A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:our relationship has been weird since the beginning .we were friends for like a month.but true all the month he kept pointing out that he liked me then he disappeared for like two weeks .and when he came back after a week we became boyfriend and girlfriend for three months i had a big crush for him at begining then it turned to a big love that was coming from the two of us .he was so kind and so sweet and forgiven to all of my mistakes i gotta admit i treated him like shit and i took advantage of his love then he started having problems with drugs and that's when my world turned upside down and i realised that i love him so much. we started losing contact when he was quitting drugs then suddnely he quit school. We're in college by the way . we met and he said that he wants to be religious and the only way that we can be together is by marriage i laughed and thought that he is making up a lie to get away easily . so i told him good bye and everything was ok but after only 2 days i lost it . then every day i loved him more when i found out that he wasn't lying and that he also lost contact with his body. he just isolated himself from the whole world except me. he answered only my calls and we chatted on facebook a lot until i noticed that he was uncomfortable and thats when i stopped talking to him. Tho it hurt a lot and after a month of not contacting him he showed up at school and kinda asked me for lunch i said i just had lunch he said ok and left but i was only doing it for him because he seemed confused and like he is only doing it for me .Again only a week i sent him a long message telling him why i lost contact with him and that i did it for him the next day he showed at school early morning I gotta say that he became soooooooo religious and stopped talking to the other girls. only talked to me. Things changed. we didnt speak love words any more but we studied together every day for like 8hours .and all he does is talk about the past do you remember this do you remember taht like some sweet moments we had together he even let me delete all of the girl from his phone .the probleme is when we are together we are perfect couple actually amazing but once he gets away things just changes he would stop answering his phone and messages .he even didnt show up for the exams after all those hours of studying its like he misses me and loves me but at the same time he is trying his best to stay away from me he just cant do it to me in the face .any way after he disappeared again he kept texing and he said that he will change school and we talked in facebook about me changing school, as well he suggested in our last convrsation he said that he would send me some photos and some stuff .the next day i said hello on face book he didnt answer then he just took the his whole account frome face book and made a new one that got only a few boys . i was so mad and texeted him saying your a big liar why do you keep showing up why do you keep playing me and giving me hope then take it again why dont you tell me in the face to ^^^k off he didnt answer like always he never answer when im mad and at the evning he put back the account and started showing up online but i said hello and he didnt answer .i love him but he is driving me crazy and he is sooo confused and when i decide to just stay away from him he would find ways to contact me . and when i confront him in the face we would just stay quiet or find ways to change the subject and the only words that hes got on his mouth is marriage we are too yong im 18 and he is 19 we can not get married he used to say we will when he finishes school but if he wants to marry me why would he lose contact with me? why would he keep getting all hot n cold with me why would he call and then stop he got me all confuse if i call its a problem if i dont its a huge problem .the problem is i love him too much and i just cant stay away from him especially with showing up all the time and showing me that he loves me as well .
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionafter only a month we got intouch again i found a summer job just to get myself busy things were okey just small conversations on the phone he said that he will go back to school again we were happy and that he is glad that he didn't leave to an other country .after only a week we talked on the phone he sounded like he was about to cry when i asked why he is upset he said that he is leaving to an other city .i was so happy for him cause that's what he always wanted .i loved my work i couldn't wait to go back to school i was happy and the tought of him going away was okey with me until it was only two days left before he would go away we talked on the phone i asked to see him at 5 when i finish working he didn't say no but he was hesitated so i just told him goodbye and i meant it for good .until i got of work at 6 i just stayed with my friends for extra time and i saw him so engry he looked so frustrated getting a cap in front of the place i work in .i never saw him like that i just stood there frozing happy telling myself that he loves me i din't see him for like 4 month and he came.but still i didn't stop him i just run away .after that i sent him message wishing him good luck in his new life he din't answer .after that i just loved him more i cryed every day after two weeks i called him many times he didn't answer now until this day i cry and it's only getting worse .i stopped calling right away but im dying to hear anything from him but he just cut me out of his life and its killing me every day if we only stayed friends if i could only hear anything from i don't wanna be his girlfriend but at the same time i can't bear the tought of me not having any place in his life
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionafter only a month we got intouch again i found a summer job just to get myself busy things were okey just small conversations on the phone he said that he will go back to school again we were happy and that he is glad that he didn't leave to an other country .after only a week we talked on the phone he sounded like he was about to cry when i asked why he is upset he said that he is leaving to an other city .i was so happy for him cause that's what he always wanted .i loved my work i couldn't wait to go back to school i was happy and the tought of him going away was okey with me until it was only two days left before he would go away we talked on the phone i asked to see him at 5 when i finish working he didn't say no but he was hesitated so i just told him goodbye and i meant it for good .until i got of work at 6 i just stayed with my friends for extra time and i saw him so engry he looked so frustrated getting a cap in front of the place i work in .i never saw him like that i just stood there frozing happy telling myself that he loves me i din't see him for like 4 month and he came.but still i didn't stop him i just run away .after that i sent him message wishing him good luck in his new life he din't answer .after that i just loved him more i cryed every day after two weeks i called him many times he didn't answer now until this day i cry and it's only getting worse .i stopped calling right away but im dying to hear anything from him but he just cut me out of his life and its killing me every day if we only stayed friends if i could only hear anything from i don't wanna be his girlfriend but at the same time i can't bear the tought of me not having any place in his life
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (16 June 2012):
 You are not stupid at all. Do not even think that. You were special to him and he was special to you for a certain period in your lives. That is still and always will be a beautiful memory.
And more beautiful memories will occur in the future.
You will go through a little period of grief.
A good way to work through that grief and come out stronger is to have a little project.
It can be a project that lasts for 3 months, 6 months or even a little longer depending on how you are feeling. The project can be something you concentrate on learning, or doing. It can be joining a group, getting fit in a specific way.
It can be making something that you can keep as something lasting as something where you achieved something with your own handiwork
I have used this technique and felt much better each time.
It takes your mind off the matter that is causing you pain, It is a way of creating order out of disorder.
It is a way of creating something you can admire in the future. Something that means something to you.
The project you choose can be one that allows you to suit your skills or achieve an aim that is dear to your heart.
My best wishes to you
Regards
Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni dont know why i feel so stupid right now i guess may be because he was myfirst love gosh im glad its over
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 June 2012):
I think he may want to concentrate on his studies at the moment. Though he may also be wishing to detach from you a little. If he means an inordinate and significant amount of emotional investment to you then that tells me that you need to develop some additional interests - and Maybe some hobbies. Or even some volunteer activities. Or some sport or physical things like cycling or swimming or long walks.
And perhaps join a local community group so that you can widen your own circle of friends so that he remains a good memory but not a fixation with him. You are OK at the moment, but if it looks like becoming a fixation then start developing a wider group of friends and more diverse interests than now. The latter will also help improve your self esteem. And make you more discerning when it comes to choosing guys.
Also do NOT go for guys who need rescuing. Leave that to the Para-medics
You have better things to do with your time
Best wishes
Abella
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe quit drogs and he is just fine now and he decided to change school it looks like he got his life together he said it himself he knows what he wants know and he is happy. but when it comes to me he is still confused. he answers my messages when i need some advice .it looks like he really cares for me but at the same time he doesnt wanna be with im so sick of this realtion ship and its afacting my life alot thats why i decided to let go atleast for now but i am so afraid that he will forget about me . or that he wont contact me especially that when he had problems he got used to me contacting him all the time.it hurts alot i with him all the way and now he just pushing me away
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 June 2012):
what is best for you, and your future and ensuring that you are safe and comfortable with the situation, is important.
You are letting him know your boundaries. Respect
If he needs medical assistance he will have to make the first move. or perhaps he can be encouraged to see the Doctor?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni decided to stay away cause when ever i get closer he pushes me away
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 June 2012):
i think he is a sweet boy but that he is not well. He may be scared to tell you how not well. Some people, (in error), self medicate with illicit drugs, when they start to feel unwell. In the hope that the drugs will fix the problem and address their depression or their disordered thoughts.
If he is ill, as I surmise he may be, then he may be scared and ashamed to tell you. As, to him, it may mean that you will reject him. Or that others will make it worse and label and tease him.
Not turning up for exams even after studying tells me there is a problem.
He is looking for answers when the most effective answer would be professional medical support.
Sadly some parents are in denial when a child faces illness like this. They blame all the wrong things when all this sweet boy needs is Non-judgemental caring listening and support. Plus proper medical support.
He may be scared. He needs empathy and encouragement.
Have you met his parents? Are they supportive towards him? Or cold? As if there is no problem?
Clearly there is a problem or he would not be behaving in this disordered way.
He saw something very good in you. If you can suppport him then good. If you cannot then that is understandable.
But let him know if you care. Tell him of your willingness to be a listening post, if he wants to talk to you as a friend.
Let him know that you feel too young to marry, but that you are still there as his friend.
And suggest, if you feel comfortable, that a checkup with the doctor is a great idea.
If he utterly freaks out at this suggestion then I would surmise that so far any treatment he has received has been unsatisfactory.
Whereas if he advises you that he already sees a doctor regularly then fingers crossed that it is a goood doctor who can discover what is causing his confused self ay the moment.
Best wishes with this tough problem
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