A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys, I have been living in a foreign country for two years with my wife and plan to return to our home country soon. Yesterday, my ex surprised me with a call asking me to buy her some jewellery but made it very clear she would pay for it. I felt very un-comfortable and never gave her a clear answer as I don't know how my wife may take such info if I broke the news to her. I need your advice on this please. Should I buy the jewellery or should I not??? If I am to buy, should I tell my wife first or should ask for my wife's approval first?Many thanks in advance.
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female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (21 June 2011):
 HI
I think ( I hope lol ) I can speak for everyone and say you are very welcome .
And im glad you have decided NOT to buy, as I agree with sexlessinhuek she could say you brought it for her and stir up so much more.
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys, thanks for taking your time to offer all this amazing advice. Would just like to clarify that my ex called me for the first time since 2005 and she sounded genuine. It was a real shock to hear from her and I have no slightest feelings for her as I love my wife so much. But will try to find a way of telling my wife about this phone call and have decided not to buy the jewellery. It was not very expensive but just don't wanna be misunderstood. Many thanks for the great advice, I love this forum to bits! Thanks cupid.
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (20 June 2011):
If it's not a big deal then presumably your wife wouldn't have a problem with it? It's your wife you need to ask, not us really. If you feel that you can't tell/ask your wife then I would suggest that indicates underlying issues implying that buying the jewellery isn't a good idea.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 I agree it sounds harmless... BUT you must discuss it with your wife posthaste.
I know if i was friendly with an EX who could get me something and save me money I'd go for it with no thought of getting back with the ex.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (20 June 2011):
 No.
Enough Said.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 You should tell your wife that she asked. And you should recieve the money for said jewelry before you buy. You should also have the specifics of what jewelry she wants. If you feel uncomfortable about it, just tell her it will be difficult to get around to buy it for her, and that you're sorry but you're not going to do it.
You don't need permission from your wife to do this if you buy her jewelry. Just be open and honest about it, or else she might get the wrong idea. But again, you don't just go buy random jewelry, this woman must be specific about what she wants and also send you the money for it beforehand (unless she's asking for something cheap, if she wants expensive things you shouldn't be expected to foot the bill, and your wife wouldn't like it either as your money is her money as well).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2011): No way!!! She should buy it herself
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Tell your wife the truth. How does your ex have your contact number anyway? Tell your wife whatever your ex asked you for,and tell her that you are not comfortable doing anything of the sort.
You dont owe anything to your ex, she should know better than to ask you for a favour. If she asks,just tell her you couldnt get the jewellery because you didnt think it was appropriate. Instead of beating around the bush, be clear, so that this doesnt happen again.. Look, it can start with this now, she might do it again, and then it will be hard for you to wriggle out, because you would have already done it once.
She is an ex, you dont have to do anything that will in any way jeopardize your present. There is no need to buy the jewellery, but tell your wife everything.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Wouldn't even entertain the thought, ignore it and carry on with life.
If you do decide to help her, as sexlessintheuk mentioned, she could tell people it's a gift which would create all sorts of problems for yourself!
Maybe she's using this as a way to get back into contact with you? Steer clear my friend.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (20 June 2011):
 Tell your wife that you have had this phone call from your ex and the whole thing has made you feel very uncomfortable. Your wife will be pleased you have told her before anything else has happened, I dont think she can be upset or annoyed that you have come to her straight away. Only thing she might be upset by is that your ex is still calling you, and knows that you are abroad (you obviously keep in touch as she knows where you are). Have you told your wife you keep in touch with your ex? Or will this be new to her?
If your wife knows about your ex and knows you keep in touch - then just tell her right away about the phone call. If your wife does not know about your ex and you think she might get upset - then just tell your ex no you cant buy the jewellery and you want her to stop contacting you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (20 June 2011):
 yeah ask your wife shes your partner and should be your second counsel right after God. lol i dont think you should buy your ex anything its a global economy she can get the same imporetd jewelry at wallmart imported straight from jersey made in china.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (20 June 2011):
HI
I would tell your wife asap, as keeping this a secret could cause big rows. And if you have a strong marriage and she dont feel threatend by this then I cant see a big deal in this, as long as your EX will pay you the money for it? However why is your ex phoning you now you are married to someone else? do have children with her? even so I dont think she should be asking you for this, she should have moved on by now, let her get some other man to buy her jewellery, instead of putting you in this awkward situation. xx
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