A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hi,I'm badly hurt right now. No matter how hard i tried to move on but i just can't. There is this guy who happens to be my workmate and i have known him for a year already. We been going out exclusively and been intimate and shared our feelings with one another.What hurts me most is that I found out that there are three of us.One happens to be an x girlfriend. They just broke up recently. Another one was an x girlfriend during college. This x girlfriend of his happens to be my friend but we are not that close though. She just happens to share with me their intimate moments with this guy and told me they been seeing each other again for almost two years already after the guy learnt that his other x girlfriend was having an affair with another guy.While my workmate was still in a relationship with the cheating girlfriend , he's been seeing a lot with other x girlfriend during college. I told him everything i know and was hurt since i came last in the picture. He was so close to me though and been always there for me when i needed him most. Honestly, i was shocked and cried to bits. He came to my house and comfort me and after that he decided to end his relationship with his girlfriend and with his other relationship with his x girlfriend. Though there was no commitment with the other x girlfriend I was confused why I get to stay.Maybe because i really love him and he chose me to stay.It's been six months since he ended his relationship with both girls but until now , he can't decide whether he is going to have a commitment with me. He told me about his plans and our future but he can't commit now since his x's were still bitter and he wasn't able to move on yet. The problem is that i want to end the relationship we have since he is not really decided to have a commitment with me yet because he is afraid that our relationship might just suffer if we are going to commit right now. He told me he isn't looking for someone new.What kind of reasoning is this?Should i believe him ?is he reasonable enough?Is he willing to risk to lose me rather than having a secret commitment?I told him that this isn't easy for me because i felt use but he ask for more time to decide about it.I am really hurt and I don't know what to believe anymore.What is the right thing to do?Am i being selfish or should i wait for him and believe him that he really loves me? Or is he just fooling around. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2012): Seems like we met the same man!!! Just do one thing...call him and let him know that u do not want to talk/see him anymore.
He will call/txt you asking why ..etc etc etc..dont waist your time. I waist my time with one of those for 3 months..I realise I was one of his "girls"...
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2012): He's just fooling around OP. The key here is consistency and the glaring lack of it. He says one thing one minute then the next he contradicts himself or changes his mind, he has one girl but tries out others, then he supposedly ditches the others for you but won't commit even though he said earlier you're exclusive. So you're "exclusive" when he's seeing other people and now that you're the only one he doesn't know whether he wants you or not.
He's a player OP, can you not his game?
OP you're going to be waiting until the end of time for him to make up his mind. Six months he's with you and he doesn't know whether he wants to be with you? Seriously? That's bullshit. You need to talk to these other girls and find out what he's been saying to them, what happened with them. I have a feeling they're the ones who ditched him because he was caught and he's only hanging on to you as a booby prize.
Above all though OP is this really a relationship that's working for you, are you getting what you want from him? If not then why are you letting him walk all over you?
You may want him OP but you don't actually have him do you? He';s in your life but can walk out in an instant and I have a feeling he has other girls he's with. I bet if you talked to his ex's they'd tell you he said all the same things to them only for it all to be lies and inconsistencies.
Being in love is not rocket science, being monogamous is not hard so why is this guy not willing to do either of those after all the time he's had you?
Because he;s playing you that's why and he knows you'rte never going to leave him. You see the reason he hasn't walked away after all this time OP is it's very hard to find a person who will let him get5 away with all the shit he's gotten away with with you and it's very hard to find a woman foolish enough to hang around waiting for a guy to make up his mind all the while giving him everything he wants and not getting you want in return. That's a very sweet deal for him OP, he has a nice cozy backup to stick it in while he goes out with other girls and she's not going to do anything about it.
Want to know if he really loves you and wants to be with you?
Dump him, tell him it's over that you're done waiting, the relationship is going nowhere and you need to move on and find someone. That you've waited long enough and it hurts too much because you have nothing.
If he loves you he'll do anything not to lose you, he will commit to you and he will make it exclusive. He won't make up some soppy bullshit about loving you but still being confused, he won't make you try and cave without giving in to your needs.
You see he doesn't have to commit, he doesn't have to do anything because you're letting this play out his way. Well sorry OP but you're a fool if you let this continue. You have to change the dynamic and take the power back and the most important thing of all, this absolutely vital; you must not be afraid of losing him, because that's his main source of power over you and that's what makes you his doormat. Even if it's a horrible thought, remember you don't really have him at all and he can and probably will move on from you sooner rather than later. Enough is enough, if he's not playing you he'll step up, if he is he'll try and pull your heartstrings but still not give you what you want or he may well decide it's fine and walk away.
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A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (10 June 2012):
 I imagine this guy can be so very charming that he can make you feel super special. Players usually are so good at putting on a good show of charming. While you remain unquestioning of their way of behaving.
Very sadly for you this man sounds like he is unable to commit to anyone. He has far too many secrets and is most definitely finding excuses to not commit to you.
Six months and he thinks the relationship might be affected if he committed to you now? This does not sound like a man who is truly interested solely in you.
It sounds like a man who is more interested in having Miss Monday,Ms Tuesday, Ms Wednesday, Mrs Thursday, Miss Friday and so on.
His big mistake was to get lazy and to spend time with girls who were likely to find out about each other. Perhaps next time he will look further afield so that the various girls he sees cannot share notes.
He sounds a most unlikely to prefer a relationship where he is required to be a faithful guy and to commit solely to one girl and enter into a long term committed relationship with her.
I would suggest that you leave him to his multiple affairs and move on to find a man who does understand commitment and does understand the term "Faithful" as I think the term faithful is a term entirely irrelevant to him.
You really can find a more genuine guy than this guy. Look for a man who seeks to spend more time with you, not just offer you weak excuses for why he cannot commit.
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