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male
reader, Invincible  +, writes (17 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHaha so very confused ... Trust me i m loving this site ... U ppl are so caring n talk about everything n i jst love it ... N c there s no point like my parents can disown me or cut contact with me ... Its actually sumthing else may b i m unable to explain but they love me more then i love them obviously n i dont have any kind of feelings that my family can do sumthing like this ... Well wat my plan is to take all of them wid me ... We have different culture and values there is no such thing like cutting off or sumthing... I know it looks very hard but i hav to do...[Mod note: could you please not use text/chat abbreviations? They aren't supposed to be allowed through in the posts, thank you.]
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 You do know that they do not have to listen to you...
if they strongly object to your behavior they can disown you and end contact with you.
better yet, be a man and tell them I'm an adult and I'm doing what I want... then do it... and risk losing them anyway...
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (17 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCindycares :) i know wat r u trying to say and i respect that but do u think that i that i won't tell her anything which actually belongs to her ... She knws everything n wid me in every decision but i dont think so i m goin to leave her after all these 25 years of my life wondering that some would make me feel special ... I know i ll make out sumthin fr both of us
Parents r parents... Eventuslly they hav to listen me ... Its tough bt not imposible :)
Thx anyways
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2012):
I may be a stupid American but at 52 I know that had I lived my life to please my parents I'd be miserable and my mom would still be gone and not having any say any more anyway...
I just think that if you are going to live your life to please your parents you should start now and let her go.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 September 2012):
 I see...ah well, if she is willing to change religion, then it should all be so much easier and much more acceptable for your parents.
But , my concern is ( which is actually not my concern because it's none of my business, agreed :) - does she know that ? Does she know that no way you will marry her without your parents' approval ? and there is a chance you might not get this approval ?... I guess she does, if she's from your country she's figured it all out already - but in case she does not - please be totally honest with her . Don't string her along for maybe years , just for having to dump her eventually in favour of a marriage arranged by your parents, which will leave her vulnerable and much less " marketable " as a possible wife. Let her CHOOSE if she wants to risk that,OK ? Otherwise you'd be nearly as dishonest as the ugly older guy...
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (17 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell cindycares ... There s no option if ma parents arent gonna approve her ... Am a businessman n hav a big network dat almost 90 person work under me n i think i m not that selfish that i leave that network jst because of 1 person fr sake of my own priority .. I knw my issue needs time n little help n even i cant dis respect my parents anyway ... So i hav one way to make them realize that my choice is right ... I believe there is nuthing like impossible ... Its shia sunni ... But i hav almost clear this thing ... My girl change her relation ... So dats not a v big issue :)
I told her about all the things about my beliefs upon God n she agreed n said yes
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (17 September 2012):
Pardon my curiosity, but what religious differences ?.... Like, if you are Muslim and she is not- or viceversa- it won't fly . In Pakistan ?... It's never going to happen.
Slightly better if you are Sunni and she is Shia ( or viceversa ) because in theory it is possible, in practice that is- as you surely know already - a big, big, major deal, that you casually file under " some family differences ". I wish you the best , but I don't think that your pretty gf's pictures will be enogh to convince your parents . Have you thought what will you do if you can't make them change their mind ?...
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (17 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah sure thx
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (17 September 2012):
 Hi
Sounds like you are well on the way and doing everything write to 'connect' with her and her family.
While you also work on your Mother , to get her support.
Just keep doing all these good things and things may start to improve.
I think you are doing everything right so far
Regards
Abella
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (17 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYeah i m trying every possibilityIn fact i met everybody in her house , her sisters like me a lot and even her family likes to hang out with me ... They are nice but there are some religion issues between some family differences ... I told my maa that she is so nice and a gr88888 cook seriouslyI hope she'll find her way some day ... My dad is ok somehow with this
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 September 2012):
hi
Just talk about her and the good things about her to you Mother and see if your mother can slowly start to see the love in your heart about this girl
Slowly slowly work on your mother.
Ask your mother to notice her good points.
Your mother must have some reasons? Ask her gently to tell you 'why not?'
It may take a little time.
And your patience?
And maybe your mother is looking for something more? Character? Kindness?
Try to describe your girl's character to your Mother.
Have you met the family of your girl? Are they nice and respectful to you?
Regards
Abella
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (16 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAbella... I asked my mom to meet her once bit she refused ... I showed her pictures to my mom but mom didnt answer ... Coz she is the pretiest girl i jav ever seen in whole world n i knw that no body can say bad abt her
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (16 September 2012):
i think you have a strong emotional connection to this girl.
And it is OK to ask, and receive as many replies as possible.
All nice replies I hope.
I even came across a question recently with 243 replies.
So keep on asking as much and as often as you need to -that is what this site was set up to do.
Could you introduce the girl to your Mother and see if that helps soften your mother's feelings on this matter?
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (16 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI dont knw actually i use this site usually wen i m at office may b i waz unable to point out the real question ... Here i goShe is gorgeous n love me like hell as i ever wanted .. But wen she told me that wat happened to her .. I waz jst lil disappoimted or may b i waz feelin bad that wat happened to her ... I said i would lv it if waz her first and last love but doesnt matter ... I cannot change past ... My family has some issues with her ... My mom like some other girl for me ... Earlier i get confused that i dont want this mess in family and i ll leave her and marry to girl dat mom like's ... But i m spending so much quality life wid her dat i dont want to spare ... So my last decision is that i want to marry my gf at any cost ... At last i want to make clear that i used virginotu in every question cox i get pissed wen i think abt his ugly ex n how badly she waz treated ... There is no such issue btw me n my gfI lv her more then my life :)
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Good points, there, So Very Conused (SVC), sometimes the question asked hides a deeper question. I guess I want to know if "Invincible" is still looking for a way to end the relationship? Do you want to be with her or do you want to end it and move on to a new relationship?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (16 September 2012):
GUYS.... listen to me... did you all see this:
".. I'm working my mess out with family that i will marry her nobody else ...."
I THINK (and maybe I'm wrong) that the OP is not the one with the issue... that maybe his family is... and maybe he's internalizing it and trying to figure out how to help his family accept his decision but that he doesn't want to admit that he's unable to tell his family to butt out?
maybe he needs help telling the family to mind their own business?
just guessing at that based on the comment he made as quoted above...
sometimes we can't put into words even for ourselves what the REAL problem is and we need to dig deeper and help folks figure out the real issue...
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (16 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI asked this question in good faith.I never expected to receive a couple of answers that were scathing and unkind.Thanks once again to abella n tisha 1U r gorgeous muuuaaawww
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (16 September 2012):
 Look, if you think we have nothing better to do than sit here and argue with someone as immature and insecure as you, then you are sadly mistaken. Keep posting your questions all you want, you're not taking any help from here and you are proving me right by arguing mindlessly.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (16 September 2012):
You can repeat a question 1000 times, if the Mods let you.... but that would mean that you are not paying any attention to all the answers you got the previous 999. Or, that there's no solution to your quandary, at least not one you are willing to consider. So reposting would not be of any help.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): perhaps it might help to quote from tis article, what do u think?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/a-little-humility-goes-a-long-way.html
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (16 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHuh seriously ? Y r u gettin so personel ? I think u need help
I can repeat a question 1000 times
Wats ur prob ?
Of u cant understand some one s feelings cox of ur personel problems plx dont argue
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (16 September 2012):
I'm overreacting? Well I'm not the one repeatedly posting the same thing questioning my partner's virginity. You are. You have had many responses to your questions in the past which you are clearly not satisfied with, which is why you feel the need to question the same issue over and over again. Read your own questions and you will see what I mean. If you still think you're not insecure, good for you. Why keep raking up the issue then?
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A
male
reader, Invincible +, writes (16 September 2012):
Invincible is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell let me explain to you a bit ... I'm not insecure... I never thought like that. I never thought to hurt her or make her remember her past ... What I'm here for is just a general talk ... I'm not a virgin either... I've had many girl friends...But maybe i feel bad because my princess got deceived by almost 10 years older old ugly b***d My gf was 17 at that time ... I love her more than i can explain ... I'm working my mess out with family that i will marry her nobody else .... So anonymous 123 you maybe over-reacting ... I just want to make sure that i'm going the right way with my right girl ... There is no such thing right now as insecurity ... Yeah i had but not now ... We are spending quality time and I want her for the rest of my life :)And ... To Abella and Tisha ... U r real sweethearts may God bless u n cheer u up and put so much burden on ur shoulders of happiness :)))Love uuuu
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (16 September 2012):
Haven't you posted repeatedly on this exact same topic?
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-can-i-leave-her-slowly-so-she.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/--i-cant-get-over-the-fact.html
and now this http://www.dearcupid.org/question/is-it-true-that-a-girl-forgets-her.html
Look, clearly you are extremely insecure and your girlfriend's virginity is the only thing on your mind. Despite getting some very good answers here, you haven't budged an inch from your paranoid, rigid, insecure perspective that you missed out on not taking her virginity and her "ugly ex" did.
Sadly Dear Cupid hasnt been able to help you in any way and you need to either let the girl go and live in peace or seek counselling for your obsessiveness. Posting here repeatedly and not learning anything from what we say will not help you in any way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 September 2012):
YOU need to relax. I remember my first have no feelings for him one way or the other as it was nearly 40 years ago...
relax she does not pine for what's past... she is with you now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (15 September 2012):
 Most people who had a bad experience don't hold on to the memory, but they do hold on to the regret.
Stop worrying about it. Love her as she is.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (15 September 2012):
I imagine your girl friend is so happy that she has escaped the ugly old toad and has found her Prince Charming.
Kiss her and see the Princess in her too. She loves you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (15 September 2012):
Awww Sageoldguy, you old rascal :).
I think you are scaring the OP, though - explain him you are joking ! ( hopefully )
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 September 2012):
 If I had a nickel for every girl who "gave" her virginity to me and then rued the day that she dumped me.... I'd be one VERY WELL-TO-DO man!!!!!
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A
female
reader, lmao1989  +, writes (15 September 2012):
 I think you may be being paranoid. She probably remembers him but not in a good way and that is why she doesn't want too.
Can't say girls remember there first time and who it was with, but I can sure tell you that if someone treats you badly whether it's a girl or a boy you'll struggle to forget that not because you miss them far from it but she probably has a mass regret because of the way he treated her, he fooled her and took advantage.
I just think you're being overly paranoid about the situation as i said she's probably remembering how horrible he was and wants to forget him and concentrate on you and her so she can create happy memories and push away the bad ones.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 September 2012):
So let's see, we have on the one hand, an older and uglier guy who treated her like dirt. On the other hand, we have a caring and loving boyfriend of over one year.
Hm.
If she has any sense at all, and it sounds like she does as she has chosen you, she doesn't miss the old jerk at all.
You are imagining her feelings, romanticizing the effect that first sexual intercourse has on her.
Your mind is creating the doubt, not your girlfriend. Why are you feeling so insecure?
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