A
male
age
51-59,
*arman
writes:Hi there, I just need some adviceI've been with my girlfriend now for nearly 3 years n it's really good, we're both in our early 40,s Before me she was with someone just for sex she said but she got attached to him but he left and lived hundreds of miles away, We met and it was great then a few months into us she started getting texts off her ex as he has kids who live in the area n wanted to sleep with her again when he came back up for a few days They never met but she wanted to as I saw they're texts to each other. Basically they were having phone sex with each other while I was away n I found out, this happened twice what I know but I forgive her both times n took her back. I've now found sexual pictures of them 2 and she's kept them, she's even sent him one of them I know they're still talking to each other but I can't prove it Question is is she still in love with him ? Why is she keeping these photos and is she just using me for the life I can provide for her ? Please help because this is really messing my head up
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male
reader, Darman +, writes (29 January 2013):
Darman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've had so much advice from all of you, and it's another persons point of view that I needed to see what is really happening, She has some major feelings for this guy because she nearly lost me twice for him and she's still carrying on. Then I am only second best and I deserve better than thatI wish to thank you all for making mud clear for me.
A
male
reader, m79521  +, writes (29 January 2013):
Maybe you both need to set down and talk about your relationship and come to understanding what you both want and expect from each other . Only when all the issues are being able to communicate with you will come to your own decision
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 January 2013):
What makes you think she wants anything other than what he does?
Sending naked pictures is just sexual, it doesn't sound like she wants a relationship with him. He's not as stable as you are.
Your current setup works great for her, you take care of her and she does whatever she wants.
It sounds harsh because it is; you'll be much better off when you realize that and leave her.
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A
male
reader, Darman +, writes (28 January 2013):
Darman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your adice,
I have racked my brains but still can't find a reason why she still wants him,
She must still fancy him because of the photos she keeps, and I was due to go away last week for a week or so n she seemed sad that I wasn't going
He comes up here every so often to visit his kids that's when he texts her more, why can't she him for just what he wants out of her ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): It sounds as if her feelings for him havent changed over time. Being caught by you in the early days together should have helped her decide what she really wanted. You or him. But it looks as if she found a way to have both. It might be that you provide the stability and security she needs, while he provides the excitement and fun. 3 years is a long time to invest in someone and if she hasn't fallen for you totally by now and blown this guy out, she never will. She probably keeps the pictures because they mean a lot to her, which won't be surprising as she still seems to have feelings for him. And it gives her something to send him for titillation purposes. If he's usually hundreds of miles away and sex chat gets repetitive, the pictures are probably a tool to keep him sexually interested and a reminder for him of their times together. She's keeping things alive between them. Things might otherwise be good between you but it is a facade, propped up by her emotional affair with this guy. Who knows how different things would be between you if she did not have him running in the background meeting at least some of her needs. And she does need this man. That much is evident. The question is. Do you need her so badly that you are willing to share her and continually forgive her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2013): Hi, I am sorry to hear that this is happening because you obviously love her to have forgiven her before. However in my opinion if she is still in contact with him and sending messages it may only be a matter of time before more happens between them.
Three years may feel alot but are you willing to stay with her not trusting her. Because in the end it is going to eat away at you, and this problem may still be here in another three years down the line.
There is no right answer though and really you need to think about what it is you can accept. I know what it is like to be cheated on and also cheat and I now know that its the lies that eat you up in the end.
Only you know if you can live without the trust. I hope you get the answer you are looking for soon x
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A
male
reader, Darman +, writes (28 January 2013):
Darman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice, she hasn't met him but after the second time they had phone sex I confronted her n she said she would stop all contact but I don't believe she has
And why is she keeping sexual photos of him and her doing things to each other
I know it'll be better in the long run to leave but I really do love her
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (28 January 2013):
You have a few choices here:
Stay and accept this. You forgave her TWICE, so she's aware that she has a free pass now.
Stay and decide you'll have an open relationship. She's doing it anyways so you might as well have some fun too.
Leave and find someone who treat you with respect.
It really is that simple. You'll notice that there is no fourth option: stay and she learns her lesson and severs all contact with him and any other guy in the future. This will not happen as she's proven to you already. Giving someone a second chance is fine. A third or fourth is just you being afraid of being alone.
Break up with her, it's what she deserves, obviously. No matter how much she begs she will not learn her lesson so don't fall for it.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Dayzy  +, writes (28 January 2013):
The only reason it's messing with you head is because you know that you are being a sucker but don't want to know it. Chances are she will want to keep you because her other sleeping partner is only using her too. He's a cheat and a user and so is she. They are messing with each other and with you. Man up and show her hte door.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (28 January 2013):
 no one can really speculate if she's in love with him, but what's obvious is that there's definitely still sexual tension between them and she's definitely crosing the line of what is and is not appropriate. you forgave her once for cheating with him, so one would think she'd be respectful and not talk to this guy. seems like she's choosing him over you, so i would dump her. but that's just me. easier said than done, of course. but i certainly wouldn't put up with that.
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (28 January 2013):
 Women normally cheat for a reason, because they are not completely happy in their current relationship. If you are determined to stay with her you could consider couples counselling - very useful, or try and really work on things in the relationship. Do you really want the same things in life? Do you have a good sex life?
Sounds like the trust between you is gone so you do need to really think about whether you can make this work or whether it is time to call it a day.
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