an issue in the first place. But here, if the OP's boyfriend really thought he wanted to do something perverted, he could have done it without getting caught. And he didn't come up with that excuse. I am making that excuse on his behalf. There is a difference.Moreover, she has taken him back and she gets confused at times about the past. It is natural for us humans to have these worries. To my understanding, it looks like she only needs an assurance from other people to get over what happened. But the agony aunts are being too harsh on the guy. Breaking up an eight year long relationship over a silly offense like that is not really warranted. This is surely a "high standard". It is not like the guy tried to do something sexual with her sister. This is only a "thought crime". If you think you can police the thoughts of your guy and stop him from thinking about your sister or any other woman, good luck to you. There will be only a minority of guys out there who would be up to your standard. If every woman wants such a guy, I would say most of them would either get a guy good at not being caught or spend the rest of their lives breaking up with their guys. If you don't think this is true, you are just in denial.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (4 September 2012):
 I'm sorry but I feel the need to discount what anon just said. First of all, if he wanted to really see the job and how it would affect you then he would've talked to you or asked to see the picture. He sent it to his phone without a word to you. He could've also just looked at your phone. He sent it to his so he can hold into it. Maybe anon can't understand why a man would want some bandaged up boobs but that means nothing. There's plenty we don't understand. He liked to see your sister's nipples through the bandages and saved the photo to his phone. No excuse or way around that, he could've seen it without doing this.
Second point. Yes he can be so dumb as to have sent it from your phone. And this is the typical line a liar will say, "do you really think I'd be dumb enough to do that?" and you then believe them because it is so dumb. Well people make mistakes and don't think all the way through. That's why these things happen. My sister caught my ex masturbating in the living room. When I asked if that happened he said the same damn lie, "why would I be dumb enough to jerk off when your sister is down the hall?" well I believed him, because it was stupid, but later found out he was definitely lying.
He is devastated you broke up with him because he still wants to be with you. I don't think he cried because he was caught, I think he loves you and doesn't want you to leave him. Doesn't mean he didn't want to save a picture of your sister's boobs.
And lastly you definitely shouldn't have to put up with this. I decided to respond to anons post after reading where he said that you won't find someone with your high standards. That is a joke. You don't want to be lied to or have a pervert bf save pictures of your sister on his phone. That isnt high standards. That is pretty much an expectation from a relationship. There wasn't anyone else posting from your bf's side because he is lying and wrong. You cannot explain away saving the picture to his phone, there was no reason to do that. Again sorry for what you are going through. But don't believe you are being ridiculous or have high standards or you won't ever meet anyone because you can't tolerate this. Any woman with self respect wouldn't.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): All the replies here so far that I have read have stated that he must be lying. So let me give you an alternative point of view. Not just to give another possible point of view, but because that is what occurred to me when I read your story and I was surprised that not even one person gave such a reply. I would give a 50-50 chance that your boyfriend is telling you the truth.
Firstly, if your boyfriend is anything like me, he won't find anything sexual about someone wrapped up in bandages. For me, such a thing would be a big turn off. He could have wanted to see if he really wants to see you go through such a procedure.
Secondly, for me, how casually he proceeded with sending it to his phone also speaks in his favor. If I would be intending to do something sneaky, I will make sure I won't be caught so easily like a dumb fool.
The way he was devastated also doesn't need to mean he didn't expect to be caught and dumped. It could as well mean that he never thought you would take this so bad and go to such extreme of dumping him.
On a side note, if he is really lying and you think this is a deal breaker, I think you might have a hard time finding a good guy. You might find a guy who is good at not being caught, but I am skeptical that there are many who would live up to your high standards truly.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (3 September 2012):
Ciar and Grymsoul said it perfectly so I wont rehash that. What I will say is that I couldn't forgive it. The only way to live with it is to convince yourself of this lie. Easier said than done. The fact is that he wanted to keep a picture of your sister's boobs. It's that simple. The other posters explained how it could be nothing other than this and they are right. I think you were right to dump him and I almost cheered when you said you had. Then it was hard to hear you went back. It's up to you but I couldn't get past such deceit and sleaze. There too many words for how wrong this is.
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 September 2012):
 What a lying sleaze bag.
I wouldn't trust him any further then I could throw him.
Stop talking to him. You are starting to doubt yourself and starting to believe him, I think that is a mistake.
He is sorry he got caught. Not sorry for doing what he did.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2012): This guy is full of it. If you hadn't discovered the picture on his phone, he never would have told you about it. His reason for doing it had nothing to do with you, and EVERYTHING to do with him wanting to fantasize about your sister. Don't be with this guy. It's obvious the reason this is still bothering you is because deep down, you know he's lying, but you don't want it to be true. I mean, what woman wants to think about her boyfriend/husband fantasizing about her SISTER? And if you want more proof he's lying, think about this: What man in his right mind is going to admit to his girlfriend/wife he likes to fantasize about her sister? I've also heard this is a common fantasy among men. If you're a woman with an attractive sister, you can pretty much figure your man will fantasize about her at least once. But they never admit it. Nope, I'm with Ciar. I don't but it, and neither do you.
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A
male
reader, grymsoul +, writes (3 September 2012):
 So...He wanted to examine her boobs to see if they would be right for you, even though he swears he thought they were completely covered up. -_- What exactly could he examine if the product itself isn't in veiw?It's like saying I liked his new haircut even though he was wearing a hat the entire time. Also, why send it to his phone? He had plenty of time to examine them when he was in your phone. My guess is that he wanted to relive the image sexually or show it off to someone else. Also I call BS on him not noticing the nipple. ANY AND EVERY guy will tell you that when a woman's breast is in view, the very first thing we notice or look to find are nipple imprints on shirts. It is very unlikely that he never noticed a nipple shot.It really sounds to me that he never accounted for the fact that you might find out about it. He came up with a fast, lame lie in order to throw you off his tracks. If he really wanted to "examine" your sister's new boob job for you, then he would have done it WITH YOU. Not behind your back. You're actually quite a sucker for believing he was sincere about his lie. It's ok to fall in love but to blindly accept lies. Oh man, you're in for a real heartache if you can so easily be fooled. Wait until he starts to cheat. I'm actually interested to hear how he'll try to get out of that one.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (3 September 2012):
Yep, I agree. Your boyfriend's "explanation" is complete BS and not only an invasion of privacy but weird and perverted! You should be insulted that he thinks you're so stupid to believe his dumb story. If it were that simple, he would just ask you if he could see and "evaluate." He knows it was wrong, he got caught, end of story. Do what you want with him, but he sounds like a twit.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 September 2012):
 I don't blame you for breaking up with him, I would have done the same too. Look he's obviously lying and its not even a fool proof lie, its incredibly lame to say that he wanted to see how YOU would look with bigger boobs! And if he thought that your sister's boobs were completely bandaged up, then how the hell would he know what her bigger boobs would like and how would he visualize you with them? He's lying and he's just saying all this crap to save face.
Moreover, what the hell was he doing going through your phone in the first place? That's invasion of privacy and its really creepy and sick that he thinks of your sister this way.
All I can say is that if you're unable to get over this still after this long, then chances are that you never will. There's no point carrying on the relationship in this way, where you keep pondering over this time and again.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (3 September 2012):
 I don't buy his explanation. He didn't just look at the picture. He sent himself a copy. And he certainly knew what he was sending himself because presumably he had to have looked before forwarding it, correct?And if your sister's breasts were covered in bandages and only her nipples exposed, what information did he think he was going to gleen from that? He wants you to believe he was prepared to make a recommendation about a medical procedure based on nipples and bandages??Surely your boyfriend has seen fake boobs before. He really needed a picture of your sister's?Let's put the proverbial shoe on the other foot. Let's say your boyfriend's brother had a medical procedure performed on his genitals and sent your boyfriend a picture. Would you have gone into his phone, snuck a peek at it and then sent yourself a copy? Would you expect people to believe that you only wanted to see what it looked like so you could advise for or against your boyfriend having the same procedure?Does your sister know what he did? Is she ok with that? It was a bit reckless of her to send it to you, but what's done is done. It was still meant for your eyes only. Nope. Not buying it.
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