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male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I myself am currently a virgin and my girlfriend is not. She told me she has had some unprotected sex. She really really wants to have sex with me, we just started dating, however, we have known each other for quite some time and actually dated 4 years ago. I myself feel ready for sex physically and emotionally, however logically i'm still pondering. I'm just really nervous about STD's, would it sound tacky if I asked her if she has any, and if she's ever been tested? And if she hasn't would it be weird to ask her to get tested? Another thing is I never got the gardasil shot, because I haven't been sexually active.I don't mean to sound like a jerk off, it's just I get nervous about things like that, and that's whats holding me back from having sex.Thank you for your time!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (30 January 2012):
 *birth control pills
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 January 2012):
It's a good thing to ask if a new partner has been tested yes. It shows that you care about your health, and theirs as well. However you need to show class when it comes to it. Don't ask "do you have an STD?", because that's just tacky. Its hurtful. It's suspicious and a crappy thing to ask. Because it implies that the person wouldn't tell you if they had an STD, which is something a person with an STD should automatically tell you without you asking. Knowingly spreading an STD is in some cases considered a crime. However what you should do is this:Next time you get comfortable with each other, relaxed, and are in private, bring up the topic of sex. Tell her you've been thinking about it, and feel ready. However you want to ask her if she has been tested since her last partner. If she says yes, she got tested, then she should automatically get to telling you that she was STD free. There is no need to ask if she's ever had any STD, because that's none of your business. Your business is whether she is currently STD free or not. Whatever she may have had in the past in none of your business, so never ask about that. A persons medical history is as private as their financial status. Offer to get tested yourself. Doesn't matter if you think you have something or not, it's the act that matters. By offering to get tested you aren't singling her out, you're putting yourself in the same boat as her. If you ask for her to be tested, she should be allowed to ask for you to go through the same ordeal. It'll make her more comfortable about it, and feel like you also care for her health as well as your own. Tell her that when you and her have sex you want it to be great, and not have to think about these things. If you have both been tested it even opens up for the possibility of using birth control rather than condoms. It also says something about the level of openness and intimacy in your relationship. If you can talk about sex and STDs then you can talk about many other things, and know you can be open and honest with each other. If she gets offended or pissed off then that's on her. It's a perfectly acceptable thing to ask if she has been tested. DO NOT ASK if she has an STD or has had one in the past. Only ask if she has been tested since her last partner. It is a good routine to get checked after each sexual partner. You should get checked as well every time before you have sex with a new partner, no matter how careful you've been.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (29 January 2012):
 No, it's no tacky. It's being smart and safe. My husband and I both did, full sheet STD tests and HIV test before we started to sleep together and retested 6 months later. My husband was VERY promiscuous from early teens til mid 20's - we met late 20's. Don't get me wrong we still used condoms til we decided to try for a child :)
And I agree with the HPV vaccine for men too, they often carry it around without knowing, passing it on and it might not show up for a long long time.
Be smart, be safe :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2012): I agree with person12345, you're not a jerk at all and I think it's good if you bring this up in conversation.
If a guy asked me that question, I'd hand him over my test results and be happy he' s actually being responsible.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (29 January 2012):
 No you're not a jerk, you're being smart. There's nothing wrong with asking if she's been tested and/or asking her to be tested beforehand. It's not very difficult to be tested, no worse than a pap smear. HIV can be tested with a cheek swab now too. Condoms provide STD protection as well so long as you use them correctly, so as long as you're using them and she doesn't have herpes or HPV, you should be covered there as well.
Gardasil is being recommended for men now as well, but that's a VERY recent thing, meaning it wasn't silly not to get it since they weren't recommending men get it at all. So you should go get vaccinated. It's a pretty painless shot, about the same as a flu shot.
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