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I'm worried I may be paranoid about them laughing behind my back.

Tagged as: Friends, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 31 August 2014)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, anonymous writes:

Basically I met this group of girls through my job. I've been there about 8 months now and I would like to think I get on with everyone, however, generally I just do my work and go home. I don't do 'office gossip' if you will. I am quite introverted in work wheras outside of work I'm almost the complete opposite (not sure why). I'm quite loud and confident and although I would say I was a 'party girl' I do like to go out and have fun and even though I don't intend to, most of the time I get drunk.

These girls are generally confident and the ones you would expect to be popular at school and such. They're all lovely people but I've noticed can be slightly bitchy (but then who isn't even just a tiny bit?). I've been out on a few nights out with them and at first I thought they would be like me when out, but they drink far more and I found myself trying to keep up with them. I've always had fun but I feel like they laugh about me behind me back since I'm not the same introverted shy person I am at work. I've especially felt this since they told me that they were telling another colleague about how badly drunk I was that night and we're laughing about it to me.

I may be taking this way too seriously but I just feel they're telling laughing about me to everyone at work because I'm not as confident there as I am outside of work. I also seem to be quite shy when I'm with them without any alcohol, again I'm not sure why as I'm not like this with anyone else so they always seem to be on a 'mission' to get me drunk.

I like them and would like to keep he friendships going but tbh, I can't see them lasting especially since this job ends in 2 months as it was only temporary.

How do I get over this paranoia?

Would do I do when I feel like they are laughing at me behind my back but I don't want to end the 'friendships' completely just yet?

View related questions: at work, drunk, shy

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (31 August 2014):

It's only a temp-job and you're going to leave those women far behind. They may be laughing at you, but if they drink more than you do; they're really the butt of the joke!

Learn to laugh with them, or don't hang with them. You're the new girl and probably the youngest of the group, so you stand-out as the oddball. Don't take them too seriously; but if you don't want to be the topic of gossip, don't drink so much! There seems to be general insecurity and self-esteem issues among women. Finding a weak-spot on the younger pretty girl makes some feel better about themselves.

It's a bitchy thing to do, but what goes around comes around. No one is immune. So let it roll off like water off a duck's back. You're already strong and confident, and this will help you grow an even thicker skin.

It's time to outgrow peer pressure, and drinking too much will gain you a bad reputation you can't live down. Don't sit around paranoid after the fact. If you're going to drink, drink what you can handle. Drink responsibly, and you'll leave nothing for people to laugh about behind your back!

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (31 August 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntBetty Boop has it pegged! It reminds me of a guy I once worked with,We accused him of paranoia. And he answered,"Yeah. well I'd rater be paranoid than to find out later that the whole world realy was out to get me and I wasn't prepared!"

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (31 August 2014):

Honeypie agony auntI would just keep REAL friends and co-workers separate. These girls really don't sound like good friends.

And trying to keep up with their drinking? You know better. It's not a contest in who can hug the porcelain throne first...

Do they laugh at you? I don't really think they do. I think however they laugh at anyone but themselves. It's ALWAYS easier to poke fun at others instead of accepting that everyone is different. And IF they DO laugh at you? So what? Not like you can do anything about it. You can't control what others do and think. JUST do not stoop to their level.

Let it go. Who cares what a bunch of harpies do....?

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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2014):

BettyBoup agony auntIt sounds like they are a bit cliquey. You may be being a bit paranoid, but then again, they could be a little bitchy or gossipy about you, as you sound like you are new to their group and are not yourself around them. It seems to be pretty common for groups of women to be a little bitchy about outsiders, even if they don't intend to be mean. It's an eady thing to do to joke about how the new girl got very drunk at the weekend, it's an easy laugh. People do it all the time about people who are not in the clique.

If I were you I wouldn't worry about it. You say you're confident out if work, so I bet you have lots of great friends. So you don't need to be friends with these girls. You're gone in 2 weeks so you don't even need to stay on good terms for work. Sometimes people just don't want to be frieds. I've encountered women like that at work, it sucked working with them, but now I don't, so, meh. I don't care about them anymore. You'll feel that way in a couple of months.If they are rwal friends, they'll make an effort to stay in touch with you, so stop worrying :)

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