A
female
age
36-40,
*hy_sweetie
writes:Very long, sorry. I've been in a "relationship" with my boyfriend for 5 years. On and off. Whenever we would break up, it was always him telling me he didn't want to be with me. In vain, I always managed to get him to come back. But for him, it was just for the benefits. For me, I thought I needed him. I hated the feeling of being alone.5 years into our relationship, I became pregnant. We weren't even together. He was actually trying to flirt with this other girl during the time we conceived. The day we found out about the baby was the day we got back together. When I found out, I was crushed. Not only was our baby conceived out of wedlock, but out of a friends-with-benefits situation. So, naturally, we decided to get engaged. And honestly, I think we were both very reluctant to do it. So,here's my dilemma. I have a best friend, who means everything to me. In all honesty, he's a better man than my "fiance". I've known him for 3 years, and they've been the greatest years I've ever had. We share a lot of things in common, we always have the best time when we hang out. He knows I deserve someone better than my fiance. He's told me, jokingly, that he would stand up when the priest says, "does anyone here object to this wedding". He's told me, seriously, he would be there for me if I decided not to go through with it, and that he would love my baby son, because he's a part of me. He confuses me so much, because I'm not entirely sure what he's trying to tell me. He's been heartbroken for over a year and a half with the one he thought was his soulmate. So, I know, his feelings for me may not be romantic, although they are very honorable. But I think I'm in love with him. I mean, I love my fiance, but I know, that everything has happened, is because I ended up getting pregnant. Now that our son is here, we try to be a family. But since we're not married yet, (our date is one year from now),I live at my mom's to help me with the baby, and to help build our money up. If we didn't have our son, there is no way we'd be together. I know that's for sure. I'm just competely torn. If I do get married, it's because I want my son to have a father, and look up to him. Fiance has been a good father, not great, but good. If I don't get married, everyone will be like, "what the hell! You're selfish, denying Aaron his father". I'm so confused. Am I being selfish? Any advice would help. Thank you.
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female
reader, samsmommy +, writes (11 December 2008):
 Not getting married is not denying Aaron his father, it's doing what's best. And I'm sure you'll have joint custody, so it's not like you're trying to take your son away from his father.
You need to do what your heart tells you, are you really going to want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with a guy that you know you wouldn't be with if you didn't have a son together? I'm a single mom myself and I would be so miserable if I was with the father.
Sounds like your friend is a really good guy and you should see how he feels about you and give the relationship a shot.
Hope I helped! Message me anytime.
A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (11 December 2008):
 Firstly you must follow your heart. Your sons dad will always be a dad to him, you must encourage this and never put obstacles in his way. You don't have to marry anyone if you don't want. If you already feel this way you must be open and tell your fiancee' how you feel before you go down the line a bit further and get him and everyone else used to the idea of a wedding. No one should marry unless they are 100 percent feeling okay about it, and you don't come across as being that way. Once you have sorted this situation out and got the ground rules in place for your son, his dad and contact, then you can sort your own heart out. hope this helps.
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