A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have just started working in a new role and have found my boss's behaviour odd. He has asked me whether I am serious with boyfriend, if the relationship is flexible and can be moved around for work, how old my boyfriend is, if my boyfriend is jealous and if we eat breakfast in bed together. The other day my security pass broke and he offered to fix it for me but started adjusting and smoothing my collar and then yanked me towards him using the badge. Is this normal behaviour and just him trying to be chummy or is he coming on to me? I think he checks me out as he frequently looks me up and down slowly and keeps looking at my legs but guess I could have got it wrong? His behaviour makes me feel uncomfortable but maybe i am being oversensitive?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2015): Thanks everyone for your help, I'm going to log all incidents & very politely make it clear that I don't like being touched & that my private life is private.
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (14 October 2015):
 Sounds at a minimum like a hostile work environment. You should NEVER feel uncompfortable with the actions from another employee(boss or not). Here in the states we have the E.E.O.C.(equal employment oportunity commision) to deal with such matters but I suspect you are no from the states (as by your spelling of behavior is more British than our somewhat lazy version of english). In either country though or any country, there should be some agency or authority you can taake your complaint to to have something done. Otherwise, punch his lights out and quit.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2015): find any workers union that you can and join immediately.I think the questions are totally out of order but once you have a union membership and number you can discuss it with them using the contact number they give you.You will get sound advice and support and this bloke will back off as soon as he knows you belong to a union.He is just taking advantage of your naivity and seeing how far he can push you.I also think its extremely bad manners to pull you by your id chain.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (14 October 2015):
 Should it happen again and it sounds like it will, simply let him know that you pride yourself on professionally integrity and prefer to keep your private life out of the office. Ignore his leering eyes, he'll hopefully get bored of trying to get your attention. Start taking times,dates and comments in case you need it for future reference. If he does things in front of people make it known that just how uncomfortable it makes you when he does it. I don't think polite and friendly are the same thing. Polite you are obliged, friends you are not.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir +, writes (14 October 2015):
 Hi,
i personally think, that this is a form of sexual harrassment and you must make it very clear to your boss, that you won't be questioned and approached in such a way.
I have had this happen to me a number of times, when i was in my 20s and 30s too and it is no laughing matter.
Even now, i still have to deal with a few nuisances at work, but i always make myself clear and i remain completely professional, whilst i'm on duty.
You are obviously concerned about his behaviour and rightly so, as he is making small advances toward you, which could become bigger, if you don't stand up for yourself as soon as possible.
He may be doing these things, just to see what your reaction is.
If you don't show displeasure, this makes him think that he can continue, with this un-called for behaviour.
Don't be afraid of your boss, even if it got to the stage whereby, he threatened to sack you.
Let him try, because in the end, you will have won and he will have learnt a big lesson.
Not to mess around with young female employees.
Also, you will have to report him, to the HR Dept, if things get more nasty.
The reality is, do you really want to continue working for such a boss, if he really does turn out to be a bad seed?
You are a new employee there and already, he is starting to make you feel uncomfortable.
His true colours are starting to surface and you must keep your eyes open.
You could always gain employment within a better industry, if this one doesn't turn out as you'd expected.
Having said all this, if he's doing this to you, he will continue to do this to new young female employees, so you really should put a stop to it now and save any other innocent person, from having to deal with this garbage.
Who knows, maybe that's what he did, to previous young female employees.
I wish you all the best and let me know how you go. :-)
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A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (14 October 2015):
 I agree that if you lose your cool and are too openly hostile with him, he can give you the boot- he doesn't even have to give a proper reason, he can make any crap up- in the UK, there's practically nothing you can do against an employer if they boot you within the three months ( unless it's discrimination/ harassment)I've been in jobs where My managers have been VERY unprofessional- bullies, sexually inappropriate and more... One manger even came up to me while I was working and started picking a fight with me! The most important thing I learnt you can do is to write EVERYTHING down, ncluding dates, times, EXACTLY what happened.... Be careful about blabbing to colleagues cos unfortunately they WONT back you up (they stick together to save themselves, trust me everyone learns this eventually) and gossip can get back to him... Then send it to HR, when you've got enough... Like someone else said, do dodge his lunges for you (lol) and freeze your body language, try and avoid him, but keep your cool!Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2015): When ever he approaches, freeze with your arms to your sides and step back one step. Standing at attention. This is body-language that is suggesting not to touch or come too close. If he steps forward or reaches for you, step back once more. He'll get the message.
If he asks you questions about your boyfriend; simply suggest that you prefer not to discuss your personal-life. You try to have a very healthy and happy relationship everyone; as long as you're not made to feel uncomfortable. That is indirect, but it also sends him a message.
If he is an aggressive flirt, then take it to Human Resources. It's not likely you'll keep the job if you don't accept his advances anyway. Always step away when he reaches for you, never allow contact. Dodge every single touch. Always pull away. You have to let him know firmly you do not wish to be touched; but respect his position of authority.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (13 October 2015):
 Sorry to keep adding to this, I'm in the middle of making our evening meal and keep thinking of new things to ask. :)
Does your workplace have an employee handbook? If so, read it.
Does your workplace have a human resources department? If so, call them and make an appointment. Go in and ask some hypothetical questions. "I'm trying to understand this. If someone I work with did/said/asked such-and-such, is that a problem?"
Get educated, get your ducks all lined up and work from a position of knowledge, not of fear and intimidation. Which is where this very weird boss is trying to put you. :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 October 2015):
I would also practice the icy cold glare. Which you give to him when he asks such a ridiculous and inappropriate question.
"If you are asking me if my hours are flexible, the answer is ....... (fill in your information here). If you asking me personal questions about my private life then I have to ask again, why are you asking me these intrusive and unwanted personal questions?"
But you do have to log it all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2015): Make sure to also log any witnesses so they can verify incidents if required.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 October 2015):
I second the idea that you log every single interaction you have with this individual. In a log book, dated and maintained meticulously.
I would parry any personal questions with a response repeating the entire question back to him at least twice. "You are asking me if I am serious with my boyfriend, was that the question you just asked? You asked me if I am serious with my boyfriend. Is that correct?" And then look at him waiting for his response.
Every single time.
"You're asking me if my boyfriend is jealous of my work? Is that correct? You want to know whether my boyfriend is jealous of my work? Or are you asking if my boyfriend is jealous of my working? You'll have to elaborate."
"You just asked if my boyfriend and I eat breakfast in bed together? Is that right? You want to know if my boyfriend and I eat breakfast in bed together? Just to be clear, you are asking personal questions about my private life about my boyfriend and what we do in private? Is that correct?"
Ask these questions of him over and over again and really loudly in the presence of other people.
And log log log it all.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 October 2015):
 You know his behavior is not appropriate, but I think you are in the "stunned" phase right now where you don't exactly know what to do.
As for him to ask if your BF is OK with you and him (the boss) eating breakfast in bed, all you had to say was that is not going to happen so why ask... I get that it can be hard to think of a good comeback when you are still a bit shocked that your boss is a sleazy slimy twat-waffle. But you need to nip this in the bud.
Don't be afraid to tell him he is invading your personal space or that he needs to quit it.
Unfortunately, it's not uncommon behavior for SOME (definitely not all) men of a certain age to think that the new "young thing" in the office is HIS little "play toy". If he sees you getting rattled by it, it will probably escalate.
Get yourself a notebook - write down time/date and whatever ridiculous thing he is doing and IF he tried to paw at you or become verbally or physically without doubt inappropriate, contact HR.
I have seen this a few times, once the girl quit, and once she got "transferred" - usually these slimeballs get away with it - specially if you aren't standing up for yourself.
I'd say keep your distance, be professional, and shot him down if he ties to be "familiar" with you. It might not BE sexual harassment (yet) but it sounds like he has little respect for women or thinks he is "a gift" to all women-folk... *eyeroll*
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2015): Tell him straight or the human recourses team anout how his behaviour makes you feel. This is harassment.
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