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I'm torn between the re-appeared ghosting ex and the lovely but dependent new love interest! Which one do I choose?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Family, Forbidden love, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 November 2017) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 November 2017)
A male India age 26-29, anonymous writes:

I am going through a very tough situation and which is kind of a Love triangle. I've been in a relationship with a girl for about 1 year and I loved her so much . but 6 months back she ditched me for some reason. Everyday we used to go through a lot of arguments and somehow she got tired of it and left me. I was really shattered and tried to convince in every possible way not to leave me alone.But even then she left me and later she started to date another guy of her choice. I literally had no contact,no information, nothing about them being together since then. As I was completely broken somehow in the meantime someone with a kind heart helped me move on and now she has become completely dependent on me. She loves me the way I used to love my ex. IMO our chemistry was really awesome, Sometimes we used to argue a lot but even after that we were together for one another. But maybe Her reason of leaving me is that I crossed my limit which she could not digest and the other guy seemed to make her feel relaxed that exact moment.

Now after 6 months I got a call from my ex and she feels sorry for what she did to me and in her defense she told me that she stopped talking to the other guy within 1 month from where it all started and she missed me since then but because of her ego and self respect she couldn't make an apology and it's been really the hardest part of her life to live without me.

Now I am stuck in the middle, In one hand There is someone who I used to love the most and I still have weakness for her, whereas in the other hand there is someone who loves me the most and who will be completely broken without me. Now I can not make a decision in this situation as I don't want to hurt anyone, Don't want anyone to go through the same situation I've been gone through for the past 6 months.

For some more information , My ex was definitely not a gold digger type of girl, I call this immaturity. and the other one is so rich that she can buy my entire family if she wants to (But here some problem arises. Her family , I'm not sure if her family will accept me or not as I belong to a lower middle class family whereas she belongs to a supreme class.). So Money is not the factor in both the cases.

Please help me out as I can not make a decision here . For the feeling part, Yes I still have weakness for my ex and I do have feeling for the present one. Whatever your suggestion is , just keep in mind that I want to be in a relationship which will be for long run so that I can marry her within next 2 or 3 years.

View related questions: money, move on, my ex

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (14 November 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntYou and your ex had your chance and it did not work out, the past is best left in the past. She may have left you, but if you where arguing and not getting along together then that is not a great relationship to be in. My best advice would be to leave your ex in the past because you will only get hurt again.

As for the lady now, well have you spoke to her about being together? Have you asked her about what her family would think or are you just assuming this and thinking the worst? The best thing to do is talk to her and see if you both have a future together. However don't rush in to anything with her take your time and get to know her and don't rush in to marriage until you are sure you love her and you are right for each other.

You also may have to accept that none off these girls are right for you and may not be the right future wife for you.

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (12 November 2017):

You found yourself a rebound, now the ex is calling? Is that it?

You argued too much. That's a sign of immaturity and incompatibility. Your relationship was sustained mainly on sex, and dependency. You called it love; but it really wasn't.

If it was, you would have worked through the problems; you would not have found so many things to fight about. If either of you were even remotely mature, you wouldn't be in this conundrum.

She only came back, because you moved on.

You better stay with the young lady you're with. You don't let exes come swooping-down to dive-bomb what you've built new. It's motivated by jealousy, manipulation, and ego. Her relationship failed probably because he cheated on her.

Now a second-look at you is so different from before? Yeah, you look all the more desirable, now that you've found someone else.

Man-up, and stop playing the little-boy in the middle! Grow a pair, dude!

Are you man enough to send your ex on her way? Were you only faking and leading this new girl on?!!! Just using her until your ex came back?

If you're real, be good to the new woman in your life. Stay put, stay faithful, and cut all ties with your ex. No contact, no calls, no responses!!! Ghost her on social media and finish what you've started.

Exes are exes for a reason; and not to be recycled like plastic out of the trash!

You deserve whatever karma you get, if you break that new young lady's heart.

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A female reader, NORA B Ireland + , writes (11 November 2017):

There is always a reason why people break up.In your case your girlfriend left and had a relationship with someone else.On the other hand you also had a relationship with someone else.In a relationship there is always One person who loves more than the other person,in this case it was you with your first girlfriend.Its interesting to note you refer to your first a weakness.Your present girl friend is very kind to you.However staying in a relationship out of pity does not work,and you seem to have a problem with the fact you come from a different background.Problems problems at all levels.Ask yourself theses questions {1} Do you want to get hurt again with your ex-girlfriend[2] Do you feel you can trust her again.Your present girl fiend deserves to know if you really love her and respect her as a woman needs to be loved in a relationship.However as you have to ask the question and cannot make a clear cut decision yourself i feel this is answer in itself.Would you consider taking time out just for yourself,have some space to think.When in doubt....make no decision at all.Sometimes it is better to make a fresh start and look to the future .Kind regards NORA B.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (11 November 2017):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWhile it is admirable of you not to want to inflict hurt on either party, you are old enough to realize this is not a realistic situation. You have to make a decision and SOMEONE is going to get hurt in this situation - you included.

If your new girl's family will not accept you, what then? Will she stay with you and marry you regardless? Or will she feel she has to let you go to keep her family happy? Will her family disown her if she chooses to marry you?

If you stay with your new girl, will you ever forget about your ex? Would you be able to enter into a marriage wholeheartedly with the new girl, without wondering "what if" about your ex?

Based purely on what little information you have given about the two ladies concerned, the current one sounds like a much better long term prospect (as long as her family accept you). However, logic does not often conquer love, so you need to decide who YOU see your future with and let the other one go.

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