A
male
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I have a question for the aunts and uncles of DearCupid.I'm a 18 year old male starting university in a few weeks. I have a girlfriend, the same age as me, who is also going to uni, but its a 3 hour distance and i wont get to see her as much. The next time i will get to see her is in several weeks and i am quite frustrated sexually. I really miss her but i need some way of releasing the frustration. Is it cheating if i use porn to masturbate whilst we are apart? Part of me feels bad but i know that it is just to help me masturbate and i think of her doing the things i see, i just need some visual stimulation to help. Is this normal or okay? Or is it considered cheating? Please help.
View related questions:
porn, university Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, 1trainer1 +, writes (13 October 2008):
its not cheating, i often masturbate when my gf is working or she is tired after a long day, i dont masturbate in front of her as then she feels compelled to join in and help me, she doenst mind i do it as it is just something that guys do. she does it every now and then as well when I am busy at work or away for a weekend or something like that.
we have a joint collection of porn some she will watch with me while others i only and some she only watches but as we are open about it it feels perfectly natural.
A
female
reader, Ginalolabridga +, writes (13 October 2008):
 Hi,
It is a personal thing to masturbate alone but to do it frequently to porn i am sure over time it will become addictive behaviour which you will rely on more and more as you use it.
It is not healthy behaviour to masturbate to porn over long periods and if you are uni i am guessing long abscences from the girlfriend it could lead to something you do frequently.
I don't see no reason why you cannot discuss this with your g/f maybe she could call you and have intimate conversation over the phone if that does it for you is that not more healthier than a blown up plastic woman?
I am sure your g/f will understand it is normal for you to feel sexually frustrated at your age when being apart but i am sure this can be solved talk to her who knows you may well come to some agreement between you both that will be satisfying to you both!!
Ginalolabridga
...............................
A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 I have to disagree about "keeping it from her". I mean if you think there is any chance of having something meaningful with her, that is the WRONG thing to do. You don't keep secrets and hide things. They all end up coming out and then causing more of a problem than they would have if you're open and honest. That's my opinion of course, but I'm sure you know that honesty is the "only" policy if you want to be happy in your life.My grandfather told me when I was young, "The truth can run around naked, but a lie always has to cover up!"I've lived by that and it will make the difference in your happiness with any and everyone.I stick to what I said though... It's NOT cheating! If she is insecure and it may bother her, help her out in not being insecure. You have no idea how much a man can help a woman that feels that way. You have more power than you know. ~wink~Good luck sweetie!!Michelle
...............................
A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Well...
why not ask your GF for stimulating images and emails? How about phone calling and asking about fantasies?
I think if men and women would be more confident and comfortable turning to their parnter for such stimulation, will get the unspoken expectations out in the open, being someone who can communicate needs to their parnter establishes trust and sets the tone of the relationship, sex discussion in a part of that.
Men get turned on even more when their partner can participate in their fantasies or desires and feel a closer bond to them too. It's beneficial to both parties.
If you feel it's wrong, then don't do it. Don't convince yourself to do something you feel or know is wrong, ever.
...............................
A
male
reader, troubledtoomuch + ♥, writes (6 September 2008):
 It is normal. It is not cheating and it is not a problem at all, unless you allow it to become addictive. As DoubleM said, if you allow porn to replace or interfere with intimate relations, then it is a problem. If you still place all of your attention on your girlfriend when you are together then porn is not a problem.
I'm not sure that it is a good idea to tell her that you do this. If you know for sure that she is OK with it then you could talk to her about it and about what she does to masturbate. It would be a real turn-on for both of you to talk on the phone about what you do or are doing when talking to each other. However, she might consider it cheating and go balistic. There are a lot of women like that. If she knows and thinks that even masturbating is cheating then you are going to have a real relationship problem. However, I guess it is better to find that out now then in 2 years down the road.
...............................
A
female
reader, maid_Marian_vetbabe +, writes (6 September 2008):
 Thats definitely not cheating, its totally normal!
You can also have phone sex while youre apart, get her to talk dirty to you and have some fun while shes doing it! you can talk to her and listen while she has her fun, which can be a turn on too!
Its tough, being wiht someone when youre at uni, but my bf and I are still together and went through 2 years of livin 4 hours apart at uni!
So it can be done! Good luck to you both! hugs!!
...............................
A
female
reader, epifanatical  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 its quite normal.. and im very surprized to hear you feel guilty over it.. you see sweetee men are very visual creatures.. they need visual stimuli for just about everything.. so its quite normal to use porn as an aid to masturbate.. as far as your gf goes.. theres no need to reveal in the fact that you do.. shes probably doing the same thing.. well maybe not using porn but reading a sexy story.. fantasising.. watching a movie with her fave actor.. its all quite normal and great for the release of tension.. go ahead and indulge sweetee and dont feel so bad.. ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, michelleAKAmandi +, writes (6 September 2008):
It's NOT cheating! It's merely a normal thing that SO many people do. Men and women! You are NOT cheating by any means. Your girlfriend may be uncomfortable with it of course as there are many insecure women out there that feel threatened and shouldn't. If you make your girlfriend happy emotionally and physically, communicate with her and not let this become too much of a habit, I think you will be just fine. You're perfectly normal... a lot of men need that visualization and women feed off of the emotion, however; I feed off of both, so I can see where you are coming from. I think it should make your girlfriend happy that you would use this to get you through instead of doing what a a lot of people do... go out and "really cheat" with another person.Hope this helps.... good luckMP
...............................
A
male
reader, DoubleM + ♥, writes (6 September 2008):
 It is quite normal unless it begins to replace intimate relationships with your mate, girlfriend, wife - whatever.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): thanks very much for the advice, its good to hear someone elses opinion to make sense of it all, very much appreciated :)
...............................
A
female
reader, SugarCookie +, writes (6 September 2008):
It is normal however you need to ask your girlfriend if she thinks its cheating. A lot of girls feel differently about porn. I am the kind of girl who doesn't let my fiance look at porn because I consider it cheating but your girl might feel differently as i'm sure a lot of other woman on here are going to disagree. I just feel that it is cheating and I know a lot of other girls do to so my advice is get your girlfriends feelings on it.
...............................
A
female
reader, Belle De Jour +, writes (6 September 2008):
 i dont think this is cheating because you are not really seieng the other person in rel life , and every guy does it with or without a gf .. so i wouldt class it as cheating , as long as this isnt going to over come to you having fun with your gf or anything .. as long as it is just a one off thing to relif you for 10 min then thts fine .. just dont make a habbit of it or take its place for anything elseBelle x
...............................
|
