A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Got into a row with my girlfriend of several months after she canceled on me for the third time in a row, calling a couple of hours before. She said she had things to do. I asked for more details and she said she didnt want to get into it. I got angry then saying it was the bloody third time she'd done this and it was rude. SHe replied, "well, you should know its a girl's right to change her mind! you need to get used to it!"I admit my dating experience is scant and I dont have the confidence to well say exactly what a woman does is normal or not, so Im turning it over to you, aunts. It is true that a woman has the right to change her mind and I should get used to this erratic and irrational behavior where she offers no explanation and doesnt follow thru on committments. Or is this girl just bein downright RUDE?If it truly is a woman's right to change her mind, maybe I should get ready for the old bachelor's home...
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): Nicely done OP. Remember the lessons from this, "you just have to get used to it" is a red flag when it's said in this context about a serious matter. If a woman won't compromise when it comes to your feelings then dump her and don't look back.
"You just have to get used to it" "No I don't, have a nice life"
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (12 June 2011):
 Good for you :)
I hope you find someone a bit more reliable!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2011): Hi, all.
Right, so I am the one who posted the question but I forgot the access code to let me post as the original poster.
Just wanted to thank everyone for the weigh in. Pretty much everyone but one person thought it was rude, as did I. I am glad that even the women here did not agree with her rationale that it's a just a fault of her gender!!
ok, movin on in search of a relaible girl!
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (11 June 2011):
She is being rude, and you deserve so much better.
I don't like standing men up on a date, and if some emergency occurs (and it really has to be serious) then I would call/text/get a message of some kind to him to explain why I wasn't where I should be.
Generally I will even call if I think I might be late, just to make sure that he knows I havn't stood him up. It's called being polite and having manners.
If you agree to go out and do something with someone - anyone, be it a lover, a friend or a family member, then you dont just change your mind. If you dont want to go, then dont agree to it. Simple.
She is just being rude and obviouusly thinks you will just take it - because SHE is the woman and must call all the shots (rather arrogant if you ask me).
Call her bluff.
You can do better than this, you seem like a lovely guy!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): I dump girls who say "get used to it" no compromise, no relationship.I don't have to "get used to" anything, I just find a girl who doesn't play games.OP she's being disrespectful and inconsiderate. It sounds like she got this straight out of a cosmo article. 'how to be treat a guy like crap and make him come back' or something similar.Just don't make any more plans with her OP, until you know for sure she's not going to cancel. Tell her that, if she says she can't guarantee that then that's that really.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 I just had a devilish idea. That's what we devils are for, anyways. Why don't you take her out for dinner, excuse yourself to "use the toilet", and change your mind about paying the bill?
Now, if you say that the little devil made you do it, I will deny it. I'm the Devil, right?
As to changing your mind: I don't think it means "stand someone up".
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2011): Yeah, she's got that right, and so do you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (11 June 2011):
 I am a sort of fundamentalist of etiquette in these cases, I don't even admit that a woman ( or a man ) has the right to change her/his mind. An appointment is an appointment, a promise is a promise,a committment is a commitment, and if in lack of a good reason ( work emergency, sudden sickness etc, ) you change your mind two hours before... tough luck, you grin and bear and show up in time.
Next time, take her out for dinner, half way during the meal excuse yourself as if you were going to the toilet, leave discreetly the restaurant and go home. As soon as she calls you furious for having being dumped at the restaurant by herself , tell her firmly that a man has the right to change his mind, you just did not feel like eating out anymore.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 It's rude. If you have a legitimate reason for canceling, then it is fine. But to not even give a reason, and canceling last minute, is rude.
But, if it's happened three times in what you call "several months" then you be the judge: is this a habit of hers or just a random thing that happens now and then?
Tell her that canceling just a few hours in advance without any explanation is rude. Especially you, her boyfriend, deserves to know why he is being stood up.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Fair? yes i agree there are two sides and his girlfriend's side is wrong.His girlfriend should think of his feelings when it comes to compassion. It's quite clear she is thinking of herself.Even if she has problems you don't make another person suffer. I think this guy is the one that needs compassion and he aint getting it from his partner, let down 3 times on the trot with no explanation other than it's her business. What if: he payed for a special suprise in advance, or what if: he declined an invitation from 'his family' to be with her, or what if: he turned overtime down at work to spend time with her, what if: his self worth is low because of her rejection. He deserves the compassion not the other way round. The man deserves an explanation at the very least not a pathetic excuse and a future THREAT of 'get used to it'. I would say to her three strikes and your out!!!!!!!!! spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 This is a personal pet peeve of mine and ranks right up there with always showing up late. (Both habits are nasty signs of a control freak!)
I agree that gender has nothing to do with it. RESPECTFUL people change plans with a good reason.
You are too young for a Bachelor's Home and too nice for your own good:)
I devilishly want to reccommend you give her a taste of her own medicine. Make plans you KNOW she can not resist then cancel in a similiar way. Let her know that "Something suddenly came up"! Maybe she would get the message.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): I beg to differ for the sake of making sure this is being looked at fairly. It is perhaps a bit too soon to judge.
Youy never know she could be struggling with a number of things un-related to you such as feelings about self worth, or something else like a hard time at work or with her family.
Try and have some compassion for a while and if she keeps doing it there's your answer:)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): hi
Every man/woman has a right to change their mind but three times on the trot is a bad attitude and even more insulting with no explanation. She is playing the old game of ladies right's, however she does not know how to be one. Rude and ignorant. In my opinion if you really want to be with someone you will move heaven and earth. i would not put up with this and the feeble excuse, because you know that should you turn the tabels and do the same, i bet you would have your ears chewed off.
spunky monkey
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A
female
reader, bittersweetmemory  +, writes (10 June 2011):
 that's not normal...
i am i girl and everyone has the right to change their mind but what she is doing is plainly rude..
i don't think you should be with her...i don't see why would she cancel without a reason and ever say it's her right to do that..i would get angry too and you have all the rights to be angry...
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (10 June 2011):
Everyone has a right to change his or her mind.
Now, tell me: If YOU were to change your mind about meeting with her, say, two hours before the thing, would that be OK with her?
If you refused to give any explanations, would that make it worse, or would that still be OK?
And then, if you told her that it's your right to change your mind about things, and that she should get used to it, would she still be fine with that?
Of course, for me, these are all rethorical questions. This is just not right. You'd better be alone that with someone who treats you this way. My advice is to leave her.
What can you expect from her if she can "change her mind" about anything in such a rude way?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 June 2011):
 Everyone can change their mind, that shouldn't be gender specific. But to cancel with no good reason 3 times in a row seems more like a snub. And that, would (IMHO) be rude.
What is it that she is canceling? *curiosity and all*
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 June 2011):
Downright rude.
In my opinion you always need a good reason to cancel. To do it three times in a row and offer no reason, then to say "get used to it", in my opinion shows her up as a Drama Queen who thinks far too much of herself.
I won't say dump her outright, but I will say look now at all aspects of your relationship, and make a decision as to whether this woman is actually worth your time. I personally have never bothered with women (or male friends, I might add), who waste my time and are rude about it. That's why I have very good, close friends and a girlfriend I can trust - I got rid of anyone else who was rubbish and unreliable.
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