A
female
age
41-50,
*upid lover
writes:Do you think some people are better off not in relationships and instead dedicating their life to other things?The reason that I ask this question is because of men. I am beginning to think that my life may be better if I don't have relationships anymore.Every relationship I has had has affected me in bad ways. I am super sensitive and NOT the kind of person that becomes stronger when bad things happen. I think there are many things about me that causes this to happen.Men find me attractive and I can see now that I have been used up a lot in the past by men either to feed their egos or to be used as a trophy. I still find it hard to believe how they could have said they were in love with me and then drop me like a hot potato......and I thought it was real- IDIOT! Secondly, I was a single child for a long time and clearly remember hating boys to the point where I would not talk to them or go anywhere near them and in fact I was terrified of them. The first time I kissed a boy was because everyone else was doing it and "that's just what people do". I didn't actually want to and it was the worst experience of my life up to that point.When I look back at the experiences that I have had with my ex-boyfriends, none of them would make it to my top ten favourite memories. In fact, I think that men have invited nothing but ^^^^^it and trouble. Of course there have been good times but nothing that felt really genuine or in tune with who I am deep down. My first boyfriend was in high school- he cheated on me with my friends and numerous other people.My second really loved me (I think) but cheated on me.My third was an alcoholic who probably cheated on me (I'm not sure) and since we broke up he has told people things about me that are very private.My fourth boyfriend went overseas. We broke up while he was there and he came back with a pregnant wife 4 months later. Then my latest bf and I broke up a year ago. We were dating for 6 months and it was amazing. The day after my birthday he disappeared out of my life for good. No replies to my texts or calls.....nothing. Just gone.I feel used up and exhausted.At the end of it all, what do you get out of these relationships? Yes, you learn a bit about yourself and there are highs but in my opinion this doesn't come close to compensating the feelings of abandonment, pain, frustration or fear. It really doesn't seem worth it to me.I look at people around me who are "happily" married but I don't really believe in most of their relationships either. I think that in 10 years half of them will be divorced and they will be stuck with kids to look after and a lack-lustre career because they haven't had time to pursue it properly.The lives of married people with children mostly seem hellish to me. No sleep, cranky husbands, money worries, lack of self-identity or self-worth. Is this what they dreamed of as a child? I doubt it.I really think that most people have kids and get married because everyone else is doing it.I often think of myself as a child and then think about the way that I was treated by the men that I have dated as well as other people and I am ashamed that I let that happen to her/me. I'm devastated that my life is this way. I don't trust anyone anymore-especially men.I am travelling at the moment and have been meeting some men and it is the same story. They all just want sex and assume that I am up for it. The way that they approach me and the way that they talk about sex is not only disgusting but offensive and makes me feel insecure around them.I have not had sex in 9 months and am not interested at all. I don't want to deal with this bullshit!I am truly miserable today and I am sorry for the rant but it seems as though I have reached a point where I am just OVER it.If I could go back I would never have sex or be in relationships at all.
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alcoholic, broke up, cheated on me, divorce, insecure, money, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 October 2013):
 Don't feel bad about not conforming to what society expects. It's like you are trying to see if there are people who feel there is something wrong with society, so you don't have to feel pressured to act "normal." The answer is yes, you are not alone. Focus on what makes you happy. Some of the single good men are also wondering where the good woman is. Life is all fair. It's the battle of the sexes. Men and women exploit each other for sex or money. It seems that men are either players, jerks, or insecure wimpy guys with retroactive jealousy. Others are the walking wounded from past relationships. It's the balanced men who are hard to find. They are probably married and working hard to make sure their relationship is worth it.
A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (19 October 2013):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI didn't like men when I was little except for my dad.
I just didn't like little boys. They scared me and were dirty and too rough.
When I reached teen years however, I did a 180 and became boy crazy. I don't think this was a good thing for me though because all I can really remember from having men in my life is a lot of disappointment and depression. I also ALWAYs felt that I wasn't being true to myself and had to lower myself to their level. I believe there are good men out there but wherever they are I haven't been!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 October 2013):
I don't understand why you never liked men, even before you started relationships with them. My belief is that you have to like men first, then you can have good relationships. I have bad memories with men, but I still believe there are good men who are likable. I choose to be single, but I can still feel happy for other people having good relationships.
There is nothing wrong with being single. It's natural for men to check pretty women out. When men make sexist jokes I just laugh it away and not let them bother me. Life is too short to let the entire species upset you.
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A
female
reader, cupid lover +, writes (19 October 2013):
cupid lover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for answering janniepeg but I don't think you understand my predicament at all. No I am not attracted to women. And I'm glad that you are happy with your experience of being used up by men to help shape who you are today but as I stated I don't benefit from being treated that way. I'm too sensitive for that.
You don't understand but thanks for taking out the time.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (19 October 2013):
You are going to get answers such as, no, my man is decent and has been with me for 10 years. We have good communication and we still find a spark. Maybe you are looking for wrong people at the wrong place.
However if you are looking for people who agree with what you say, you will find them. You are right in some ways. I know that you know there are good men out there but for some reason you are either not interested in them, or as you say, good men live in a rut and sexy bad boys are players who use women.
I myself have no regrets of dating people who used me because the experience made me who I am. This is not only a cliché but I feel we are put into the world to learn about human relationships, and there are good that came out of it. I had my fun although it didn't last long. Maybe the difference between you and me is that I have a child and he gives me a purpose.
You have broken up for a year and took up travelling. What triggered that anger was the way men were talking to you.
I also don't understand why you hate boys since childhood. Being the single child doesn't mean you hate the opposite sex. Do you have feelings for women? To be in a relationship with a man you need to like men. When men sense that you don't like them anyway they won't date you but instead see what else you could offer. Maybe you thought you had to be in a relationship with a man because we are all supposed to be heterosexual?
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